Now sure, you know that deep down I’d love to join in the chorus of “macho” pickup and seduction experts that suggest you “just say no” to Valentine’s Day and just tell the chick(s) you’re seeing that you don’t “celebrate” it.

Man, would I love to join that chorus.

After all, like I’ve shared in the past (as in, say, maybe a little under a year ago?) this is yet another holiday that appears to have been relegated to little more than a marketing bonanza for the diamond industry. And this no sooner than you swallowed hard and paid the credit card bill from Christmas.

But this time, I’ve done some thinking. And I’m all but sure that The Leading Man would rather take back Valentine’s Day in a brazen coup than surrender it to commercialism and…God forbid…”Mr. Nice Guy”.

That’s right, instead of whining about how Valentine’s Day forces us guys to “put a woman on a pedestal” or something, I exhort you to MAKE YOUR OWN RULES this year.

Embrace Valentine’s Day…but make like Frank and do it YOUR WAY.

I say this because you, as a “Big Four” man, need to TAKE CHARGE and build the habit of creating romantic moments that melt women on a regular basis.

I say this because I’ve gotten a jolt of lightning recently that screamed out, “Wait a minute, stupid, every woman in North America is PRIMED-or make that HARD WIRED–to have her femininity ignited on February 14th.”

And I say this because, well, you really have no choice, buddy. Valentine’s Day falls on a SATURDAY this year. Oh snap.

Face it, a couple of years ago, when V-day was kind enough to fall on a Thursday, I laid out a step-by-step plan on how you could literally date six or seven women at once and make all of them thrilled with you over a four day period.

This year, you can tear up that game plan. Saturday night is THE night. And there won’t be any excuses.

This means several things.

First of all, if you have your sights set on one woman, it’s a no brainer. You make plans with her for the night of the 14th. And you go with the flow, enjoying the heck out of a nice romantic evening together with your favorite woman.

And if this describes you, you’ve been given a MASSIVE GIFT. You see, every single fancy restaurant and swanky dance club in your town is going to be BOOKED SOLID by a bunch of “Mr. Nice Guys” lining up to spend $$$ on that woman they are trying to impress.

If Valentine’s Day is on a Monday it’s crowded enough out there. But a Saturday? Are you kidding me?

This trumps even Valentine’s Day on a Friday. After all, were that the case you might be able to get away with planning something for Saturday with her instead. But it’s not like you can substitute Friday the 13th for Valentine’s Day and expect to get away with it. Bummer.

So you may be thinking you have to gut it out and fight the crowds for the sake of “tradition” or something. Forgettaboutit. Like I said, this is the year you’re going to TAKE CHARGE and MAKE YOUR OWN RULES. Instead of “celebrating” Valentine’s Day, start “celebrating” the woman in your life.

The year I met Emily, I did this to a certain degree by planning a BACKWARDS evening. That’s right. I took her dancing at 7pm, hours before the crowds arrived…and caught dinner at 10.30 or so, long after everyone else was finished eating. All she remembers nowadays are the memories themselves, not at what time they happened.

But really, I think you can be even more creative than that.

If you live somewhere reasonably warm this time of year (like Australia, for instance) why not take it outdoors? Have you ever planned a moonlight picnic? If not, do it. You’re only five days off from a full moon this year. Get away from other people and ignite that femininity in private.

And I don’t want any e-mails asking, “But Scot, how do I ignite femininity? What does that MEAN?” Moonlight + Picnic + Feminine Woman + Masculine Guy = Ignition. That’s all it takes.

And even if you live in the northern peninsula of Michigan (or even you, that one guy on my list who is somewhere in the friggin’ Yukon Territory), you can find a place indoors where it’s just YOU and HER and a bottle of red wine. Even if that’s at YOUR place, Cook For Your Date fans.

This year, YOU’RE going to make the rules. You’re going to take back Valentine’s Day and replace commercialism with the REAL meaning: ROMANCE. Just you, her…the moment…and the memory. Take charge, make a creative plan that bypasses the masses…and enjoy the ride.

But what if you’re dating more than one woman these days? Simple. Get out of town. Go on a weekend snowboarding trip to Sun Valley, ID. Send every woman a card and tell them you’ll spend some “quality time” with them when you get back. And yes…considering Valentine’s Day is on Saturday this year, I’m dead serious.

Finally, some of you are undoubtedly asking, “Well, what about me? I don’t even have a date for Valentine’s Day.” Well guess what? Your concern is NOTHING compared to the myriad of women out there who are SCARED STIFFLESS that Valentine’s Day is going to leave them dateless in its wake.

Women romanticize the living tofu out of February 14th. And this is GREAT NEWS for you. Why? Because this means you have a few days to get your act together and make a difference.

And without a doubt, the best place to get that job done is ONLINE.

Seriously, gentlemen. Every single woman with an online dating profile is EXTRA MOTIVATED about now to make some serious time with a great guy online. This guy needs to be YOU. But here it is…it’s like the lottery. You’ve got to PLAY to WIN.

Have you been considering online dating? If you have, then why not give it a try now…at what may be the perfect time of the year to see great success.

The Twilight Saga

Based on the award-winning novels by Stephenie Meyer, these stories of vampires and werewolves are arguably the most romantic we’ve seen over the last decade. The theme of eternal love is examined in a modern, fantastic setting, helped along by the broody looks of Robert Patterson as the ever-attractive Edward. Although this most recent sequel is Twilight at its darkest, romance is still the pull and focus of the story. And to add further to the theme, the two protagonists are happily together in real life and are even reportedly spending Christmas together.

The Adjustment Bureau

Another Matt Damon film, another action-packed struggle against a sea of faceless villains. But this time he’s fighting for love, his assailants the agents of fate. No matter how hard their enemies try to prevent it, ballerina Elise and politician David keep bumping into each other and are determined to have their lives together, however much it may strain against their destinies. Super-natural, thrilling, unique and deeply romantic.

One Day

David Nicholls’s hugely successful novel One Day was adapted to screenplay by the author, filmed and released this year. It details the lives of one couple on the 15^th of July each year for two decades, examining their ups and downs, following their heart-filled struggle. Another very romantic premise.

Jane Eyre

Probably the most romantic novel ever written, this Charlotte Bronte classic has been again adapted for screen. Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester are a match made in heaven, combating social etiquette, crazy ex-wives and scarring bodily injuries over their lengthy courtship. Two relative unknowns play out this age-old love story with touching depth in a thoughtful adaptation.

The Inbetweeners

If I said ‘controversial, modern comedy’ you may think of a plot involving the increasingly popular habit of meeting people over a free dating site, or other technologically advanced ways of handling romance. But The Inbetweeners take a different approach, setting their romance in a depraved, alcohol-fuelled clubbing resort in Greece. After several hours of cringed-filled comedy, the film concludes in a surprisingly romantic way. Definitely my romance of the year.

There have been many epic romances of 2011 and there are sure to be many more in 2012.

Talk Back: Have any favorites you’d like to add? Post a comment below…

Why are mini love letters effective? Well, if you think about it, mini love letters are a multi-billion dollar industry already ? your greeting cards are mini love letters! Notice how many words or phrases are there in the cards which you will easily pay $3 dollars to as much as $15 per card? Those cards are mini love letters written for you and you just have to pick one out. Although, it is a nice gesture, the problem with those is that your recipient knows that you bought it. So, the best mini love letters are those that come from your thoughts, your heart and those you created yourself. If you use a very unconventional medium, the mini love letter becomes even more pleasurable to the recipient. With an unconventional medium, your mini love letters ?reeks of effort? which will automatically radiate from it, and the recipient will recognize that instantly.

The best type of mini love letters must invoke positive emotion. Of course mini love letters can be used to express apology or regret but never to express disappointment or anger. So, two pointers in writing a mini love letter are:

• The best one is those thought up by yourself,
• It must be funny, romantic, a positive thought.

There is an easier way to write mini love letters i.e. to take some hints from other well written ones. But a word of caution, never copy it wholesale. The recipient will know and sometimes can become damaging. Even if the mini love letter turns out not very well written, you mini love letter will ?reek of effort?, which is more important than the actual words itself. If you chose to copy the words, state where you get it and it will better. Honesty is the best policy here.

Before you go and find some ideas, think about your feelings which you want to express. There may be several, pick one or two which you like to express now. By narrowing down your wants, it will make your search a little easier. Then look at places where you can get some ideas and here are some sample places where you can get some interesting ideas.

• Greeting cards.
• Poems
• Songs
• Famous sayings (be sure that you cite the author, if taken wholesale)
• Samples letters
• Love story books
• Love websites.
• Books especially those that deal with relationships.
• Book titles.

Pick out a few sentences from a variety of sources which express your feelings. You then have to rewrite them in your own words. Take out phrases from those sentences and combine them and play around with them until the final mini love letter expresses what you feel.

The final part is the most important ? where to write them. Traditionally and conventionally, you would write them on a card or a piece of paper. Even on a card or a piece of paper, you can make it your very own to ?reek of effort?. Another very interesting thought is why not write it on unconventional medium?

“It’s about freakin’ time”, someone said. And I have no arguments for you there.

Better late than never though. So let’s fix the situation.

The “Big Four”, in principle, are the most basic, fundamental factors that decide whether a woman is attracted to you or not.

Get them right, and women WILL respond powerfully to you. Ignore them (or worse?be ignorant OF them) and you could spend the rest of your life wondering what the problem is.

So obviously, this is one of the more important newsletters I’ve written to you.

Before I break down the “Big Four” for you, I want to offer a sincere caveat: There is NO WAY this newsletter is going to cover every single nuance of what these concepts entail.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.

After all, quite literally everything I talk about or write about hinges on the “Big Four”.

So with out any further intro, here they are:

Masculinity

Last time we talked about how to “man up” in exactly the way women want us to. That’s the first component of the “Big Four”.

Men and women are designed to attract each other. This is so fundamentally simple a concept, yet one that is so easily clouded in today’s world.

Men are softening their demeanors, taking the edge off the strength that inherently makes them men. Instead, they are giving in to temptation to become more feminine in the name of “sensitivity”.

You, as a man who desires feminine, attractive women must absolutely, positively resist feminization of your personality and of your lifestyle.

If you read that as “being insensitive” or in any other misogynistic way, you’ve been hornswaggled, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed and any other synonym for “deceived” that you’ve ever heard in an old cartoon before.

Seriously.

Being masculine is NOT synonymous with acting like some under-evolved “caveman” who rapes, pillages and is otherwise responsible for every form of pain on Earth.

Be the guy who leads, plans, protects and decides like a man. Put aside “softness” and “weakness” while retaining heartfelt benevolence towards all.

And watch as women become drawn to you like a magnet to steel.

Confidence

If you know what you want, and fail to take action because of fear or indecision, then you are-by definition-lacking confidence.

A woman wants a man who leads, and contrary to what you may have heard elsewhere she wants a man who takes charge of his own destiny and SELECTS her.

That’s right, YOU SHOULD BE THE CHOOSER. Offloading that responsibility onto women, or dismissing it entirely as mythical is a COP OUT.

As a man who is comfortable in the fact that he deserves what he wants, your inner-game must be together enough for you to ACT UPON that.

In concept, confidence is nothing more complicated than a firmly held belief in your ability to succeed at a high level while dismissing the possibility of failure (preferably entirely).

So at the baseline, confidence is absolutely necessary in order for you to even meet the women you want, let alone demonstrate your ability to provide a balanced environment for the relationship to grow in.

This segues nicely into the next factor?

Inspiring Confidence

Once you’ve achieved a level of confidence that enables a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself (which carries an important cause/effect relationship) then you are ready to affect something in your relationships with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) that is intensely powerful.

It’s like this: Women want SAFETY.

Unfortunately, the man women most need to be protected from is the ONE THEY’RE WITH.

If you drive like a maniac when she’s riding shotgun, openly flirt with other women in her presence, waffle over decisions, have absolutely zero ambition and have no clue what to do with her when you pick her up (let alone when it’s TIME TO KISS HER), guess what? She’ll have no sense of stability around you.

Not knowing what to expect next is fun for women when it comes to special surprises, unannounced plans and other such lightweight moments that contribute to “being unpredictable”.

And granted, if you are boring and unexciting that’s NO FUN for women. In fact, it could be argued effectively that “Being Fun and Interesting” could have made this list a “Big Five”.

But what we’re covering here is something deeper. YOU are like a bastion of strength, no matter what happens or when it happens.

This builds the all-important measure of trust in her heart and mind.

When you have successfully caused a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself-no matter what the situation-then you have succeeded at INSPIRING CONFIDENCE. She can rest in your presence. Without that, she’ll resent you–if not become flatly repulsed.

Character

This is one of the most misunderstood terms in the English language.

Don’t kid yourself. “Character” is not to be confused with “being a character”.

Simply putting away routines and openers does NOT equal “character-based” seduction like some “natural game” proponents would have you believe.

“Character” is rock-solid stability at your very core. It’s doing what’s right simply because it’s the right thing to do, not because of “what’s in it for you”.

A man of character promises only what he is capable of delivering, and often delivers more than he promises out of sheer overachievement.

He does what he says he is going to do, and avoids deception.

He is all about building others up rather than tearing them down in a weak attempt to make himself appear “better”. The man of character realizes that’s neither ethical nor effective, even.

Mostly, the man of character has his identity figured out and his conscience is okay with that. And when that’s all set, you’ll NEVER, EVER have to ask “What do I do next?” “Character” is “seductive” by definition.

Do you get the sense that each separate component of the “Big Four” is in fact the component of a larger, cohesive concept? If so, then YES?you are 100% correct. It’s very much as if they each contribute to and are in fact are amplified by one another.

And that “larger concept” is, in case you haven’t figured it out, HOW TO BE A GREAT MAN.

And GREAT MEN attract and deserve GREAT WOMEN.

What it all comes down to is this: A GREAT WOMAN wants a man who has his part covered so that she can be FREED UP to be the feminine woman she was born to be. You make her feel like a woman, and you are that man.

Miss out on that, and it’s back to sitting around figuring out how two neuter creatures are supposed to attract each other?which of course is a pointless exercise. Unless, of course, you’re okay with a neuter woman. Or one who “wears the pants”.

But I’m telling you, show me a woman who “wears the pants” and I’ll show you a BITTER woman, not a BETTER woman.

So why make her do both jobs? Why make her fulfill upon the masculine and the feminine?

Or are you really okay with having the feminine part covered yourself?

If so, good luck with that.

But my vision for you is much, much more noble than that. All you have to do is visualize it for yourself.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.
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Of course I jest ? but there?s a hint of truth here. Remember, the engagement period is more than the time needed to plan a big party. It?s also the trial run for your marriage and future life together. And guess what – any unresolved issues during your engagement are clues to future marriage woes. The bottom line – discuss potential challenges and disagreements now, not after you?ve cut the wedding cake.

So while up until now you may have been the couple that never fights ? here?s your chance. Read this list of the top pre-wedding fights ? er ? discussions to have before you say ?I do.?

1. The ?Don’t Leave the Toilet Seat Up? Tussle

Now?s the time to address any petty grievances you both may have ignored until now. You?ve heard it a thousand times, and it holds true here ? communication is key. We know – blah, blah, blah – but it’s cliche for a reason. You need to clear the air now, because these little gripes – left unsaid ? can build up underlying tension over the years ? only to bubble over and explode into a completely unrelated future argument. Remember to keep this discussion productive and lighthearted. Nagging or initiating a screaming duel over his pants left on the floor (again) is not going to solve anything.

2. The ?You Want Me To Do What?? Melee

Unless a personal maid and assistant is on your bridal registry (a novel idea!) – someone?s gonna have to scour the shared bathroom in your new dwelling? You’ll soon find that they key to marital bliss is agreement on whose task is whose. While an itemized chore list is a tad ambitious, lay out expectations in advance and avoid future blowups. You should know each other well enough by this point to divvy tasks accordingly: common sense dictates that your fiance who bounced 3 checks last month should relinquish bill duty, and if your white sheets are now gray – best hand over laundry duty. And while you’re divvying out chores – discuss broader marriage roles. How do you see yourself as a wife? a mother? a professional? How does he see himself?

3. The ?When Should We Procreate?? Debate

Don?t even consider walking down that aisle without a game plan for children. Avoid this discussion, and you risk bringing innocent bystanders into a world of dysfunction – namely, yours. Before your wedding day, reach a consensus on: when those little feet will start to pitter patter, how many feet will be doing the pattering, and whether they?ll even patter at all.

4. The ?Festivus for the Rest of Us ? Controversy

If your Tree is his Festivus Pole ? it?s time to talk religion. Combining two faiths can be tricky. Discuss together your values, and identify what religious traditions are most meaningful for each of you to incorporate into your wedding ceremony and marriage. How will you combine holidays? Raise your children? And even if you share the same religious background ? what role will religion play in your life together?

5. The ?Not Tonight Dear, I Have a Headache? Tug of War

Sure ? things may be spicy now ? but your sex life is bound to evolve and change a number of times throughout your marriage. What are your sexual expectations? Are you able to speak openly about sex? Have a frank discussion now ? when your relationship is new and confidence is high. Otherwise, you risk establishing a pattern of avoidance and inability to discuss sexual wants and needs – a huge marital red flag.

6. The ?Does This Make Me Look Fat?? Confrontation

?Til death do you part… that allows an awful long time for your body to age. And even if you both succeed in fighting off middle age weight gain, inevitable wrinkles, gray hairs, or hairs in the wrong places will eventually makeover your once- youthful selves. How are you going to deal? What are your expectations for your own and your spouse’s physical upkeep?

7. The ?You charged WHAT to the Amex?? Brawl

Without a doubt ? financial woes are one of the main stressors in a marriage and a primary cause of divorce. For new couples, the topic of money can be uncomfortable ? and certainly unromantic. But how romantic will it be when you’re forced to pawn that rock on your left finger to pay off your groom?s insurmountable gambling debts? Bottom line ? get over yourself ? and practice full financial disclosure. What will be your combined income as a newly married couple? Do you have any current debt and how will you manage it together? Is there anything (real estate, travel, college fund) for which you?re willing to take on debt? How will you manage savings? Investments? How and when do you plan to retire?

8. The ?Not So All in the Family? Feud

Ah, in laws ? the quintessential love/hate relationship. Remember ? when you marry the man ? you also marry the family. So while it?s not essential to tell your hubby-to-be exactly how you feel about his needling mother, it is important to come to terms with family involvement and what level of closeness is acceptable. If your idea of the perfect Thanksgiving involves skiing in Switzerland and his involves a big sit down with his extended family in Toledo ? it?s best to express these expectations out now, and start crafting a compromise.

1. Name Tags – Instead of using name tags, use the front cover from leftover Christmas or other holidays. Just cut along the crease and glue or tape the card to the top of your wrapped package. Most designs have some unprinted space to allow you to write the name of the recipient and a short note.
2. Decoration – Instead of using ribbons and bows, make the decoration part of the gift. Tie a bunch of cinnamon stick on top with ribbon. Tie your package with satin or velvet ribbon and let the ends of the ribbon flow down the package. Add a silk flower inserted in the knot of the bow. If your recipient likes to cook, tie wooden kitchen utensils in the bow. Your ribbon or wrapping paper could be replaced with a decorative kitchen towel.
3. Festive boxes – For small items, buy small Chinese take out cartons, the ones that have a folded top and metal handle. Decorate the outside with brightly colored stickers of hearts, flower, or Christmas themes. Write the recipients name on the top flaps.
4. Original Wrapping Paper – At the craft store, buy sponges that have been cut into shapes of flowers, sailboats, etc. Dip them in paint and press them onto plain white wrapping paper or Kraft colored paper. Your decoration can fit the gift or the recipients taste.
5. Trimmings – Instead of using bows on every package, buy ornaments or small toys when they are on sale. Use these items that best fit your recipient’s hobby or lifestyle and tie or glue them onto your package.
6. Name Sacks – Sew up some red, blue, yellow, and green velvet squares into sacks. Turn down the top edge, sew in place to allow a small opening for a drawstring. Write the recipients name on the bag with glue and sprinkle the glue with glitter. Fill the sacks with candy or small toys. Use more string to wrap around the package and through the drawstring to secure the sacks.

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