Written by | November 10, 2010 | Posted in: Spice Up Sex    Print This Article Print This Article

It\'s horrible!Not greatGood stuffGreat stuffThis post is bang on! (25 votes)
Loading ... Loading ...

Are you unknowingly turning him off?

10 Mistakes Women Make when Having Sex

You see a lot of articles about what men can do during sex to make it better for the woman, but there’s a lot less information – and opinion – on the mistakes women make. So, to set the record straight, here’s our list of ten things for women to avoid.

  1. Expecting him to think like a woman

    We’ve all seen loads of books with titles like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” which highlight an unfortunate difference between the sexes. Men and women don’t think the same way – and while we’re not going to get into why this happens, it’s important to remember that fact when you’re in a relationship. In general, men are not as romantic as women, they don’t see romance as a necessary prelude to sex, and they can divorce sex from their feelings in a way that perhaps most women can’t. So there will be plenty of times when a man wants sex even if he isn’t feeling romantic and connected to his partner.

    For him, the physical pleasure of sex is a reward in itself. He doesn’t need to be seduced into feeling desire (though he may appreciate it if you do seduce him!), at least most of the time, for his sex drive is a pretty constant part of his maleness. I think that’s what women don’t understand.

    They know how elusive and emotional their own sex drive is, but they don’t appreciate how different it is for a man. Think of it this way: men can enjoy sex with their partner whether they are feeling loving or not; in fact they often find their feelings of love for their partner when they have sex with her. By contrast, women often say they need to feel loving before they want sex – or at least before they are prepared to give themselves heart and soul to a man.

  2. Not showing your sexual energy

    Women who were brought up to be demure “good girls” (i.e. non-sexual) may find it difficult to express the essence of their feminine energy during sex. And a lot of women also have problems expressing their anger, an emotion which can add real spice to the sexual union between men and women. This lack of sexual energy might appear as a reluctance to initiate sex, a reluctance to be the active partner, a reluctance to make noises or thrust, or simply an overall tendency to wait for the man to lead and direct what happens during sex.

    But believe me, ladies, your man will really like it when you express your passion – whether that means you getting on top for woman on top sex, moving in a way that will give you the greatest pleasure, kissing him passionately, or being assertive about what you want in bed.

  3. Being too gentle when you touch his penis

    Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to their penises. If you ever have the pleasure of watching him masturbate, you’ll see how much pressure he uses on his penis – especially as he nears orgasm. If you’re doing it for him, ask him to tell you what you’re doing right and what he’d like done differently. He’ll really appreciate your efforts to give him more pleasure.

  4. Not experimenting with sex

    The saying has it that men think about sex ten times an hour – or is it a hundred? Yes, of course that’s an exaggeration, but it isn’t much of one. While some women have a high sexual desire, it’s true to say that women in general are much less sexy than men when they’re not in the bedroom. Men fantasize all the time – about the things they see, what they’d like to do, how they’d like to do it, and so on. With such an active sexual imagination, it’s not hard to understand why a bit of variation in the bedroom routine can keep a man sexually happy.

    It doesn’t have to be way out stuff like bondage, either. For example, try changing sex positions once in a while: take the initiative and get on top of him or let him enjoy rear entry for a change. Talk dirty to him if you’ve never tried that before; explore and play with new parts of his body, such as his anus and perineum, during foreplay – or even during the main event. Seduce him into a “quickie” by leaving a trail of clothes across the floor into the bedroom. Greet him at the door in sexy clothing. Phone him at work and tell him what you’d like to do to him later that day…..well, you get the idea – use your imagination!

  5. Expecting him to read your mind

    Yes, we know it’s difficult to express your sexual desires directly. But men don’t think like women. They don’t read clues, they don’t get hints. So stop communicating indirectly, and tell him what you want. And give him feedback when you get it! That way, he’ll know exactly what he’s supposed to be doing, how you feel about it, and whether to do it again. For example, if you like what he’s doing during sex, let him know with your moans of pleasure.

  6. Criticizing him

    I think one of the reasons women can be so critical of their man is that they’ve never learned the art of direct communication. Than means stating clearly and directly what you want, how you want it, and whether you got it – and how you feel about it afterwards. Men appreciate that style of talk – they know where they stand and it removes the uncertainty for them.

    Criticism is an indirect way of saying that your needs are not being met – but if you read number 5 above, then maybe you’ve begun to understand that your man won’t know what you want unless you tell him. If you’re judging his love for you on the basis of his ability to anticipate and meet your needs without you saying what they are, well, I’m afraid you aren’t likely to be very satisfied. And it won’t be his fault.

  7. Letting him take responsibility for your orgasm

    A lot of us think that a man somehow has a responsibility to “give” a woman an orgasm during sex. After all, that’s how a lot of us were brought up – that a man somehow has to look after “his” woman. And that idea extends to making sure she has an orgasm during sex…..but the truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasms. So while it might be nice for your man to help you get there, if you don’t make it to orgasm through his efforts, you can always take matters into your own hands.

  8. Controlling him by withdrawing sex

    One of the most unhealthy things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and don’t want. (That might even extend to simply saying you don’t feel emotionally close enough to your partner to want sex.)

  9. Thinking he’ll feel the same way about your body that you do

    It just isn’t so. Men don’t attach the judgments to women’s bodies that women do. So, for example, even if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it won’t matter to him the way it matters to you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly won’t be put off making love, or want the lights off, because of it. While you waste time and emotional energy wondering if you’re completely undesirable because of some aspect of your body, he’ll never give it a second thought. It’s women who judge their bodies, I think for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.

  10. Not making up with sex after an argument

    Well, yes, I know that a lot of couples do make up with sex when they’ve had an argument, but in fact many more don’t. As I said above, most women think that they need to be feeling loving and emotionally close before they want sex. Yet I’ve met a lot of couples in my work as a sexual therapist who have found that taking the risk and jumping into bed can work really well as a way of getting close again.

    Even if you don’t feel sexy or loving when you start making love, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way of settling an argument (that’s talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct method of getting your feelings back on track – just go to bed together!


Editor’s Note: For more lovemaking tips check out Michael Webb’s Virtuoso Lover – A collection of wisdom from 100′s of women about their deepest sexual secrets and desires. click here

You May Also Like:

About Author

Rod Phillips is a writer for Sex Techniques And Positions. Send your comments and ideas for better sex to [email protected]

All posts by

Related Articles

(11) Readers Comments

  1. According to the BIble, men should not be alone. But women were created from men’s ribs to be closer to their heart to be loved. Women were not made just to sell their bodies just to make their men very satsfied.. Women should be respected.. That’s what I believed.

  2. After reading this article I’ve realised that well, Rod, is clearly just trying to convince women to sell their bodies to men and sacrifice all dignity. Just so the men can get a load off. You clearly don’t know how to please a woman. If you boys want to be sexually satisfied – how about paying attention to what the girl wants? Like they say… it takes 2 to tango.

  3. I agree with some of the previous comments, I have a problem with #7. I believe that a man does have the responsibility to give a woman her orgasm- or at least try to. I personally have a hard time reaching orgasm if I see that the man is in it for himself. It takes two to tango, and if I’m responsible for my own orgasm, I’ll just help myself, by myself.

  4. Great tips…alot of people make this mistakes trying to be extremely magical and in the end,things dont exactly turn out that way.jus flow with ur feelings,let ur passion do the talking and u’b suprised how magical u turned out in the end.

  5. Keith, this was a very interesting article. This is my first visit to your site and i found the topic that you discussed was done so in a mature, and informative manner. My favorite point you made was the last one, as a reader it gave me a new understanding of the topic discussed, just wanted to give you a shout out and thumps up!

  6. I bought the ticket to the park.. but I get very few rides.. my husband and I have been together for 7 years.. I thought at first he was just being respectful.. then after marring things didn’t change.. he was 35 and I was 32.. so not too old or too young.. so what is the deal.. he is just not a normal guy i guess.. well I dont guess I know now.. he was raised with the Cleavers and I think it really affected him.. not sure how to get him truly comfortable with himself..and before anyone says it.. I already tried to find out if he was straight..and I thought it might be me… and formal exs all assure me that it isn’t what I do.. he is very square.. so it is hard to get him OUT OF THE BOX.. Hopefully the pills will help.. at least to get him interested more frequently other than once every few months.. and we don’t even have KIDS.. hahah

  7. Okay, I have a problem with number 7. I don’t hold out in bed and I pleasure a man the way he deserves to be severel times a week if not several times a day. (I like sex, what can I say.) I expect it in return. I am not a friggin humping post for goodness sakes. If I don’t orgasm everytime single time than hey that’s okay. But if he never takes time on me and he is in it for himself and not worth my time at all. Lucky for me I have a husband that is not satisfied until I have gotten mine at least twice, but it has been as much as seven times in one night for me. Don’t sell yourselves short girls. Find a good one.

    Having sex is like purchasing a ticket at Six Flags. I am there. I paid my fee. Now where is my damn ride? Preferably more than one. I didn’t go there to walk around the park and never get my thrill or entertain myself, aka masterbation. Give me my thrill or I will go to a different park. Simple as that.

    Other than that this is a good article.

  8. keith, I think I’m in the same position as your wife. How old are your kids? I have two little ones and by the time I get them up, fix the lunches, get them to school, go to work, pick them up, feed them, do things around the house, make dinner, try and take care of everyday things………..I’m exhausted! My husband has recently started helping me out more with the kids and little things like the laundry and dishes (which may be small, but believe me is actually huge!). Things have gotten a little better since he’s been helping me out and we’re actually having sex now about once a week and I actually enjoy it when we do. Him helping me out more makes me feel like he actually cares about what I go through everyday and “wants” to help make things a little easier for me. Before I felt like he just expected me to do everything around here and put out whenever he felt like getting it which didn’t make him very attractive to me. Now I feel more respected and desired for being his wife, not just someone to let some stress with. This is just my experience. Hope it helps in some way.

  9. Interesting article.

    Keith, look up David Shade, sign up for his free eletter. I would also recommend his book. Read “The way of the superior man”. Being in a non sexual relationship for years tears down your selfesteem. YOU need to change something from what you are doing now, otherwise things will stay the same.

    Good luck
    Yan

  10. what happens when you’re wife doesn’t want sex at all, this has been going on for over 11 years (we have 2 kids). i’m the one who has to work at it all time trying different things and anything i can think of or have read about. but since i have gave up trying nothing has happened in over a year.

  11. To me the last two tips are important. it is very important to make up with sex…. or may be make-up before you go to bed. Anger that goes to be with you and is supressed… will burn you withen. Witholding sex is just your own weekness… hold back sex and your man will get it from somewhere else..! Find out and break up… its better to have healthy relationship.. full of love and life. Don’t play any tricks!

Share

Switch to our mobile site