Orally pleasuring a woman can be an intimidating prospect for even the most experienced lover, not to mention the beginner.
However, good oral sex can not only provide plenty of pleasurable fun on its own, something that makes it great for those interested in exploring alternatives to intercourse, but it can also work great as a part of foreplay.
Even fifteen minutes of oral sex, when done right, will have a woman warmed up and asking for more.
While specific techniques are sometimes helpful, they can also be a source of frustration for the first-timer.
Additionally, since all women are different, those excellent tongue tricks that work on one woman might be a dud for another. So instead of specifics, I’ve compiled five basic principles to help those at any level of lady licking.
- 99% Enthusiasm.
Thomas Edison once said that, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. I say that, orally pleasuring a woman is 1% skill and 99% enthusiasm. Starting off with plenty of enthusiasm will get you much of the way.
Most women initially feel uncomfortable and self-conscious at the prospect of someone focusing that much attention between their legs. There are a number of reasons for this, but several stem directly from how little we talk about the subject as well as the popular myths that circulate in locker rooms, schoolyards, and dorm rooms.
Being obviously enthusiastic will let the woman know how turned on you are at the thought of pleasuring her orally.
Not only can this help a woman get over feeling self-conscious, but for plenty of women it’s enough to get them turned on as well. Until you have experience, enthusiasm is your greatest asset, so use it.
- Lego your Ego
When you’re performing oral sex on a woman, there’s no room for an Ego.
One of the most difficult aspects of oral sex is how easy it can be to get caught up in thinking about your own performance, even to the point of forgetting that you’re with another person.
Don’t worry about being the best lover this person will ever have, just try to lose yourself in the moment of pleasuring her.
Many of us are goal-oriented individuals. This might work well in the boardroom or classroom, but it can be a problem in the bedroom. Don’t make orgasm your goal. This may seem counter-intuitive to most people, but focusing on giving her an orgasm is more likely to get her faking it than feeling it.
Women are capable of feeling intense and satisfying pleasure without ever reaching orgasm, and making orgasm a goal will make her feel more pressure than pleasure.
If you’re someone who needs a goal, then make it to please her until she’s begging for you to take it to the next step: that way whether she has none, one, or more than ten, there’s no pressure killing the fun.
- Get to Know the Lay of the Land
Seeing what you’re doing is key. If the lights are out, a candle nearby can provide enough illumination. It’s important for you to get a good idea of what she looks like down there.
As we should all have learned in our high school health class, if not from experience, all women have unique bodies. The more familiar you are with her particular landscape, the easier it’ll be to find her hot spots.
If you’re lucky, or you know the woman well enough to make a suggestion before hand, having a woman that has trimmed or shaved her pubic hair can help a lot.
For those of us that need a refresher course on female anatomy, here are the basics. A woman’s vulva (the science-y word for her outer genitalia) is made up of two sets of lips (labia for those of you wanting more official terms) that protect the opening to her vagina.
Inside the first set of lips (labia majora) and at the place where the inner lips (labia minora) converge at the top is where you’ll generally find the clitoris (which has twice the number of nerve endings as anything else on the human body). The clitoris is usually hidden under a small fold of skin called the hood, which is why so many people have a hard time finding it.
Knowing how to communicate with a woman during oral sex is essential. There are two types of communication to pay attention to when giving a woman oral sex: verbal and non-verbal.
First, you have to ask her what she likes, and then make sure she feels comfortable updating you while you’re pleasuring her. A lot of people think that this is going to be a mood breaker, but most women find it a sign of a considerate lover.
Second, you have to learn how to listen to her body. If everything is going right, she may be feeling too good to form coherent sentences. This means reading her body language.
If this is someone that you know or with which you’ll have multiple interactions, this is a lot easier. It is still, however, quite possible to pick this up the first time you’re with a woman.
There are three things to pay attention to when listening for non-verbal cues. The most obvious is moaning. The louder and quicker the moaning the better, but be warned, some women won’t moan at all and some women moan at almost nothing. Without some way of calibrating your moan-o-meter, don’t rely on it alone.
Along with moaning, checking to see the quickness and depth of her breathing can be a good measure of her arousal. Quick shallow breaths are best.
If you can’t see or hear her breathing, one way of checking this is to reach up and caress her breasts with one hand, which will allow you to feel her chest rising and falling.
The last and easiest is to pay attention to her hips. The more she moves her hips up to meet you, the better. Additionally, the more she bucks her hips or seems to be moving involuntarily in any way, the better.
- No Hurries
Most people make three mistakes when giving a woman oral sex. First, they try to go for the clitoris right off the bat. This is generally a bad idea. Most women need to be turned on for a little while before direct clitoral stimulation can be pleasurable.
Go in early and it’s likely to be an overload. The second mistake is almost the opposite; they ignore everything but the vagina. Countless novices think the proper way to pleasure a woman orally is to simulate the action of penetration with the tongue.
While this can be pleasurable for many women (only the first three inches of the vagina have nerve endings sensitive enough to feel the texture of a tongue, the rest only feel pressure) it still ignores the most sensitive part of the female body: the clitoris.
Finally, many of us think that more is better. When you find that something you’re doing is working because she’s moaning, breathing hard, and/or moving her hips wildly, you may think it’s a good idea to pick up the pace. Unless she explicitly tells you to go faster, it’s best to keep up what you’re doing: it’s working.
If it begins to be less pleasurable for her, then slowly increase the pace until she’s back to bucking around the bed.
Have Fun! As long as you keep an open mind and remain enthusiastic throughout, performing oral sex on a woman will prove to be a rewarding activity for both you and her.