Why don't men approach??

[milly29]

Hi! I have just registered because i find your forum very interesting. Ive checked out a few of your posts and the responses were excellent. I am frustrated with dating and men lately.

So what is your opinion on this... I would love a man to approach me, (and not a drunken one) but men just don't make the move anymore. A man who is confident enough to make a move and talk to me, is so attractive. Men will make comments, looks etc but never make a move. Why is that? Especially, If they are obviously interested and find me attractive. I was the one who asked out my ex's, which they LOVED, but now I want to be approached. I think I deserve to be pursued by a guy for a change. What is it that prevents men from approaching women? I don't think im intimidating at all but im wondering if there are certain things that make a woman appear more approachable...? Im 29 and ive only been asked out by one guy in 7 years!! Any imput or similar dilemmas?

[Wolfgirl]

I'm not a guy, but I thought of a couple of things that might prevent a guy from approaching.

Are you being tooo overly flirtatious or talkative or putting out body language that makes you look desperate or too eager? Most guys enjoy a challenge. I know a girl who almost throws herself at guys and they tend to flirt with her, but head away quickly because I think she can be a bit to much sometimes. Laughs to much to loud, flirts way to much, and almost lays down on them standing in a public place. I get embarrassed for her sometimes and have to walk away rather than watch.

or just the opposite

Are you very stand offish, maybe sending vibes that you are a bit snobby or untouchable or not approachable. I think sometimes I give off this vibe, I'm not trying ot be snobby, or untouchable, but I am reserved and also very selective now in who I make a connection with for the simple reason I have been burned so badly in the past. I am now being more careful in who I wish to attract. So sometimes I think I can come off cold, or uninterested, and even to guarded when I might like someone and would like to get to know them better.

Ask your friends, pay attention to your body language, eye contact and overall demeanor while you are out.

These are just a few thoughts, I hope it helps. Maybe change up the venue that you are seeking men, if you go to bars, try going to a gallery and wine tasting event. See if that makes a difference.
_________________
"Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the price is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you're never living twice" ~Nickelback

[milly29]

Thats all so true. I totally agree. I think we would probably get along really well. Ive actually been making myself go out more often in my local area and regularly and Im loving the idea of becoming a bit more of a local fixture. I figure that is a good way to break down barriers, especially where I live as it is such a tourist town.

I guess i'm more likely to be stand offish than I am flirtatious. I remember years ago I used to catch a guys eye and hold it quite confidently, but now I tend to look away or look down. I guess I am a little cautious and shy from being burned. Its strange tho because i am actually alot more confident in myself and who I am now days. When i was younger it was all power games. When it comes to conversation tho, It always comes quite easy for me, and I think most guys enjoy my company and find me funny. They just don't ask me out! So frustrating!

I am thinking, if guys are intimidated, maybe I need to appear a little more submissive so its less threatening for them. Even tho, my friends and myself don't think Im threatening . I might give that a go this weekend! Il be a little more flirtatious and sweet. Hmmm... Its a pity we can't just be ourselves. But then again, maybe being stand offish isn't us being ourselves anyway. Its good to be guarded...but Its knowing the difference between being guarded and being completely locked and closed for business!! No one can get in!!

Ok, Im going to test out these ideas this weekend and let you know How I go.

[Wolfgirl]

I am going to the beach this week, I think I might smile and flirt a little myself.

I hope you have some luck, let me know how it goes.
_________________
"Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the price is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you're never living twice" ~Nickelback

[HB'sGirl]

I've only been in 3 serious relationships, so I'm not guru. But these are my findings.

My first BF, I asked him out. And I asked him why he never asked me out, and his response was, "I probably would've eventually, but I had to work up the nerve" We worked at the same volunteer place, that's where we met.

My second I met online. Once again I asked him, and asked him why he never asked me. Response: "I was 8 years younger and he thought I was 'out of his league'. I asked why he thought no one else would've done so in the past, and he said basically the same thing. That men are intimidated.

I've tried the laid back sort of personality, and I've tried the slighty flirty, and the strong flirty, and the sit around and look bored, and the dance and look interesting. Nothing works. Oh well. Even online sometimes I take the first move, lol.

The BF I have now, I met online as well. At first it was just a few emails on the website, and then it was talking on MSN, and then after talking to him for about a month, I went to Toronto, and I had found out that he frequented the down town core. And I said, hey I was in the Toronto area, and I thoguht about meeting up with you, but I didn't have your number, and the rest was history. Started texting, than calling, than dates... and yay!!!! here we are!

So to answer your question... I don't know! I'm aggressive in the search, but submissive in the relationship, so... I don't know. I just hope I don't have to go looking again. I'm happy where I am. And if we ever move in together things would be most perfect. [He's a very busy man, many hobbies etc, and I just know that if I got to lay beside him every night it would make up for not seeing him as often as I'd like, since that's always. lol]

[milly29]

Thats awesome that your in a great relationship now.

I recently reunited with an old friend i was very close too 10 years ago and we were talking about the last 10 years, life, our relationships etc. So I asked him what his thoughts were. I told him I have only been approached once, by the last guy i was seeing. Well, He told me he would NEVER walk up to me and start talking to me because i was too 'HOT' . (and by the way, he has never made a move on me, I picked him up 12 years ago in a bar!! ) I don't think im that spectacular but anyway, he reckons the only reason the last dude asked me out was because the guy was a pilot. I guess he thinks that if a guy has a cool sounding job like pilot, they use it as part of the pickup!

But, Interestingly, He told me he's never pursued any girls, that they always pursue him! He's 36 and been in many serious relationships but later confessed to me that he has never really been in love with ANY of them! Even his most recent girl who he was with for 5 years and had two kids with!! He said if a sweet, attractive girl wants to be with you there isn't really a reason to say no, and the next thing your in a relationship with someone you like but you not really in love with them.

(sigh) Who knows.... I wish I could pick the brain of more men!

[Wolfgirl]

I dunno, the older I get the less I understand men.

I have always had guys in my life, friends, coworkers, bf's, and husbands. I am not a girly girl, and my activities are a lot more like a male than a female sometimes. But I swear, I still can't break through the barrier of the male mind. No matter how much we talk, or hang out, or share our deepest dark secrets.

Sometimes I think I get a grasp and start to understand, and then WAM, the tide changes and you are as lost as you were before you started.

Here is what I have concluded, the male mind is like the ocean tides, they are forever changing, hell they don't even know what they want, they are just along for the ride.

So for me now, my response is basically the same, you are here today, gone tomorrow, I'm not gonna waste to much of my precious time worrying about it. You win some, you lose some, just enjoy the moments.
_________________
"Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the price is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you're never living twice" ~Nickelback

[Wolfgirl]

One more thing I have decided. I am tired of having to be the one who "leads". I need a strong man, a man who is strong enough to be my man. I am tired of wimp asses.

So I am not going to approach another man, if he doesn't have the nuts to approach me, than he probably isn't strong enough to be my man anyway.

I like a humble, but CONFIDANT man. Not big mouth cocky wimp asses. Know who you are, what you want, and what your limitations are and your strengths are. Be secure in yourself. Once you have that, you can approach anyone, and lead a life that is truly yours.
_________________
"Against the grain should be a way of life What's worth the price is always worth the fight Every second counts 'cause there's no second try So live like you're never living twice" ~Nickelback

[Publius]

Wolfie,

I still think you're the prettiest thing in North Carolina. Nonetheless, I wonder how you'd fair with a "strong" man. hahahahahaha

Hi sweets.

Pub
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I don't care that I can't sleep. Hell, I just as soon stay up all week. Might get some things done while others dream.

[Publius]

This thing is broken.
_________________
I don't care that I can't sleep. Hell, I just as soon stay up all week. Might get some things done while others dream.

[Wolfgirl]