Maybe you’re in bar. Maybe you’re at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she’s
someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you’re actually out on a date.

In any event, now you’ve got to do something scarey, something
unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end
one before it even gets started. YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your
therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can’t think of
anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the
"right" thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don’t. When your average gent converses with a woman, he’s
basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will
"connect" with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the "Don Juan" way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what
doesn’t, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don’t want to leave her
feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that’s what we’re going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article
focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful
lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics
which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the
option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic
relationship.

Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking
TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore
women to tears. They think they’re "impressing" the women when, in reality,
they’re "depressing" the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you’re
saying doesn’t necessarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while
silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away… and
never come back.

So key number one is DON’T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the
conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly
interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves
for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say next. Focus all your
attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or
"feel" what she’s saying.

This does take a little effort. It’s not very hard to do, but it’s not
something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any
"seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle
hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be
willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It’s pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It’s almost as
if she’s testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on
what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?

Well… she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just
moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking
a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How
long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there?
f) What’s it like there?

Kim’s two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on.
Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she’d like to talk
about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was
making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what
she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry
about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to
say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not
repulsed by him). How? She didn’t blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk
to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a
somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn’t pick up on it and blew his chances with
her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you
better, she will GIVE YOU free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds
for you to water. If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t give you much of anything and
it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how
charming you are, if she doesn’t "help you out some" you’ll eventually have to
admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she’d like to discuss.

Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two
other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a
proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about
themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if
you want others to like you. This is true… to a certain extent.

People DO like to talk about themselves and they DO like those who listen,
ask questions, and seem interested in what they’re saying.

But…

If you’re goal is to charm this lady, you’ve got to do more than that.
You’ve got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you’ve got to "tell
her" that YOU TWO ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you
can relate yourself to something she’s talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.
Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about
moving there myself.

Jim is smooth.

Jim didn’t ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself
that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking
questions, then he’s probably doing very well with Kim.

A good talk/listen ratio would be around 40/60 or 30/70. That is, you want
to spend around 30 or 40 percent of the time talking, and about 60 to 70 percent of the
time listening. And you should spend as much of that 30 to 40 percent as possible in the
"me-too zone."

Think about it this way…

Let’s assume you just went on a dinner date with a lady you like very
much. If you monopolized the conversation and spent most of the time telling her how
"wonderful" you are, you can pretty much expect there won’t be a second date. I
hope you can understand this.

On the other hand, imagine you’d spent the entire two hours together
sitting there, listening, and asking her questions. You probably did much better. She did
seem happy. She did seem to enjoy the conversation. But still…

After the date she’s going to go home and think about the date. And she’s
going to think about you. She’s going to think about whether she should spend more time
with you or not.

The fact that you haven’t said much of anything all evening is going to be
your downfall… BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.

You haven’t told her anything about yourself. She still has no idea if she
should be interested in you or not. She knows you don’t monopolize the conversation and
you’re a good listener. And she likes that. But that’s not enough to spark any kind of
emotion in her.

Now imagine you’d spent 60 to 70 percent of the date listening to her
(really listening and asking questions), and about 30 to 40 percent of the time telling
her about yourself. Specifically, telling her about yourself in a way that makes the two
of you seem very similar.

This time when she goes home, sits down, grabs something to drink, and
starts reminiscing about the date (and you), she’s going to have something substantial to
think about. She’s going to think what a wonderful conversationalist you are. You didn’t
monopolize the conversation. You didn’t bore her with details of your job, your childhood,
or the health of your colon.

And because you spent a substantial amount of time pointing out how
similar the two of you are, she’s going to think that you are very SPECIAL. (After all,
you’re just like her. You must be.)

People always like others who are similar to themselves. By being similar
to me, you essentially validate my perceptions of the world. I will see you as clever,
intelligent, charming, and likeable… because you’re like me.

(It’s true that opposites do SOMETIMES attract. But only under certain
situations. On the other hand, similars ALMOST ALWAYS attract. You should always go for
the similarity angle during the first part of a relationship. You’ll can reveal to her
your "unique" qualities later.)

And don’t worry or feel cheated because you don’t get to talk about the
things you want to talk about. If you play your cards right during the first few
conversations or dates, you’ll have plenty of time later on to bore her with all your
"interesting" stories.

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to
"play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested
questions, and making "me too" statements. It’s a simple 1, 2, 3.

A couple can also anticipate each other’s needs to help keep the romantic feelings and intimacy alive. A married couple has an advantage because the longer you have been with someone the easier it will be for you to anticipate her needs. For example, a man who knows that his wife prefers to drink water will be able to ask for a glass of water on her behalf at a social gathering.

Here are some examples of situations where the man is anticipating the woman’s needs:

• They are sitting at home watching a movie, she is drinking coke, and he is drinking water. When her glass is almost empty, without being asked, he goes to the kitchen and refills her drink.
• She has a bit of a cold so he grabs a box of tissues for the car on their way out the door.
• She is sick, he offers to make her soup without being asked.
• They are eating at a fast food restaurant and she has salad. While she is putting the salad dressing on the salad she starts to run out so he goes to the cash and brings her back more salad dressing (without being asked).
• She is carrying something heavy and he holds the door for her.
• She was up late the night before, so he brings her breakfast in bed.

In all these situations the woman is needing something, or will be needing something, and her boyfriend/husband helps without being asked. Because he knows her so well he knows what she likes and what she needs and he gives it to her without being asked. It really is a wonderful feeling when you get the point of knowing someone so well that you can do this…try it!

Taking ALL OF THAT information from SO MANY WOMEN into consideration, I’ve pulled together some SHOCKING CONCLUSIONS regarding any “approach anxiety” you may be suffering from. Let’s just get right to the list:

1. Women Usually Have No Idea That Guys Deal With Approach Anxiety

This was a revelation that seriously fried my circuits. The first time I ever heard that most women are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that men are generally afraid to approach women was from Emily. I thought she had to be joking. But it’s no joke. Seriously, for most women the idea of any man being “afraid” of them flat out doesn’t compute. Generally, they react with shock that guys would be too scared to talk to them…as if they’re so “dangerous” in their dresses, high heels and French manicures.

So how do these same women tend to explain away the fact that like 97% of all men can barely manage a “hit and run” compliment, if they even talk to them AT ALL? Simple…they assume guys aren’t really interested in them. That’s right…they think most guys AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THEM.

2. Women Are Literally Stir-Crazy Because You Won’t Approach Them

Somewhere along the line we as guys developed what can only be described as an “us vs. them” mentality when it comes to women. All over the Seduction Community you read subtle communication that MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) are somehow the “enemy”, requiring that we “target” them with various tactical schemes, etc. Thinking of women as some sort of “non human” species who can’t be figured out may soften the blow of rejection a bit by giving us an easy excuse.

In other words, if you don’t see a woman as simply another human being to be social with, then it somehow doesn’t hurt as bad when that social interaction doesn’t end well. But as much as we pretend that women are some “alien” creatures (from Venus, perhaps?) who are hard-wired to make life difficult for men, here’s the disarmingly simple truth: Really, every woman is VERY HUMAN, just like you. If she wins the lottery, she’ll be happy. If her dog runs away, she’ll be sad. In fact, the only REAL differences are based on the fact that that SHE’S feminine, and YOU’RE masculine. And she WANTS TO MEET a guy like you EVERY BIT AS MUCH as you want to meet a woman like her. In fact, she’s at a total lost (like Kya) as to why you aren’t introducing yourself to you.

Oh, by the way, if you think women are ever going to start “making the first move” on your behalf, you’ve still got to learn about how women DEMAND a guy who can LEAD. Which brings us to the next point…

3. You Pretty Much Control The Tone Of The Interaction

That’s right, women not only respond POWERFULLY to leadership from a man, the highest quality women DEMAND IT. And sure, women look at how much ambition you have as an indicator of your long term leadership skills, but even in the moment a woman is ALWAYS looking to you to TAKE THE LEAD. I hope it comes as no surprise to you that as you lead in ANY SITUATION, women follow. So it follows logically that if you are all wadded up in nerves and tripping all over yourself when meeting a woman for the first time, SHE is going to start feeling insecure also.

If you’re nervous and awkward, she’s going to respond to you in kind. And raise you hand if you already know that making a woman feel INSECURE in your presence is basically the fast-track to getting NOWHERE with her. Here’s the crazy part, though. Sure, women might expect some “nervous energy” when meeting you, sort of in line with that anticipatory adrenaline rush that goes with meeting someone exciting and new. But remember, women generally are OBLIVIOUS to approach anxiety’s basic existence.

So what is she thinking when you’re completely freaked out? She’s likely to assume that’s your AUTHENTIC self. She’s likely to think that’s how you ALWAYS ARE in social settings. Meanwhile, if you are confident socially and EXPECT to be treated well by any woman you meet, it’s amazingly predictable how often women will be COMFORTABLE WITH YOU, and treat you in the manner you feel you deserve.

And that leads to this…

4. Most Women Are Only Rude To Guys Who Are Rude To Them First

I recently heard there are at least a few pickup artists out there teaching that if a woman DOESN’T respond to you with a look of total shock and/or disdain when you approach her, you’re probably doing something “wrong”. My first thought upon hearing this advice was that I haven’t experienced that scenario since about tenth grade. NOT EVEN ONCE. And yet, I’ve met PLENTY of women. And it has usually gone very well. Go figure.

Guys, once again women are HUMAN. And they respond to YOUR LEADERSHIP. If you’re rude to them, it is NOT going to end well for you…especially if it’s a high quality woman you are dealing with. If you approach women in an overbearing, obnoxious or flat-out arrogant manner, expect to be responded to in kind. It’s really as simple as that. Want to engage in some playful banter if she seems to have that kind of personality? That’s different. But don’t expect to insult a woman’s person OR her intelligence and create attraction. This is not rocket science.

5. There’s A VERY GOOD Reason Why Many Women Think Most Guys Are Jerks

Having read the previous four points, my educated guess is you can see this one coming. It’s basically the logical conclusion to the discussion. Why do so many women think so many guys are “I/Js” (“Idiot/Jerks”)? Because those are the ONLY GUYS who sack up and approach them.

Seriously, most of us are extra careful not to “bother women”. We may be utterly scared of rejection at our core, sure enough. But what keeps us from EVER EVEN TRYING to overcome that fear is that we want to be POLITE. We don’t want to alarm or startle women by being a “stranger” who approaches. We tell ourselves we’re being respectful to women by honoring their space and their privacy. So then, what happens? Some of the most well-meaning guys are literally “hidden” from a woman’s social experience.

Meanwhile? It’s often the guy without any regard for social constraint, “sensitivity training”, sexual harassment manuals, or even what others think of him AT ALL who ends up being the one guy in fifty who actually APPROACHES any particular woman.

It’s that brash disregard for social skill that causes such a guy to not give a rip about outcomes. He may even THRIVE on getting negative reactions from people (i.e. women). So guess what? Women tend to meet a LOT of guys like that. And it can’t help but cause women to feel as if that’s what MOST guys must truly be like. After all, it’s what most guys who THEY MEET are like! But even so, most great women suspect there’s MORE. Like Kya, they simply want the high-quality guys to MAKE THEMSELVES KNOWN.

Basically, women encounter VERY, VERY few guys who can pull off that magical balance of being BOLD enough to approach her, yet MAN enough to make her feel secure in his presence. Yet, that’s the ONE GUY they ALL DREAM ABOUT meeting. That’s the guy they so very much crave a MOVIE MOMENT with.

Will this information empower you to meet MORE women while feeling LESS anxious about it? It most definitely should. But as I often say to guys on coaching calls, I can pack your parachute and teach you how to “arch, look, reach and pull”. But it’s YOU-and ONLY YOU-who ultimately makes the decision to jump out of the plane.

So you can stand at the doorway and look nervously at the Wild Blue Yonder, or you can take the leap…and feel the rush that goes with it. The difference here, however, is that when it comes to interacting with women, there’s no parachute involved. You’re the only moving part that can “fail to deploy” in this case. Don’t do that to yourself.

What was the biggest complaint about the younger kid? If you had a standard relationship, the biggest strain was ALWAYS that your younger sibling hung around too much.

There you were, trying to play video games, and he was always butting in, usually being embarrassing for some unplaced reason. You wanted to go to the movies with your friends, and she wanted to come, and your mom made you take him.

It was so ANNOYING! You had this clinging human that you couldn’t get rid of, you couldn’t get a MOMENT for YOURSELF!

I mean, why didn’t he hang out with his OWN friends? Why couldn’t he GET HIS OWN LIFE, and just leave you alone?

Guess what. You are your younger brother.

Many guys make the CRUCIAL error of opening themselves up too soon to new women in their life, ESPECIALLY very attractive and sought-after ones.

You?ve been there. So have I.

Everything is going great, and one day it’s so great you can?t help yourself. You feel the NEED to SHARE these strong feelings with the woman. You are so HAPPY you can?t contain yourself.

And then it all goes wrong.

Maybe she just seems to cool and slowly lose interest. Maybe she gives you the dreaded friend treatment, or she might even just blow you off completely.

And it doesn’t make any sense. Everything was wonderful, and then suddenly it wasn’t, and you have NO IDEA WHY.

Guess what. You are your younger brother.

The SECOND you open yourself up like this to a lady, she’s thinking “Here we go again.” Even if you haven’t yet, she’s been through this before.

Of course she has. Attractive women have guys crawling all over them every day, and she has to know how to get rid of the rejects quickly. Usually she can tell the weak and self-conscious a mile away, but every once and awhile a guy sneaks past her defenses.

She enjoys her time with him, he seems cool and in control, and then he has to tell her how he FEELS.

Not a trait of the strong confident type. That by itself isn’t what does the relationship in, but it’s what often FOLLOWS that a girl will avoid like a Roseanne bikini collection.

The guy CHANGES overnight from the confident man she enjoyed her time with, into a needy wussy over-sensitive puddle of spongy goo. Probably at least ONE of these guys in her past turned into a STALKER after she lost attraction and gave him walking papers.

Not to say YOU will - God I hope not - and if you’ve got a patient lady she may wait to find out which guy shows up the next few times - the confident man she fell for, or a self-help sensitive whiner who isn’t happy without constant affirmation.

But you spill the beans too soon, and she’ll start thinking of ways out.

This isn’t to say you can never express how you feel; there’s a time in every relationship when it?s appropriate. It’s just that most guys skip ahead WAY too early. And it gives the girls the heebie-jeebies.

Just like it would you.

One time I was dating two women, trying to decide which one to have a deeper relationship with, if either. One of them, on our second or third date, crawled between my legs when we got home and begged me to MARRY her. I mean pleaded, cried, everything.

Guess how long it took me to drop her? Whatever you just said, it wasn?t that long.

She FREAKED ME OUT and I started thinking about all the ways she must be damaged to be that needy. It’s not attractive at all. I went from pitched-tent to frightened turtle in negative 8 seconds.

And you KNOW you’d do the same if someone you barely know said something like that to you.

Start telling a girl too early how much you like her, sometimes even just saying how much you like your TIME together, and the lady has the same reaction.

She goes from snowy-morning pert to steam-bath smooth in the same negative 8.

Not to mention, even if she reacts well to it, the thrill is gone. The mystery is dead, the chase has ended, you?ve got NO power in the relationship anymore and she knows it.

Like with your kid bro, she might evilly give you little missions just to see what kind of power she has over you, just to get the rush and the giggles out of it.

That is NO way to go through a relationship.

Now if, on the other hand, things are going well and she’s starting to want to hear some committal words and you HOLD BACK, the tension and mystery just increases.

I remember one girl I absolutely adored said something shocking to me after a tiff - she said she was very insecure around me because she didn?t even know if I liked her at all. And she LOVED that excitement.

Talk about an eye-opener.

I’m not advocating you play with the lady’s emotions - at least not much - but I AM saying that it’s a LOT better to wait too long than to speak too soon. You retain that sexy control, you have the power in the relationship, and she finds you more attractive that way anyway.

Certainly compared to all the Mr. Rogers clones she’s had to avoid all her life.

Plus, it says all the right things about YOU and your time, that you have a fruitful independent life outside her presence, that you like being with her (or else you wouldn’t be there) but also that you’re ok on your own.

No woman wants to be a mom. She wants to be a LOVER, not a babysitter.

And now, this next part might take some getting used to: it goes against most of what you’ve ever been taught.

DON’T COMPLIMENT HER.

Oh, the occasional comment is alright, as long as it’s sincere and not forced. It’s also alright to use as an ice-breaker when meeting ladies, before she knows who you are, the cocky humor has to be very delicately balanced or you come off like an a-hole.

But when a lady I’m seeing is fishing for a compliment, I usually deflect that away in a funny style.

Say you?re getting ready to go out and she asks “Do I look fat in this dress?” I will often answer with “I wasn’t going to say anything, but?” and get a laugh, a slap on the arm, a free pass on the most dreaded question in datingdom and a turned-on woman.

Take the other route and do the usual cave, saying something like “No, you look great” or “You look great in everything baby.” and it sounds like she FORCED you into that answer.

She can control you. She doesn’t want to be able to control you. She wants a MAN, dammit!

Again, far enough along you can get away with giving a random real compliment, even in response to a fishing question - if you’re independence is strong and what you say sounds - and IS – sincere.

Just don’t overdo it.

On a similar line of thinking, DO NOT go out of your way to buy expensive dinners and presents early in the relationship. If your first dinner is at Spago, she’s gonna feel like you’re reaching to impress her.

Or, worse, that you’re trying to buy her.

That’s not to say you can’t have a first date at Spago, but if you do, it needs to be CLEAR that you were going there anyway, and she’s welcome to come along if she likes.

If you go out of your way for her, she’ll know it, and she won’t like it.

Unless you have millions of dollars to play with. Then it MIGHT work, with certain women.

Otherwise, you’ll just come off as someone desperate for her attention that doesn’t have anything but gifts to offer. Doesn’t make you look like the most attractive puppy in the litter (ironically, puppies that take women to Spago invariably do very well).

So in short, DON’T BLOW YOUR LOAD TOO EARLY.

Of course, to get to the stage of WITHOLDING that inexorable urge to tell the woman everything you feel about her, you have to get the woman first. You can get lucky now and again, or you can slowly learn the mistakes that everyone has to make, you can skip all that by learning the skills from someone who’s ALREADY made the mistakes and now knows what to do to get past all the tests women throw at men.

Yes, Henry Kissinger finally has a dating guide.

Ha, I?m talking about me. You can learn literally HUNDREDS of secrets about the psyche that women take into dating, and how to make them work for you by reading my books The Seduction Science System, 3rd Edition, or any of a score of other books available on my website with enough tips to make Don Juan take notice. Until next time.

Regards,

Derek Vitalio

http://www.seductionscience.com

Secret #1: Romance is the key to sex

Romance is routine maintenance–yeah, like your car — to keep things running
smoothly. Remember all those romantic things you did to win her in the first
place? Keep doing them now and then. If you let her know often that you
care, she stays open and responsive to your sexual overtures.

Romance is all the little things you do to let her know you care.
Call her just to say hi. Buy her a gift “just because.” (Remember, it isn’t
the cost of the gift, it’s the thought.) And flowers, even the smallest
bouquet, always work. How about mailing a card or leaving a note where
she’ll find it? Or planning a special outing, or arranging for a baby-sitter
so you can take her to the movies? Anything that lets her know you’ve been
thinking about her melts her heart. For her, romance and sex go
hand-in-hand. If you want more sex, give her more romance.

Secret #2: For her, sex takes time

Okay, your romantic efforts have paid off and she’s in the mood for sex.
When asked what sex advice they’d give to men, women almost always say,
“Tell them to SLOW DOWN!”

Think of sex as a slow, sensuous dance. Be gentle, seductive. (Rent
the movie Don Juan deMarco and listen to how he talks about women and making
love.) Explore her entire body. You both may be surprised what you find.
Hold her like you never want to let her go. And give her lots of long, slow
kisses. (Women often complain that men don’t kiss enough.)

What you’re doing is warming her up. You wouldn’t take a Ferrari
that’s been sitting in your garage for a week, start it, and immediately run
it up to 100 mph, would you? Well, think of her as a Ferrari.

Oh, and don’t roll over and fall asleep immediately after sex. Women
really hate this; they need to be held and they love a little pillow talk
afterward, so stay awake for at least a few minutes. Then better yet, fall
asleep holding her.

Secret #3: Talking is the way she connects with you

Women talk for the sheer pleasure of talking. It’s how they connect to
people. If your partner has read my book she understands that a lot of
what she talks about – all those little details – is boring to you. So, she’s
going to be more selective about what she says to you. But if you give her
your full attention when she does talk to you, it becomes one of those
romantic gestures. Got it?

And you know how she’s always trying to get you to be “more
intimate”? If you listen to her more, she’ll think you are being more
intimate. All you have to do is look at her and pay attention; she’ll think
she’s died and gone to heaven. It’s that important to her, and that simple.

Secret #4: She needs to hear you say you care

For her to really feel your love, you need to tell her in words. Of course,
she wants to hear you say “I love you,” but anything you say to let her know
you care and appreciate her will earn you major points: “You’re wonderful,
do you know that?” “I’m so lucky to have you.” “Do you know how much I love
you?” Big points on that one. Whenever you say these things, look into her
eyes and mean it. Remember this, you cannot tell her you love her too often.
This definitely wins you points on the romance chart.

And, how often have you heard one of your buddies, who’s gotten a
divorce, say, “I never realized how much she did to make my life
comfortable.”

Secret #5: She needs to hear she’s attractive

In today’s culture, because of what they are taught as girls, and because of
what they read in magazines and see on TV and in films, women get insecure
about how they look and whether they’re sexually appealing. So, tell her
regularly – and let her know you mean it – that she’s beautiful and sexy.

Compliment her on a new dress, the color she’s wearing, or how her
hair looks. Tell her she has soft skin, how much she turns you on, how
pretty her breasts are. The more beautiful she feels, the sexier she’ll
feel. This should pay off big time in the bedroom.

Secret #6: Her feelings need to be honored

Her feelings are as important to her as your work (or maybe sports) is to
you. That’s why she likes to talk about them. She needs you to acknowledge
what’s going on for her when she’s being emotional. Don’t try to tell her
that what she’s feeling is “wrong” and don’t try to fix the problem unless
she asks you to. And never tell her “not to feel” her emotions. A sure-fire
winner: ask her, “What are you feeling?” Then sit down and listen.

She understands that you get kind of uncomfortable when she’s being
emotional, but if you just let her express herself and listen with your full
attention, she’ll think you’re the most sensitive man on the planet.

Secret #7: Making up is hard to do

When you fight with your partner, are you often surprised that it turned
into a bigger event than it should have? If she’s like most women, she tends
to get going with her emotions and lets everything spill out. She doesn’t
mean a lot of what she says. Do your best to pay attention, let her vent,
but don’t let the words get to you. The best way to stop her in her tracks
is to admit that you were being stubborn, insensitive, inconsiderate, and
hurtful. The more conciliatory you are, the more she’ll be stopped in her
tracks. If you make the first move to make up and offer no resistance, she
can’t keep fighting with you. Someone has to take charge so it doesn’t
escalate, and because she’s lost in her emotions, it’s going to have to be
you. Be willing to look at her complaint and see where you may have been
insensitive to her needs.

If you both vow to never go to bed mad, you’ll be making love
instead of war.

Secret #8: She likes to be pampered

Your woman naturally does for others. She appreciates the value of nurturing
but all too often doesn’t take the time to care for herself. You can score
big time if once in a while you run a bubble bath for her, take her on a
special trip or plan a romantic dinner, give her a gift certificate from her
favorite shop or a trip to a day spa. Talk about getting a woman “in the
mood.” Wahoo!

Sure, she appreciates that you change the oil in her car, but it
doesn’t really tell her you love her, even though that may be what you mean.
To pamper her just remember, personal luxuries.

Secret #9: She needs your respect

Throughout history, and in many cultures even today, women have been
second-class citizens, looked down on as less able in every category. Only
recently have we begun to consider women worthy of respect. To be the open,
loving woman you want, she needs you to honor her as a person and appreciate
her contributions as a capable person. Don’t treat her as a child. Don’t
judge or criticize her. Don’t ignore her or take her for granted. Don’t be
rude. Treat her like a lady at all times and she’ll treat you with the
respect that you expect and enjoy.

Secret #10: She needs to feel secure

Your lady has a deep biological need to feel secure, to have a man provide
for her and protect her. Financial security is obviously important, but even
more than that, she needs to know you’re there for her. That’s one of the
reasons she needs to hear you say “I love you.”

What really helps is to give her ongoing affection and the
reassurance of physical contact. If you do this every day, several times a
day, you’ll give her the security she needs. Hold her hand, put your arm
around her, hug her, touch her in gentle and reassuring ways. The more
secure she feels, the happier she’ll be. When she’s happy, she’s open to
you.

Secret #11: She needs your time and attention

Does she ever try to talk to you when you’re reading the newspaper? Or walk
in front of the TV in the middle of the play-offs? Does she complain that
she never sees you, never has time to talk with you, or that you don’t even
know she’s alive? If so, it’s a plea for your attention. She knows how
focused you can be when you’re working, but she feels left out. It’s part of
that security thing.

What to do? Set aside time now and then to focus on her. Let her know
she’s important enough to devote yourself to her completely and she’ll be
less likely to feel ignored. The rewards will far outweigh the effort.

Secret #12: She wants a man who makes her feel like a woman

She chose you because of your masculine qualities. Qualities that make her
feel more womanly. In your presence, she feels protected, provided for, and
loved. Be masculine, but do it with sensuality and sensitivity. Be hungry
for her, be passionate, be strong, but be tender, as if she were a delicate
flower. And, yes, open the car door for her, carry heavy things for her,
pull out her chair. The feminist movement did a lot of damage to romance but
if your woman has been reading this book, she’s not into feminism, she’s
into love and romance. That means you. Be chivalrous, be gallant, be
thoughtful, and win her heart…over and over again.

Make her feel beautiful, make her feel desirable, make her feel
special and important, and you’ll make her feel like a woman–as only a man
can do.

Yes, It’s That Simple!

So there it is in a nutshell. Twelve Simple Secrets that could very well
change your life forever. You can never know for sure what’s going on with a
woman, but you can certainly make everything a lot nicer–for both of
you–by following the advice you’ve just read.

Men complain that women nag, criticize, try to change them, are never
satisfied, are too emotional and unpredictable. If you follow these Secrets
and make them a habit, that irritating behavior should pretty much
disappear. If it comes back, consider it a barometer of how you’re doing.
Then get the Secrets out and read them again.

The way to be a great lover is to be a romantic lover. When you focus
on romance, she’ll respond to you like never before. And she’ll feel like
she’s the luckiest woman alive.

Do You Wish SHE Understood YOU Better?

Do you want to be her hero? Give her the book everyone is talking about. The best thing you can do for your relationship is buy Men Made Easy for her. And if you’re single and searching, this book is the perfect filter because if she doesn’t like it, it means she probably doesn’t like
men. You can quit while your ahead.

The book teaches women to understand you and accept you as you are,
to appreciate you, especially the masculine qualities that she most admires,
to be happy and beautiful in every way, and to enjoy sex because it’s your
primary source of intimate expression…and you know how women are always
asking for more intimacy.

Buy the E-Book (you can read it immediately)

That’s why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date. And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that
totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they’re
doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of success on your first date:

Mistake #1 – Buying Gifts

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn’t the best idea – especially if you’ve just met the
woman! She’s there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves “what does THAT mean?” And in this case it’s, “He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn’t even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

Mistake #2 – Being Mr. Serious

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously. Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious.”

Mistake #3 – Conducting and Interview

When men become “Mr. Serious” they often fall into “job interview conversation mode.” Make sure you reserve questions like, “So where do you work?” or “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” for the future, after you’ve already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff. Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you’ve known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

Mistake #4 – Being Too Needy & Direct

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, “so do you like me?” or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake. Ironically, it’s leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman’s attention and keeps her interested.

Mistake #5 – Going to Boring Places

If your date finds the night boring, you’re finished. When it comes to having fun on first dates, nothing is more important than what you do. And while dinners and movies are nice, it’s really hard to leave a great impression in these settings. Why? Because they set a very “proper tone” that’s hard to turn into fun and playful. And unless you’re a super funny, intelligent and interesting guy, dinner and movie dates just aren’t the best place to take your date. Instead, go to fun places like mini-golf parks, carnivals, parks, or even better, come up with your own unique and fun ideas.

So in essence, while there are many factors to having a successful date, a great date idea really helps you do many of them naturally! Remember, where you take a woman on a first date can be the difference between a great night and a dating disaster! Choose wisely!

In fact, what I’m about to share with you is something that EVERY MAN should know: WHEN to call off a date you’ve already set up with a woman, and exactly how to go about it.

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised that literally NOBODY ever has covered this subject in the world of men’s dating and seduction advice, at least as far as I’ve seen.

Then again, there’s so much focus on actually GETTING a date if you’re NOT seeing much action that I can see how that skill remains the priority.

But hey, if you’re about going from GOOD to GREAT with women, and if you’re about becoming the CHOOSER rather than the CHASER, then you’re going to have to get your “cancellation skills” in order here.

So enough of an intro. What follows are EIGHT GOOD REASONS to cancel a date with a woman, and what to do in each situation. Get your sense of humor on, because here we go:

1) She Already Sort Of Makes You Mad

I have no idea why we as guys do this to ourselves. Oh wait…yes I do. She’s hot.

But dude, if you already find your blood beginning to boil during simple phone conversations with her, it isn’t going to go any better in person.

The same holds true if she flat-out irritates you in some way. It could be her laugh, her political views or that way she friggin’ interrupts you constantly or tries to lecture you on what you already know how to do in your sleep.

Maybe it’s that generally speaking, she’s generally speaking.

No matter WHAT it is, here’s the deal: If you don’t get along, why go through with the date? Simply call out the gorilla in the room: You’re sure she’s a “great person” or something, but the two of you just seem to be missing each other.

Be the man here and save her the (further) discomfort of bringing it up herself.

2) You’re Already Bored

Another thing that can happen when we finally set up a first meeting with a particularly hot woman is that we COMPLETELY OVERLOOK the fact that she has the personality of a paper clip.

Let’s face it, if you’re dreading the date more than you’re excited about it-primarily because you’re 100% sure the conversation is going to be awkward, at best-it’s time to grow some self-respect and cancel the date.

The same M.O. as above holds true here. Tell her she’s very “nice”, but that you don’t think the two of you are a match. She’ll be much happier with a guy who’s conversation enraptures her a bit more than yours.

Yeah, this is a variation on the “it’s not you, it’s me” concept, but it’s also probably true. Just about every tedious person I know eventually finds someone with whom he or she gets along perfectly. How or why that’s possible, who knows?

Chalk it up to the uniqueness of individuals and what makes them happy.

And by all means, if the fact you’ve even PLANNED the date a few days ago has slipped your mind until you look at your schedule…do the right thing. Free the woman up to go out with someone who cares.

3) Signs Of Games, Potential Flakiness, Or Getting Played

If this one doesn’t get to the very heart of “self-respect”, I don’t know what does. It’s no secret that women “test” you. Especially particularly hot ones.

But as a “selector” who is in total control of his dating life, you’ve got to draw the line on where “testing” turns into blatant game playing or even flat-out manipulation.

For example, if she calls you at 3 in the afternoon on the day you are allegedly supposed to take her out that night and says, “Oh, hey…I can’t make it. How about some other time?” then she’d better have brought an excuse along.

And it had better be a REAL GOOD one, along the lines of #6 or #7 below.

If you want to be the leader in this situation, again call it as you see it. If the excuse is legit, DO GIVE HER A CHANCE.

I realize some may tell you to cut her off right then and there, but in my mind to do that smacks of personal insecurity. Think about it.

Sometimes stuff really does come up, and you have to respect that. Believe it or not, Emily actually canceled our first date together. And obviously things worked out pretty well when we rescheduled.

But if she’s just running lame “flake out” game on you, tell her it’s all good…you suddenly agree that BOTH OF YOU have better things to do.

If you find yourself uttering these words, here’s a caveat: This will likely fry her circuits and give her a fresh dose of amped up attraction for you. Forget it. The die has been cast with regard to what you can expect from her in the future.

Here’s a dime. Find a more mature woman to date instead of a little girl. You don’t have to tell her I said that…exactly.

4) You’ve Never Seen More Than One Pic Of Her, Or Have Never Talked On The Phone

This is for you guys out there who are online. One pic on her profile isn’t going to cut it. Ask for more.

If she’s offended you would ask, let that be a red flag. If she won’t talk to you on the phone before meeting you, let that be another. And as you know by now, red flags do not a pleasant dating experience make.

By the way, the same holds true if a “blind date” is in the works. You won’t be offending the friend who set the two of you up if you ask for the pics and the phone number ahead of time. Really.

If you don’t get any joy here, explain that you simply cannot commit your time and energy to meeting her if she is unwilling to commit the time and energy to assure you there’s a possibility of mutual interest. Period.

For most guys, exactly one disastrous result of having overlooked these details in favor of misplaced optimism is enough for the lesson at hand to be learned. I’m trying to save you from having to learn it the hard way.

5) The “Set Up”

It goes like this. You’ve taken the lead by suggesting a certain game plan for your time together. She appreciates that and seems excited to join you.

Then you get a call. No wait, make that an email or a text.

It invariably starts with “Hey…”

“Hey…is it okay if my sister tags along? She’s really feeling down and hasn’t been out in a while.”

If you say “yes” to this, you may as well have agreed to her bringing a posse of bodyguards, a couple of blue-haired chaperones and a rocket scientist along too.

Chances are you probably have not succeeded at creating COMFORT and SECURITY here ahead of time.

Step back and regroup. Have you suggested a public meeting place or taking separate cars if the two of you barely know each other?

If not, tell her you’d prefer being able to give her your undivided attention.

Then let her know you want her to feel comfortable with the meeting, so you’re changing the venue to a place where there will be plenty of other people around…if not her sister, per se.

Another variation to watch out for her is when SHE suggests a venue change at the last minute.

For example, you had arranged to meet at a Thai restaurant. Thirty minutes beforehand, she calls and suggests you meet at Morton’s Steak House instead.

I don’t think so. And neither should you. Once you set the precedent of falling for that, your relationship with her is about to get REALLY pricey…and REALLY platonic, too.

6) One Or The Other Of You Is Feeling Sick

Now we get to the “legit” portion of the discussion.

Certainly, there’s varying degrees of “sick”. If you have a headache, wolf down some ibuprofen and plan on it working. After all, having to call off a date you’re genuinely psyched about is a major bummer.

But look man, if you’re hurling up your insides and/or sneezing your sinuses into submission, you’re just going to have to face up to reality.

And that reality is this: If you’re physical state is going to cause MORE HARM to the attraction process and/or to the relationship itself than getting a rain check, then you’ve GOT to reschedule.

Make the decision and run with it. If you need to postpone the date, then call her and FIRMLY RESCHEDULE it then and there. Suggest a time to her and preferably make it at the same place.

If you get pushback from a skeptical woman, state VERY CLEARLY that this is no joke. You are genuinely looking forward to hanging out with her, but it’s going to have to be after you’ve kicked whatever is ailing you.

Now if SHE’S the one calling you to announce that she has fallen ill, simply apply the logic in reverse. If she’s seriously not feeling well, she’ll be profusely apologetic and offer a time to reschedule. That’s what you’ll be looking for in that conversation.

If she’s unwilling to reschedule, it’s probably a cop-out. Either that or she’s already on her way to the hospital and losing consciousness.

7) Genuine Priority Adjustment

We’ve all seen it happen. You have a great date planned with a woman you’ve had your eye on for WEEKS…but Murphy has other plans.

I remember one time in college I finally figured out how to strike up a conversation with a girl named Gwen, who I only saw maybe once or twice a week…max. She agreed to play racquetball with me the following night.

Completely stoked about that for the next eighteen hours, I went to my afternoon class…where the professor casually reminded us the MID-TERM EXAM was the next day.

I had to cancel the date. And unfortunately, the date never ended up happening.

But I aced my class. And I graduated from college and got a job afterward.

Hopefully, if something comes up that represents a higher priority than going on a date, you’ll be better at rescheduling with a firm time and place than I was.

And make no mistake, there are LOTS of possibilities when it’s time to list what’s probably more important than going on a date. Unexpected business trips, family emergencies, playoff tickets…

8) Gut Feeling, Backed By Genuine Evidence Of Any Sort

Sometimes you just KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.
Women in particular are REALLY GOOD at intuiting when they’d better not go through with a date.

Usually it’s because they just feel a bit creeped out. Maybe the guy seems as if he could get sexually pushy or possibly even violent.

But no matter what, most women aren’t shy about cutting off plans with a guy when they have a gut feeling they shouldn’t show up.

And as guys, our “spidey senses” can start tingling also under certain circumstances, can’t they?

Do you think her emotional stability (or lack thereof) could be a factor? If she has already come up with some erratic stuff on the phone, you could be right.

Think she’s just out to use you in some way? If you get the distinct feeling you’re being manipulated somehow, you’re probably right.

No matter what, if she’s causing you to think that maybe NOT going out with her would be the best idea, then cancel the date.

You don’t really need to explain what you’re thinking, because she’ll likely have a pretty good comeback ready.

Gut feelings, I’ve found, are usually trustworthy. Tell her you think it’s best that the date not happen, and that there’s another man out there who will appreciate her more. Leave it at that.

Usually when we make the decision to hang out with a woman, it’s because we genuinely want to. But it’s always a good idea to keep a clear perspective along the way…especially when you don’t know her very well. So definitely use the information I just shared wisely.

One other quick note. Clearly, I’ve geared this conversation mostly toward first dates. If you have been seeing a woman for a while, you should be LONG PAST any potentially awkward situations associated with date cancellation. Open, frank conversation should be the norm.