What to Discuss Before Things Get Serious
It’s not the first date, it’s not even the second date, but after you’ve been dating a person for awhile and you are finding yourself really consumed, wondering if this could be “The One” and thinking about the future. This is the hot and hazy time in dating and I think so much fun! Wanting to be with the other person, loving every little thing.
This is the time the dreams start showing up. Not the good dreams of naked bodies and all that stuff, though you have those dreams too, but the lifestyle dreams. This is when you begin to share where you see yourself living, what you would like to live like, how many kids you think would be great and all the other life stuff that makes us wonderfully human.
This is when some of the potential trouble can begin. This is where some of the best relationships start to end. I say, start to end, because a person would never let a little thing like living location stand in the way of a love relationship now. Or the fact that one person wants kids and the other one doesn’t. But if you don’t pay attention to some of these little signs early in the relationship you can set yourself up for a really big fall.
Does a person really have to think about all this stuff? This is pretty heavy and not something most people even want to think about, especially during the dating period. But this is your life, you can design it. In regards to dating here are the dreams to share and the issues to discuss in a fun and casual way during the dating phase.
Location: if one of you loves the country and the other loves the city there could be problems. Though you could have a house in both places and forget about the whole thing! If you’re a film or sports star don’t even worry about this issue. If you’re like the rest of us and can probably count on having one house, at least at first, then you should determine where you dream of living and find someone who dreams of something similar or one of you will be really unhappy.
Kids: to have or not to have, this is the question. Be really open with your date about if you even like kids. If this seems to touchy to bring up just ask some innocent questions like, “Kids are so funny, don’t you think?” or “I love my little nephew, do you have any kids in your life?” and take it from there. You’ll know pretty quickly what your date thinks about lots of things if you phrase questions in a non-threatening way.
Pets: some people sleep with Rover, some let Fluffy eat off their plates. If there’s an animal in your date’s life you need to think about how you feel about that animal. So many people are in love with their animals that when you date the person you get the pet too. If dog hair makes you cringe and your date has a longhaired dog it’s time to go back to the personals and try a different date!
The above three issues are a great way to start to think about what you want and how you really want to live, which is an even bigger and more important issue I think. You have your whole life in front of you from today on. You get to pick how you want to design it and the type of person you want to spend it with. Happy designing!