Overcoming Shyness

Overcoming Shyness

Is shyness or insecurity keeping you from having what you want? Here’s how to get over it.

Men agree that one of the most attractive qualities in a woman is when she’s self-assured, likes herself, is comfortable with who she is, likes how she looks and most importantly, she’s happy. It’s impossible to be all those things when you’re shy or insecure. And being happy and being shy are two opposites.

Being shy is a state of mind and can be changed with practice. The more you describe yourself as shy, the more you believe it is who you are. Shyness stops you from having fun. I know because I used to be shy and insecure, thinking people would rather not have me around. I realized one day that I was being very self-centered. Shyness and insecurity means you’re worrying about how other people see YOU, how they feel about YOU, and how they judge YOU. Turn it around and begin to see that most people are shy (albeit at different degrees) and usually waiting for someone to make the first move. Don’t you admire those people who can go up to anyone, introduce themselves, and begin a conversation? Well, you can become that kind of person, the kind of person people enjoy having around.

Here’s how to get rid of that totally useless shyness that is holding you back from having what you want and being happy.

Stage One:

(Remember: They’re a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)

  1. Practice smiling in front of the mirror. Often, when we’re shy we think we’re smiling but our mouths don’t show it.
  2. Then begin smiling at strangers who don’t intimidate you.
  3. When that becomes completely comfortable, start smiling at people who do intimidate you, like nice looking men, but not those who you’re attracted to. Then, start smiling at men you are attracted to.
  4. Start saying hello to people who don’t intimidate you.
  5. When that feels comfortable, start saying hello to people who do intimidate you, working up to the scariest.
  6. Start complimenting people who don’t intimidate you. Find something about them like a color they’re wearing, a dress, a tie, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as your intention is to sincerely make them feel good.
  7. Compliment scarier and scarier people as you become comfortable with each new level.
  8. Start flirting with people who don’t intimidate you. I don’t mean sexual fliring. I mean get them to laugh, play with them, compliment them and tease them in nice ways. A great way to learn to flirt in this way is to start with kids. The same kinds of silly, friendly things you can say to a child (or even a cute dog) is what Friendly Flirting is all about.
  9. Flirt with scarier and scarier people. Learn how fun it can be to bring smiles and laughter into people’s lives. You don’t have to be a comedian to get people to laugh. Watch others, rent movies that have people who act like what I’m talking about and practice til it’s comfortable. And always practice each new level on people who are completely unintimidating to you.

Stage Two:

(Remember: They’re a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.)

  1. Start conversations with strangers who don’t intimidate you: People in line with you at the supermarket, people in parks, waitresses, secretaries. Whenever you want to practice, go out and find someone to talk to. Watch what other people talk about. Notice things around you. Make comments, ask questions.
  2. As you become more comfortable, start conversations with scarier and scarier people.
  3. Now that you’re pretty comfortable with other people, start walking up to people (when it’s appropriate) and introduce yourself and begin a conversation. It’s all about intention. Wanting to bad enough…and lots of practice.
  4. If you practice all these steps, I gurantee you’ll get over most, if not all, of your shyness. Sure, everyone gets insecure and intimidated occasionally, but they simply acknowledge the feeling and go ahead and do it anyway. You can do this if you really want to. It’s up to you to put in the time and work. But trust me, because this is how I got over being shy, it works.

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Kara Oh is the creator of AliveWithLove.com, and author of "Men Made Easy" - discover what's going on inside his head and what it takes to win his heart!

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