These days my email box is jammed full with letters from men asking for
advice on how to attract women. Being a woman myself, I’m a bit on the
fence as far as revealing the chick’s club secret code, but as an
eternal optimist when it comes to love and relationships, I’ll do whatever I
can to get everybody happily coupled up.
So guys, this month it’s your turn. Below you’ll find some a
combination of my favorite make-her-toes-curl moves, as well as some fun tidbits
from the thousands of women who write to me, telling me what they look
for in a guy.
- Take your positions for the mating dance.
Want to be the guy who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the
room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several
books and nationally-known expert in the field of spacial psychology,
where you are in a room (and what you’re doing) has a lot to do with
your ability to attract women. Where should you be for the
highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties?
Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around
a bit. (But don’t pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake…)
- Nice guys wear blue.
According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, Director of the
Pantone Color Institute and author of Colors For Your Every Mood,
women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why
wouldn’t we be? According to Eiseman, guys who frequently
wear blue are “stable, faithful, constant and always there.” The
blue guy is a fantastic candidate for a long-term relationship —
someone who’s dependable, momogomous and can match his
Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away
from what Eiseman calls “squished caterpillar yellow-green”
which is said to repel both sexes equally.
- Be an Alpha male, or just look like one.
According to Body Language Expert Patti Wood, you shouldn’t fold your
arms or chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. Wood says, chewing
indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive
There’s more. Women are biologically attracted to more dominant men, so
stand tall with your shoulders back. Feel free to take up some space.
Wood says appearing more dominant effectively draws female attention.
To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and your toes
For men who are victims of the “nice guy” badge, or who appear to be
too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a
spin. According to spatial psychologist Albert Mehrabian, men should
“try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing,” hold
your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more
Make your move.
- The eyes have it.
Once you’ve zeroed in on a target, lock eyes with her for a full five
to six seconds, then smile and drop your gaze. Don’t stare a hole
through the girl’s forehead for goodness sake, just give her a smoldering
come-hither look and look away. Do this at least three times in a ten to
fifteen-minute period. Why? Your target needs to know it’s them
you’re flirting with, and eye contact is a universal signal of openness.
Then, make your move. Walk up and start a conversation. Wait too long
and they’ll likely lose interest.
- Preen like a peacock.
We tend to preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we’re attracted
to someone, by smoothing down our hair or clothes, such as
straightening your tie. Try combining a grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze.
- Monkey see, monkey do.
People mirror each other’s body language when they are attracted with
similar gestures, voice volume, etc. Try subtly mimicking your flirting
target’s behavior. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If he
scratches his head, you scratch your head. If you are mirroring someone’s
behavior, they’ll begin to feel as though the two of you are connected
and “in tune.”
- Go in for the kill.
Once you and your flirting target have started talking, use these tips
to deepen the attraction. First, smile and maintain eye contact as
they are speaking, and focus all of your attention on what they are
saying. There is rarely anyone more attractive than someone who finds you
How to tell if a woman is flirting with you? Look for signs like
extended eye contact, low-level touching and laughing.
What the women want:
Finally, once you’ve made your move, there are a few more strategies
you should employ. According to my research and the hundreds of letters
I receive every week, what women really want is pretty simple:
- If you want a woman’s phone number, be a man and ask for it. Don’t
pull that weenie-move of handing us your business card and expecting us
to make the first move.
- Don’t wait a week to call. We know you’re playing it cool and it
irritates us. Two or three days is plenty of time to wait.
- Don’t wait until the last minute to ask for a date. Give us a
chance to look forward to it. (On the other hand, in the early stages of a
new relationship (first month) NEVER ask us for a date several months
in advance. Let ‘s make sure the relationship is something both parties
want to pursue before you get locked into plans you may not want to
- Never pressure a woman for sex. Really. Especially on the first
- Be a gentleman. That means paying for dinner, holding the door
open, and using your table manners. (Even if you can belch the theme from
- Always offer your coat on a chilly night. (Yes, we know we should
bring our own, but we don’t. Besides, there’s something utterly
fabulous about cuddling up in your big man jacket.)
- On top of that, be yourself. A really great guy.