Ah, this one has plagued man since the dawn of time. So you’re out there, banging things together, trying to make fire like your next cave neighbor did a week ago. A beautiful cave-babe walks by and you’re hooked. You chat her up, telling her about the sabretooth you bagged last week. She’s interested, and tells you to call her sometime, which actually requires finding a big rock from which to scream. But when do you do it? Tonight? Tomorrow? A week from now?
Oonga boonga. What did you get yourself into?
A million years later, there you sit, staring at a napkin or matchbook with a phone number on it. It’s Wednesday. You met her at a barbecue on Sunday. You’d like to see her on Friday. What if she’s busy? What if she doesn’t want to go out? What if it’s a fake number? What do you do?
Seven simple digits. Seven little beeps. Having the call is fun. Making the call isn’t.
In a world of books and rules and Oprah, a guy’s life can be pretty hard. If you call the same day you met, you’re either desperate or a loser. If you call more than once, you’re a stalker. If you wait too long to call, you’re a jerk. Then you’re supposed to call no less than 3 days after you got the number, but no less than 3 days before you want to see her again. That leaves ONE DAY. Yeah. You met her on a Sunday and you want to see her the following weekend, you’re stuck calling Wednesday. If you remember. It involves math, so I’m sure I missed out on a lot of great dates because I couldn’t add.
Even in our post-modern feminist society, guys still carry a lot of the burden of dating. By and large, we’re still expected to make the first move. Get the number. Make the call. Set the date. Pick the place. Pick her up. Pay for it all. Women get to basically say either “yes” or “no” to a lot of stuff. I don’t know a guy who wouldn’t be blown away by a woman who asked him out. Ladies, you know what an ego boost that is – that feeling of being admired and pursued. Yes, I understand that when he’s a loser, the feeling isn’t AS great, but you know what I mean.
Basically, cut us a little slack. Tell us when a good time is to call. Let us know if you even want us to call. Take our numbers. Anything. If not, don’t give us the digits. I’d rather deal with being shot down up front than staring at a phone two days later, sweating out what I’m gonna do. It’s hard enough for us without thinking that all women have some chart and a slide rule next to their phone for determining whether we’re worthy or not. I don’t care when I met you. If I liked you, and I think about you the next day, or have a fun date idea, guess what? I’m calling. If I wait until the last minute and you have plans, I’ll apologize and we can reschedule. Remember, ladies, some of us don’t think about weekend plans until lunchtime on Friday, and that does NOT make us jerks.
By the way, the cave guy didn’t get the girl, but he did make a fire, and was the most popular guy around.