This person is the one in your dreams! They are absolutely perfect in
every way. You love they way they look, talk, sit and scrunch up their
nose when something seems odd or off the wall. The clothes they wear are
the exact clothes you would pick if you were them and they seem to like
all the same bands, restaurants and you even both like to spend long
hours walking through the city. You can't believe your luck and you are in a dating frenzy! Every possible moment is spent with this person or thinking about this person!
You've even started to get little gifts for your date since you can't
help yourself. You love to see his or her eyes light up when you unveil
what you have in your pocket, picked out just for them. It doesn't
really matter to you that your date never gets you anything. It's enough
to just be with them and you are grateful for your luck!
Then you notice that you are picking up most of the expense on these
wonderful excursions you take as often as you can. The money is getting
a little tight since you aren't used to doing so much socializing but
you know it's all worth it. You are so in love you just keep giving and
the Visa is easy to use.
Every so often you wonder how come your adorable date can't even bring
you a single rose once in awhile. You know that they make money and you
don't see them spending any on you but who really cares? Isn't it more
important that they are with you? That you get to be with this really
great person who makes you laugh and whom you are falling so much in
love with?
No, it isn't.
Money is one of the biggest breakers of relationships when dating or
when you're so completely entwined in another person's life. Who spends
more, what the money is spent on and who does what becomes enormous as
time goes on so it's vital that you watch for a few signs during the dating
times.
- As the dating gets going are you agreeing on where you go and who
buys what? It's great to be wined and dined but for both people look out
if one person always picks up the tab. If it's you doing the paying
there may be resentment that the other person never even offers to help
with the tab. If you are always being taken out it makes things a little
on the "beholden" side. Lastly, most of the time during the
getting-to-know you section of dating you don't know your dates
financial situation and someone who spends a lot of money can either be
someone who has a lot of money or someone who has a lot of debt. Dating
leads to long term so being able to share some expenses puts both of you
on a more even footing.
- Spending style. Some people are very lavish in the way they spend
money. They tip big, they valet park, they have services done for them
and money seems to not be a challenge or concern. Then there are people
who had to pay for school, who had frugal or lower income parents and
who are frightened to spend money. This has nothing to do with gender
and mostly how a person was raised and how they deal with money. If one
person is a spender and the other is a saver there could be some bad
moments coming in your relationship.
- Taking money or the other person's money for granted. If you start
the relationship with one person paying for everything and the other
person expecting it then there could come a time when things change and
the relationship is tested. Better to allow these conversations to
happen early so you can attempt to prevent a broken heart and broken
bank account.
How do you know what to do? Who is a spendthrift and who is an
overspender? Watch, listen and ask a lot of questions. To have a
successful relationship you both need to bring something to the table.
If one person doesn't have as much money as the other it's fine but then
the person with less can come up with creative ways to pull their weight
in the romancing department.
GetRomantic.com has all kinds of ideas for adding romance that don't break the bank and it takes a loving heart and a creative spirit to plan
something wonderful on a shoestring.
Money has ruined many relationships, mostly because it wasn't discussed,
someone gave up their power, or resentment set in. Dating and money
doesn't have to be opposites, it just needs to be something you are
aware of.
Treat your date to a picnic in the park with homemade goodies or send
hand made cards telling your date how special they are. Do the little
inexpensive things that take planning and not only will you be showing
your dating savvy, it's a gracious and wonderful way to make someone
feel really special.
To your dating success!
Shawna Schuh is a motivation speaker, etiquette educator and author. She has authored several booklets on etiquette, including: "The Art of Chit Chat", "Great Grooming Tips", and "Courtesies around Cuisine".
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