The concept of romance is ever-present in our culture. We grow up with it in fairy tales, movies, advertisements, as well as our expectations around finding a life partner and falling in love.
This article is aimed at men because men don’t seem to complain that “she’s not romantic enough.” Men need romance, although not to the degree that women seem to.
For many men, this subject creates a fair amount of angst. They know women want it, but they don’t quite know how to give it to them. Men also know that women tend to have a lot of expectations regarding romance and unfortunately, for a lot of men, if they don’t do it right, they’re in trouble.
Romance is about caring, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, and creating love. Some men are natural at creating the kind of romance that women want, but a lot of men think romance is simply preparation for sex. There is some truth to that because most women need to feel a man cares in order to be emotionally and physically available for sex. Romance helps women feel cared for.
Any gesture of thoughtfulness between two people who are in or moving toward love can be received as romantic. Picking up the phone in the middle of the day and telling that special person you care. Buying a gift for no reason. Planning a special outing or trip. Creating a surprise. Offering to help in little thoughtful ways.
Anything that sets a mood, such as lighting candles, playing favorite love songs, or turning down the bed, are all romantic gestures. How about picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom?; drawing a hot bath; or arranging a baby-sitter so you can have a quiet evening alone. Stopping what you’re doing, looking her in the eyes and saying “I love you” can be one of the most romantic things you can do.
Each woman has her own “hot buttons” and you want to pay special attention to those. But how do you discover them? A great way is to notice what she does for you. Does she send you notes and cards, or leave loving messages on your phone machine? Does she create surprises or special outings? Does she love to get dressed up and look pretty and sexy for you? When you notice her doing something romantic for you, write it down. Then, every once in a while, look at that list and do one of those things for her. She’ll love you for it and, seeing the sparkle in her eyes can inspire you to become a natural at it.
Ask a close friend what has worked for him. Ask women friends for ideas–they’ll enjoy helping out. Find a book on love and romance. LIGHT HER FIRE by Ellen Kreidman is filled with great ideas.
Romance doesn’t just happen. It takes creativity and desire to keep the love between you and your partner alive or, for those in new relationships, to win his or her heart. Romance is the best way to say you care.