Maybe you’re in bar. Maybe you’re at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she’s
someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you’re actually out on a date.

In any event, now you’ve got to do something scarey, something
unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end
one before it even gets started. YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your
therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can’t think of
anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the
"right" thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don’t. When your average gent converses with a woman, he’s
basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will
"connect" with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the "Don Juan" way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what
doesn’t, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don’t want to leave her
feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that’s what we’re going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article
focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful
lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics
which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the
option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic
relationship.

Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking
TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore
women to tears. They think they’re "impressing" the women when, in reality,
they’re "depressing" the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you’re
saying doesn’t necessarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while
silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away… and
never come back.

So key number one is DON’T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the
conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly
interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves
for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say next. Focus all your
attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or
"feel" what she’s saying.

This does take a little effort. It’s not very hard to do, but it’s not
something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any
"seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle
hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be
willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It’s pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It’s almost as
if she’s testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on
what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?

Well… she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just
moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking
a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How
long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there?
f) What’s it like there?

Kim’s two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on.
Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she’d like to talk
about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was
making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what
she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry
about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to
say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not
repulsed by him). How? She didn’t blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk
to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a
somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn’t pick up on it and blew his chances with
her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you
better, she will GIVE YOU free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds
for you to water. If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t give you much of anything and
it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how
charming you are, if she doesn’t "help you out some" you’ll eventually have to
admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she’d like to discuss.

Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two
other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a
proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about
themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if
you want others to like you. This is true… to a certain extent.

People DO like to talk about themselves and they DO like those who listen,
ask questions, and seem interested in what they’re saying.

But…

If you’re goal is to charm this lady, you’ve got to do more than that.
You’ve got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you’ve got to "tell
her" that YOU TWO ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you
can relate yourself to something she’s talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.
Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about
moving there myself.

Jim is smooth.

Jim didn’t ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself
that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking
questions, then he’s probably doing very well with Kim.

A good talk/listen ratio would be around 40/60 or 30/70. That is, you want
to spend around 30 or 40 percent of the time talking, and about 60 to 70 percent of the
time listening. And you should spend as much of that 30 to 40 percent as possible in the
"me-too zone."

Think about it this way…

Let’s assume you just went on a dinner date with a lady you like very
much. If you monopolized the conversation and spent most of the time telling her how
"wonderful" you are, you can pretty much expect there won’t be a second date. I
hope you can understand this.

On the other hand, imagine you’d spent the entire two hours together
sitting there, listening, and asking her questions. You probably did much better. She did
seem happy. She did seem to enjoy the conversation. But still…

After the date she’s going to go home and think about the date. And she’s
going to think about you. She’s going to think about whether she should spend more time
with you or not.

The fact that you haven’t said much of anything all evening is going to be
your downfall… BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.

You haven’t told her anything about yourself. She still has no idea if she
should be interested in you or not. She knows you don’t monopolize the conversation and
you’re a good listener. And she likes that. But that’s not enough to spark any kind of
emotion in her.

Now imagine you’d spent 60 to 70 percent of the date listening to her
(really listening and asking questions), and about 30 to 40 percent of the time telling
her about yourself. Specifically, telling her about yourself in a way that makes the two
of you seem very similar.

This time when she goes home, sits down, grabs something to drink, and
starts reminiscing about the date (and you), she’s going to have something substantial to
think about. She’s going to think what a wonderful conversationalist you are. You didn’t
monopolize the conversation. You didn’t bore her with details of your job, your childhood,
or the health of your colon.

And because you spent a substantial amount of time pointing out how
similar the two of you are, she’s going to think that you are very SPECIAL. (After all,
you’re just like her. You must be.)

People always like others who are similar to themselves. By being similar
to me, you essentially validate my perceptions of the world. I will see you as clever,
intelligent, charming, and likeable… because you’re like me.

(It’s true that opposites do SOMETIMES attract. But only under certain
situations. On the other hand, similars ALMOST ALWAYS attract. You should always go for
the similarity angle during the first part of a relationship. You’ll can reveal to her
your "unique" qualities later.)

And don’t worry or feel cheated because you don’t get to talk about the
things you want to talk about. If you play your cards right during the first few
conversations or dates, you’ll have plenty of time later on to bore her with all your
"interesting" stories.

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to
"play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested
questions, and making "me too" statements. It’s a simple 1, 2, 3.

A couple can also anticipate each other’s needs to help keep the romantic feelings and intimacy alive. A married couple has an advantage because the longer you have been with someone the easier it will be for you to anticipate her needs. For example, a man who knows that his wife prefers to drink water will be able to ask for a glass of water on her behalf at a social gathering.

Here are some examples of situations where the man is anticipating the woman’s needs:

• They are sitting at home watching a movie, she is drinking coke, and he is drinking water. When her glass is almost empty, without being asked, he goes to the kitchen and refills her drink.
• She has a bit of a cold so he grabs a box of tissues for the car on their way out the door.
• She is sick, he offers to make her soup without being asked.
• They are eating at a fast food restaurant and she has salad. While she is putting the salad dressing on the salad she starts to run out so he goes to the cash and brings her back more salad dressing (without being asked).
• She is carrying something heavy and he holds the door for her.
• She was up late the night before, so he brings her breakfast in bed.

In all these situations the woman is needing something, or will be needing something, and her boyfriend/husband helps without being asked. Because he knows her so well he knows what she likes and what she needs and he gives it to her without being asked. It really is a wonderful feeling when you get the point of knowing someone so well that you can do this…try it!

Why are mini love letters effective? Well, if you think about it, mini love letters are a multi-billion dollar industry already ? your greeting cards are mini love letters! Notice how many words or phrases are there in the cards which you will easily pay $3 dollars to as much as $15 per card? Those cards are mini love letters written for you and you just have to pick one out. Although, it is a nice gesture, the problem with those is that your recipient knows that you bought it. So, the best mini love letters are those that come from your thoughts, your heart and those you created yourself. If you use a very unconventional medium, the mini love letter becomes even more pleasurable to the recipient. With an unconventional medium, your mini love letters ?reeks of effort? which will automatically radiate from it, and the recipient will recognize that instantly.

The best type of mini love letters must invoke positive emotion. Of course mini love letters can be used to express apology or regret but never to express disappointment or anger. So, two pointers in writing a mini love letter are:

• The best one is those thought up by yourself,
• It must be funny, romantic, a positive thought.

There is an easier way to write mini love letters i.e. to take some hints from other well written ones. But a word of caution, never copy it wholesale. The recipient will know and sometimes can become damaging. Even if the mini love letter turns out not very well written, you mini love letter will ?reek of effort?, which is more important than the actual words itself. If you chose to copy the words, state where you get it and it will better. Honesty is the best policy here.

Before you go and find some ideas, think about your feelings which you want to express. There may be several, pick one or two which you like to express now. By narrowing down your wants, it will make your search a little easier. Then look at places where you can get some ideas and here are some sample places where you can get some interesting ideas.

• Greeting cards.
• Poems
• Songs
• Famous sayings (be sure that you cite the author, if taken wholesale)
• Samples letters
• Love story books
• Love websites.
• Books especially those that deal with relationships.
• Book titles.

Pick out a few sentences from a variety of sources which express your feelings. You then have to rewrite them in your own words. Take out phrases from those sentences and combine them and play around with them until the final mini love letter expresses what you feel.

The final part is the most important ? where to write them. Traditionally and conventionally, you would write them on a card or a piece of paper. Even on a card or a piece of paper, you can make it your very own to ?reek of effort?. Another very interesting thought is why not write it on unconventional medium?

Are there ‘magic’ words you can use to get your ex to return your phone calls?

Sounds hard to believe but there ARE words that will nearly cast a spell and make your ex feel almost compelled to return your call.

Cool huh?…

I am going to share this with you because this is one of the biggest questions I get from people just like you that are trying to put their relationship back together.

So I am going to answer…”How do I get my ex to return my phone call, text or IM?”

BUT…

WARNING!

In the Magic Of Making Up System, I lay out a complete strategy.

If you use this technique alone, without an ‘overall’ plan or strategy…you may damage your relationship more than if they never returned your call.

What NOT to Say!

Before we get into the actual words, let’s go over what message almost NEVER works.

and worse…

Puts you in an AWFUL ‘psychological’ position.

These usually fall into 2 categories.

The PLEAD- Where the message sounds like

“John, please, please call me. This is the 3rd time I have called. I HAVE to talk to you.”

And the EMERGENCY-

“Cindy, this is an emergency. Please call me as soon as you get this.”

Now, I think you can see what is wrong with both of those approaches?

So, I won’t go on and on…

How To Use Curiosity & Self Interest To Your Advantage

Two of the most powerful forces in the human mind are

• Curiosity &
• Self Interest

And here’s the BIG SECRET!

When you combine the two, you have a recipe that WILL work ‘magic’

So…

Let’s look at what you can say that works nearly EVERY TIME.

In a friendly tone:

“Hi John. It’s Cindy. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you did for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person.”

Do you see how that uses BOTH curiosity and self interest?

John will NOT be able to resist! “What did I do?” “What does she appreciate?” he will be thinking. And he feels good because it is a positive message.

Now…

Before you call you need to do the “Set Up”…which is figuring out what he/she did that you appreciate.

It can be any small thing…but needs to be plausible.

But more importantly…

2nd WARNING!

Please have an underlying strategy like I lay out in the Magic Of Making Up System BEFORE you call.

If you apply this technique with no underlying strategy and they call you back you can do more DAMAGE than good if you do not handle it correctly.

Okay?

What I am saying is…

What you do before, during and after you get them to return your call is MORE important than getting them to return your call.

Make sense?

Have a PLAN!

He wants you to dress up for him:

A long, long time ago, your husband bought you some lingerie. Remember? You wore it once or twice, then stuffed it deep in the back of a drawer. Well, the time has come to dig it out. Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while. When you dress for him, he takes it as a sign that you still care enough to make the effort. Men are visual creatures and get a lot of sexual mileage out of what they see. So, some sexy lingerie will go a long way to rekindle the passion you share. Surprise him by slipping into something he will find exciting. And, there is something about lace, ribbons, feathers, or not-so-subtle sheer material that drives a man wild. And honestly, who can blame him? Plus, when you indulge in sexy lingerie, do not get too hung up about your appearance or stretch marks. Movies and fashion magazines may make women feel they must have taut tummies and look model-perfect, but men say they appreciate real women with foibles and imperfections. And personality counts! Your insecurity will rob you and your husband of precious moments together. So, when your husband says you look beautiful and sexy just the way you are, believe him. Dust off the lingerie and fire up the candles.

He wants you to initiate lovemaking:

If your husband is always the one to start things up, eventually he’ll wonder, ‘Why doesn’t she ever initiate lovemaking? Doesn’t she want me anymore? A man wants nothing more than to know he’s sexually desirable to you – that you want him like crazy. Guys chronically complain that they always have to initiate sex. When you take the lead, you’re explicitly telling him that you love to spend time with him – it immediately eliminates the guesswork for your guy. What’s more, when you approach him, you’re in the driver’s seat. Too many women let men call the sexual shots between the sheets. Being the initiator gives you an opportunity to set the tone and the pace.

He craves for sexual affirmation:

Men have insecurities too. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives means everything! So, be explicit in letting yoUr husband know what you enjoy. Men, love those kind of directions. It’s affirming for a man to know that you think he’s a great lover. When men receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.

He wants to be your hero:

What part of a man most enjoys being stroked? Answer: His ego! Show your man that you really need him. Men, just like women, simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired. Plus, remember to compliment your spouse on being a great husband. It’s a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed and loved. And this positive reinforcement of your husband’s good behaviour will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal. Here’s another secret: Pamper him sometimes. You can set a day to give him a massage, set up a hot bath, etc. What makes such royal treatment so romantic to a man is the way it reassures him that you appreciate him and that you’re proud of him. Many women today don’t realise how vulnerable men are and how much they need love too.

He wants passionate lovemaking:

Men love passionate women. Men want to be desired and loved. Letting them know that you’re passionate about them will turn them on every time and pave the way for great lovemaking. Women who are great lovers put energy in from start to finish. Plus, displaying tons of enthusiasm encourages your man to bring you to new heights. The more you get into it, the harder he’ll work to please you.

He loves unexpected touches:

Yes, it’s true. The slightest touch from you can bring a man to his knees mid-sentence. In other words, let your fingers do the talking. Even those quick bicep rubs when your man gets back from the gym, or those errant shoulder squeezes, can send your man over the moon. While coffee is pretty good, your gentle peck is really the best part of waking up. It’s as if out of the blue, you were so overcome by his breathtaking cuteness that you just had to give him a cuddle. And men adore your tender touch in the bedroom as well. Because contrary to popular belief, guys aren’t just looking for fast-track orgasmic manoeuvres in the dark. They want and need intimacy, touch and passion too..

He wants novelty:

Once a couple has been together for a while, they often develop a sexual routine. It’s not always a negative thing as it is usually mutually satisfying. So what’s the problem? There could be a new technique that one or both of you like but haven’t discovered yet. What to do? Mix things up a bit. If the bedroom is your primary lovemaking venue, why not steam things up in the shower? “And it’s worth adding some variety to the old ‘he does that, then you do this’ choreography. Swap things around or throw a new position into the mix. Make sure monogamy and monotony don’t become synonymous. The trick for a married couple is to maintain a degree of novelty, by providing variety in activity, location and type of stimulation. Many men find that experimenting with positions, styles and acts takes on a new importance as they age. They say that variation not only keeps them aroused, but it satisfies different cravings. Better sex isn’t necessarily wilder sex, after all. There are things you can do to spice up sex once in a while.

He is excited by your sexual intensity and assertiveness:

When you openly tell him what you desire and what feels good, you instantly put yourself into an active role as opposed to a responsive one. Verbal feedback is crucial to your pleasure. It helps to develop your own sexual language. Some women can’t talk dirty. And that’s okay. You should try to find a new way to let your husband know what feels great in a way that’s comfortable for you. It might be words, it might be moans, but figure out how to let him know you’re loving every minute of it or at least which minutes you’re loving.

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

1. Tip #1 – Continue dating
   Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That’s why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about dating that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.
2. Tip #2 – Delay is often better
   It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn’t romantic. It’s gambling.
3. Tip #3 – Always express your love
   Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they ‘assume’ their partner already knows what they’re thinking. When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they’re the greatest person in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they’re feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?
4. Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner
   Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, “I just don’t understand him/her.” So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate’s profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don’t need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you’ll grow closer as a result.
5. Tip #5 – Answer the BIG questions
   Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married. I guess people think they’ll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

   In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or “I love you’s” will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each other ‘inside-out’ BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

Michael Webb is the author of 1000 Questions For Couples the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit: 1000 Questions For Couples

Soulmate

Remember, he’s looking for companionship not competition. He wants someone he can have fun with. A woman who will, like his dog, accept him unconditionally.

• Women have lots of best friends. Most men don’t. A man wants his partner to be his best friend. Like all best friends, you listen to his stories, laugh at his jokes, and compliment his good qualities instead of criticizing his faults.
• Let him know he can depend on you, that you’re there when he needs you.
• Men love to talk about themselves. So ask questions that will give him the opportunity to talk about his favorite subject-him.
• Want to connect with a man? Don’t try to impress him. Let him impress you. Ask him questions that will give him the opportunity to impress you. Shut up and listen! You’ll be amazed at how much being a good listener works.

Sexmate

Sex first takes place in a guy’s mind. So capture his mind and his imagination.

• Men have vivid imaginations. And since most men are visual, you want to capture that imagination visually. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is self-assured, but vulnerable and feminine. Men are more attracted to a woman’s attitude than her looks. Of course, who are we kidding, being gorgeous never hurt.
• The reason men love confident women is because they bring out their hunter instinct. Men love to chase, confident women love to be pursued. So let yourself be pursued and captured. Just remember to let yourself be caught S-L-O-W-L-Y.
• Men love a challenge so be challenging in the following wonderful womanly ways: Girl, be the goddess that you are. And here’s how:
  • Be playful
    
  • Be seductive
    
  • Be sexy
    
  • Be foxy
    
  • Be captivating
    
  • Be delightful
    
  • Always be feminine