“It’s about freakin’ time”, someone said. And I have no arguments for you there.

Better late than never though. So let’s fix the situation.

The “Big Four”, in principle, are the most basic, fundamental factors that decide whether a woman is attracted to you or not.

Get them right, and women WILL respond powerfully to you. Ignore them (or worse?be ignorant OF them) and you could spend the rest of your life wondering what the problem is.

So obviously, this is one of the more important newsletters I’ve written to you.

Before I break down the “Big Four” for you, I want to offer a sincere caveat: There is NO WAY this newsletter is going to cover every single nuance of what these concepts entail.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.

After all, quite literally everything I talk about or write about hinges on the “Big Four”.

So with out any further intro, here they are:

Masculinity

Last time we talked about how to “man up” in exactly the way women want us to. That’s the first component of the “Big Four”.

Men and women are designed to attract each other. This is so fundamentally simple a concept, yet one that is so easily clouded in today’s world.

Men are softening their demeanors, taking the edge off the strength that inherently makes them men. Instead, they are giving in to temptation to become more feminine in the name of “sensitivity”.

You, as a man who desires feminine, attractive women must absolutely, positively resist feminization of your personality and of your lifestyle.

If you read that as “being insensitive” or in any other misogynistic way, you’ve been hornswaggled, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed and any other synonym for “deceived” that you’ve ever heard in an old cartoon before.

Seriously.

Being masculine is NOT synonymous with acting like some under-evolved “caveman” who rapes, pillages and is otherwise responsible for every form of pain on Earth.

Be the guy who leads, plans, protects and decides like a man. Put aside “softness” and “weakness” while retaining heartfelt benevolence towards all.

And watch as women become drawn to you like a magnet to steel.

Confidence

If you know what you want, and fail to take action because of fear or indecision, then you are-by definition-lacking confidence.

A woman wants a man who leads, and contrary to what you may have heard elsewhere she wants a man who takes charge of his own destiny and SELECTS her.

That’s right, YOU SHOULD BE THE CHOOSER. Offloading that responsibility onto women, or dismissing it entirely as mythical is a COP OUT.

As a man who is comfortable in the fact that he deserves what he wants, your inner-game must be together enough for you to ACT UPON that.

In concept, confidence is nothing more complicated than a firmly held belief in your ability to succeed at a high level while dismissing the possibility of failure (preferably entirely).

So at the baseline, confidence is absolutely necessary in order for you to even meet the women you want, let alone demonstrate your ability to provide a balanced environment for the relationship to grow in.

This segues nicely into the next factor?

Inspiring Confidence

Once you’ve achieved a level of confidence that enables a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself (which carries an important cause/effect relationship) then you are ready to affect something in your relationships with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) that is intensely powerful.

It’s like this: Women want SAFETY.

Unfortunately, the man women most need to be protected from is the ONE THEY’RE WITH.

If you drive like a maniac when she’s riding shotgun, openly flirt with other women in her presence, waffle over decisions, have absolutely zero ambition and have no clue what to do with her when you pick her up (let alone when it’s TIME TO KISS HER), guess what? She’ll have no sense of stability around you.

Not knowing what to expect next is fun for women when it comes to special surprises, unannounced plans and other such lightweight moments that contribute to “being unpredictable”.

And granted, if you are boring and unexciting that’s NO FUN for women. In fact, it could be argued effectively that “Being Fun and Interesting” could have made this list a “Big Five”.

But what we’re covering here is something deeper. YOU are like a bastion of strength, no matter what happens or when it happens.

This builds the all-important measure of trust in her heart and mind.

When you have successfully caused a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself-no matter what the situation-then you have succeeded at INSPIRING CONFIDENCE. She can rest in your presence. Without that, she’ll resent you–if not become flatly repulsed.

Character

This is one of the most misunderstood terms in the English language.

Don’t kid yourself. “Character” is not to be confused with “being a character”.

Simply putting away routines and openers does NOT equal “character-based” seduction like some “natural game” proponents would have you believe.

“Character” is rock-solid stability at your very core. It’s doing what’s right simply because it’s the right thing to do, not because of “what’s in it for you”.

A man of character promises only what he is capable of delivering, and often delivers more than he promises out of sheer overachievement.

He does what he says he is going to do, and avoids deception.

He is all about building others up rather than tearing them down in a weak attempt to make himself appear “better”. The man of character realizes that’s neither ethical nor effective, even.

Mostly, the man of character has his identity figured out and his conscience is okay with that. And when that’s all set, you’ll NEVER, EVER have to ask “What do I do next?” “Character” is “seductive” by definition.

Do you get the sense that each separate component of the “Big Four” is in fact the component of a larger, cohesive concept? If so, then YES?you are 100% correct. It’s very much as if they each contribute to and are in fact are amplified by one another.

And that “larger concept” is, in case you haven’t figured it out, HOW TO BE A GREAT MAN.

And GREAT MEN attract and deserve GREAT WOMEN.

What it all comes down to is this: A GREAT WOMAN wants a man who has his part covered so that she can be FREED UP to be the feminine woman she was born to be. You make her feel like a woman, and you are that man.

Miss out on that, and it’s back to sitting around figuring out how two neuter creatures are supposed to attract each other?which of course is a pointless exercise. Unless, of course, you’re okay with a neuter woman. Or one who “wears the pants”.

But I’m telling you, show me a woman who “wears the pants” and I’ll show you a BITTER woman, not a BETTER woman.

So why make her do both jobs? Why make her fulfill upon the masculine and the feminine?

Or are you really okay with having the feminine part covered yourself?

If so, good luck with that.

But my vision for you is much, much more noble than that. All you have to do is visualize it for yourself.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.
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That’s why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date. And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they’re doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of success on your first date:

Mistake #1 – Buying Gifts

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn’t the best idea – especially if you’ve just met the woman! She’s there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves “what does THAT mean?” And in this case it’s, “He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn’t even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

Mistake #2 – Being Mr. Serious

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously. Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious”.

Mistake #3 – Conducting and Interview

When men become “Mr. Serious” they often fall into “job interview conversation mode.” Make sure you reserve questions like, “So where do you work?” or “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” for the future, after you’ve already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff. Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you’ve known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

Mistake #4 – Being Too Needy & Direct

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, “so do you like me?” or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake. Ironically, it’s leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman’s attention and keeps her interested.

Mistake #5 – Going to Boring Places

If your date finds the night boring, you’re finished. When it comes to having fun on first dates, nothing is more important than what you do. And while dinners and movies are nice, it’s really hard to leave a great impression in these settings. Why? Because they set a very “proper tone” that’s hard to turn into fun and playful. And unless you’re a super funny, intelligent and interesting guy, dinner and movie dates just aren’t the best place to take your date. Instead, go to fun places like mini-golf parks, carnivals, parks, or even better, come up with your own unique and fun ideas.

So in essence, while there are many factors to having a successful date, a great date idea really helps you do many of them naturally! Remember, where you take a woman on a first date can be the difference between a great night and a dating disaster! Choose wisely!

What was the biggest complaint about the younger kid? If you had a standard relationship, the biggest strain was ALWAYS that your younger sibling hung around too much.

There you were, trying to play video games, and he was always butting in, usually being embarrassing for some unplaced reason. You wanted to go to the movies with your friends, and she wanted to come, and your mom made you take him.

It was so ANNOYING! You had this clinging human that you couldn’t get rid of, you couldn’t get a MOMENT for YOURSELF!

I mean, why didn’t he hang out with his OWN friends? Why couldn’t he GET HIS OWN LIFE, and just leave you alone?

Guess what. You are your younger brother.

Many guys make the CRUCIAL error of opening themselves up too soon to new women in their life, ESPECIALLY very attractive and sought-after ones.

You?ve been there. So have I.

Everything is going great, and one day it’s so great you can?t help yourself. You feel the NEED to SHARE these strong feelings with the woman. You are so HAPPY you can?t contain yourself.

And then it all goes wrong.

Maybe she just seems to cool and slowly lose interest. Maybe she gives you the dreaded friend treatment, or she might even just blow you off completely.

And it doesn’t make any sense. Everything was wonderful, and then suddenly it wasn’t, and you have NO IDEA WHY.

Guess what. You are your younger brother.

The SECOND you open yourself up like this to a lady, she’s thinking “Here we go again.” Even if you haven’t yet, she’s been through this before.

Of course she has. Attractive women have guys crawling all over them every day, and she has to know how to get rid of the rejects quickly. Usually she can tell the weak and self-conscious a mile away, but every once and awhile a guy sneaks past her defenses.

She enjoys her time with him, he seems cool and in control, and then he has to tell her how he FEELS.

Not a trait of the strong confident type. That by itself isn’t what does the relationship in, but it’s what often FOLLOWS that a girl will avoid like a Roseanne bikini collection.

The guy CHANGES overnight from the confident man she enjoyed her time with, into a needy wussy over-sensitive puddle of spongy goo. Probably at least ONE of these guys in her past turned into a STALKER after she lost attraction and gave him walking papers.

Not to say YOU will - God I hope not - and if you’ve got a patient lady she may wait to find out which guy shows up the next few times - the confident man she fell for, or a self-help sensitive whiner who isn’t happy without constant affirmation.

But you spill the beans too soon, and she’ll start thinking of ways out.

This isn’t to say you can never express how you feel; there’s a time in every relationship when it?s appropriate. It’s just that most guys skip ahead WAY too early. And it gives the girls the heebie-jeebies.

Just like it would you.

One time I was dating two women, trying to decide which one to have a deeper relationship with, if either. One of them, on our second or third date, crawled between my legs when we got home and begged me to MARRY her. I mean pleaded, cried, everything.

Guess how long it took me to drop her? Whatever you just said, it wasn?t that long.

She FREAKED ME OUT and I started thinking about all the ways she must be damaged to be that needy. It’s not attractive at all. I went from pitched-tent to frightened turtle in negative 8 seconds.

And you KNOW you’d do the same if someone you barely know said something like that to you.

Start telling a girl too early how much you like her, sometimes even just saying how much you like your TIME together, and the lady has the same reaction.

She goes from snowy-morning pert to steam-bath smooth in the same negative 8.

Not to mention, even if she reacts well to it, the thrill is gone. The mystery is dead, the chase has ended, you?ve got NO power in the relationship anymore and she knows it.

Like with your kid bro, she might evilly give you little missions just to see what kind of power she has over you, just to get the rush and the giggles out of it.

That is NO way to go through a relationship.

Now if, on the other hand, things are going well and she’s starting to want to hear some committal words and you HOLD BACK, the tension and mystery just increases.

I remember one girl I absolutely adored said something shocking to me after a tiff - she said she was very insecure around me because she didn?t even know if I liked her at all. And she LOVED that excitement.

Talk about an eye-opener.

I’m not advocating you play with the lady’s emotions - at least not much - but I AM saying that it’s a LOT better to wait too long than to speak too soon. You retain that sexy control, you have the power in the relationship, and she finds you more attractive that way anyway.

Certainly compared to all the Mr. Rogers clones she’s had to avoid all her life.

Plus, it says all the right things about YOU and your time, that you have a fruitful independent life outside her presence, that you like being with her (or else you wouldn’t be there) but also that you’re ok on your own.

No woman wants to be a mom. She wants to be a LOVER, not a babysitter.

And now, this next part might take some getting used to: it goes against most of what you’ve ever been taught.

DON’T COMPLIMENT HER.

Oh, the occasional comment is alright, as long as it’s sincere and not forced. It’s also alright to use as an ice-breaker when meeting ladies, before she knows who you are, the cocky humor has to be very delicately balanced or you come off like an a-hole.

But when a lady I’m seeing is fishing for a compliment, I usually deflect that away in a funny style.

Say you?re getting ready to go out and she asks “Do I look fat in this dress?” I will often answer with “I wasn’t going to say anything, but?” and get a laugh, a slap on the arm, a free pass on the most dreaded question in datingdom and a turned-on woman.

Take the other route and do the usual cave, saying something like “No, you look great” or “You look great in everything baby.” and it sounds like she FORCED you into that answer.

She can control you. She doesn’t want to be able to control you. She wants a MAN, dammit!

Again, far enough along you can get away with giving a random real compliment, even in response to a fishing question - if you’re independence is strong and what you say sounds - and IS – sincere.

Just don’t overdo it.

On a similar line of thinking, DO NOT go out of your way to buy expensive dinners and presents early in the relationship. If your first dinner is at Spago, she’s gonna feel like you’re reaching to impress her.

Or, worse, that you’re trying to buy her.

That’s not to say you can’t have a first date at Spago, but if you do, it needs to be CLEAR that you were going there anyway, and she’s welcome to come along if she likes.

If you go out of your way for her, she’ll know it, and she won’t like it.

Unless you have millions of dollars to play with. Then it MIGHT work, with certain women.

Otherwise, you’ll just come off as someone desperate for her attention that doesn’t have anything but gifts to offer. Doesn’t make you look like the most attractive puppy in the litter (ironically, puppies that take women to Spago invariably do very well).

So in short, DON’T BLOW YOUR LOAD TOO EARLY.

Of course, to get to the stage of WITHOLDING that inexorable urge to tell the woman everything you feel about her, you have to get the woman first. You can get lucky now and again, or you can slowly learn the mistakes that everyone has to make, you can skip all that by learning the skills from someone who’s ALREADY made the mistakes and now knows what to do to get past all the tests women throw at men.

Yes, Henry Kissinger finally has a dating guide.

Ha, I?m talking about me. You can learn literally HUNDREDS of secrets about the psyche that women take into dating, and how to make them work for you by reading my books The Seduction Science System, 3rd Edition, or any of a score of other books available on my website with enough tips to make Don Juan take notice. Until next time.

Regards,

Derek Vitalio

http://www.seductionscience.com

There is nothing like hearing a guy I’m attracted to say my name…especially when it takes me by surprise. Catching me offguard is good for you because use of my name at those times will not go unnoticed. I have seen my attraction level for a man go from mild interest to ‘can’t get him out of mind’ just by him using my name at key points in a conversation. This is very powerful, and it only takes one conversation to have me hooked if you play your cards right.

In lue of this article I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why saying my name is so strongly connected with my becoming interested in you. I was able to come up with a few theories, so here they are:

1. The big factor is when you use my name at unexpected or unneccessary points in the conversation. For example: “Hi Tabitha” is a common thing to hear, but “Nice to meet you Tabitha” or “What do you think Tabitha?” or “Would you like a drink Tabitha?” or “Goodbye Tabitha” (in ending a conversation) is not so common. At those times inserting my name is more deliberate, so it catches me offguard and grabs my attention. That is key, once it catches me offguard I notice it, and once I notice it I think about it and once I think about it I think about you. Part of me feels that you must like my name if you use it often.
2. When you use my name I feel that you like my name, and I then feel that you like me. It’s a chain reaction that I really have very little control over. I’m smiling right now thinking about how true that is. I sometimes find myself gauging a man’s level of interest in me by how often, and when, he uses my name.
3. Hearing a man say my name can be very sexy (tenfold when he’s whispering). I’m not alone here. I know a woman, who many years ago was dating a guy who always told her that he loved her name. She said that because he loved her name so much he used it frequently. Sometimes while kissing her he would just say her name and nothing else….she said that this gave her chills through her entire body.

   It is sexy because the male voice itself is sexy (well, most of the time), and when you combine the effect of saying my name with the effect of a deep male voice…wow.

   If you really want fireworks to go off while kissing her, move up to her ear and whisper her name.

4. Saying my name makes me feel special. Anyone can carry on a conversation with me without ever needing to use my name; but when a guy makes a point of plugging “Tabitha” into sentences, it personalizes the conversation. It makes me feel that he likes my name, that he likes saying my name, that he enjoys talking to me, and that he is trying to connect with me. I think that is the number one reason why hearing my name “lights my fire”.

Have I convinced you of this power you can have? This suggestion does not take practice, you just do it! You can start on the next woman you talk to. Try to soften your voice when you use her name, it sounds more caring. Also, like everything else…be careful not to overuse this. Do not say her name in every sentence, do not even use it in half of your sentences…three times in each conversation is enough.

If you are in a relationship right now don’t hesitate to try this on your partner. Instead of just telling him/her you love her tonight, try “I Love You (insert name here)” or instead of goodnight try “Goodnight (insert name here)”.

Ways to Show a Woman You are Listening

1. If she has had a bad day and is venting to you, encourage her to tell you more. Ask lots of questions so that she can ‘get it all out’ and does not feel as though she is burdening you with her problems.
2. If she mentions that she has a doctor’s appointment (or any appointment or interview) ask her how it went the next time you talk to her. This scores a lot of points!
3. If she is upset, listen to her vent her frustrations and make empathetic comments such as: “Oh, that must have been upsetting”, “I don’t blame you a bit for feeling this way”, “It’s not your fault”, “I think you are completely justified for reacting that way”, “Wow…that must have been hard”.
4. When she tells you something, ask her questions such as “How did that make you feel?”, “How do you feel?”, “What did you think of that?”.
5. Ask her questions about herself: “What do you like to do for fun?”, “What is your favorite movie?”, “What do you like best about your job?”.

Maybe you’re in bar. Maybe you’re at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she’s
someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you’re actually out on a date.

In any event, now you’ve got to do something scarey, something
unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end
one before it even gets started. YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your
therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can’t think of
anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the
"right" thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don’t. When your average gent converses with a woman, he’s
basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will
"connect" with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the "Don Juan" way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what
doesn’t, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don’t want to leave her
feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that’s what we’re going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article
focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful
lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics
which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the
option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic
relationship.

Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking
TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore
women to tears. They think they’re "impressing" the women when, in reality,
they’re "depressing" the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you’re
saying doesn’t necessarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while
silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away… and
never come back.

So key number one is DON’T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the
conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly
interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves
for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say next. Focus all your
attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or
"feel" what she’s saying.

This does take a little effort. It’s not very hard to do, but it’s not
something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any
"seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle
hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be
willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It’s pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It’s almost as
if she’s testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on
what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?

Well… she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just
moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking
a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How
long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there?
f) What’s it like there?

Kim’s two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on.
Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she’d like to talk
about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was
making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what
she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry
about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to
say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not
repulsed by him). How? She didn’t blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk
to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a
somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn’t pick up on it and blew his chances with
her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you
better, she will GIVE YOU free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds
for you to water. If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t give you much of anything and
it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how
charming you are, if she doesn’t "help you out some" you’ll eventually have to
admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she’d like to discuss.

Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two
other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a
proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about
themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if
you want others to like you. This is true… to a certain extent.

People DO like to talk about themselves and they DO like those who listen,
ask questions, and seem interested in what they’re saying.

But…

If you’re goal is to charm this lady, you’ve got to do more than that.
You’ve got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you’ve got to "tell
her" that YOU TWO ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you
can relate yourself to something she’s talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.
Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about
moving there myself.

Jim is smooth.

Jim didn’t ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself
that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking
questions, then he’s probably doing very well with Kim.

A good talk/listen ratio would be around 40/60 or 30/70. That is, you want
to spend around 30 or 40 percent of the time talking, and about 60 to 70 percent of the
time listening. And you should spend as much of that 30 to 40 percent as possible in the
"me-too zone."

Think about it this way…

Let’s assume you just went on a dinner date with a lady you like very
much. If you monopolized the conversation and spent most of the time telling her how
"wonderful" you are, you can pretty much expect there won’t be a second date. I
hope you can understand this.

On the other hand, imagine you’d spent the entire two hours together
sitting there, listening, and asking her questions. You probably did much better. She did
seem happy. She did seem to enjoy the conversation. But still…

After the date she’s going to go home and think about the date. And she’s
going to think about you. She’s going to think about whether she should spend more time
with you or not.

The fact that you haven’t said much of anything all evening is going to be
your downfall… BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.

You haven’t told her anything about yourself. She still has no idea if she
should be interested in you or not. She knows you don’t monopolize the conversation and
you’re a good listener. And she likes that. But that’s not enough to spark any kind of
emotion in her.

Now imagine you’d spent 60 to 70 percent of the date listening to her
(really listening and asking questions), and about 30 to 40 percent of the time telling
her about yourself. Specifically, telling her about yourself in a way that makes the two
of you seem very similar.

This time when she goes home, sits down, grabs something to drink, and
starts reminiscing about the date (and you), she’s going to have something substantial to
think about. She’s going to think what a wonderful conversationalist you are. You didn’t
monopolize the conversation. You didn’t bore her with details of your job, your childhood,
or the health of your colon.

And because you spent a substantial amount of time pointing out how
similar the two of you are, she’s going to think that you are very SPECIAL. (After all,
you’re just like her. You must be.)

People always like others who are similar to themselves. By being similar
to me, you essentially validate my perceptions of the world. I will see you as clever,
intelligent, charming, and likeable… because you’re like me.

(It’s true that opposites do SOMETIMES attract. But only under certain
situations. On the other hand, similars ALMOST ALWAYS attract. You should always go for
the similarity angle during the first part of a relationship. You’ll can reveal to her
your "unique" qualities later.)

And don’t worry or feel cheated because you don’t get to talk about the
things you want to talk about. If you play your cards right during the first few
conversations or dates, you’ll have plenty of time later on to bore her with all your
"interesting" stories.

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to
"play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested
questions, and making "me too" statements. It’s a simple 1, 2, 3.

A couple can also anticipate each other’s needs to help keep the romantic feelings and intimacy alive. A married couple has an advantage because the longer you have been with someone the easier it will be for you to anticipate her needs. For example, a man who knows that his wife prefers to drink water will be able to ask for a glass of water on her behalf at a social gathering.

Here are some examples of situations where the man is anticipating the woman’s needs:

• They are sitting at home watching a movie, she is drinking coke, and he is drinking water. When her glass is almost empty, without being asked, he goes to the kitchen and refills her drink.
• She has a bit of a cold so he grabs a box of tissues for the car on their way out the door.
• She is sick, he offers to make her soup without being asked.
• They are eating at a fast food restaurant and she has salad. While she is putting the salad dressing on the salad she starts to run out so he goes to the cash and brings her back more salad dressing (without being asked).
• She is carrying something heavy and he holds the door for her.
• She was up late the night before, so he brings her breakfast in bed.

In all these situations the woman is needing something, or will be needing something, and her boyfriend/husband helps without being asked. Because he knows her so well he knows what she likes and what she needs and he gives it to her without being asked. It really is a wonderful feeling when you get the point of knowing someone so well that you can do this…try it!