Of course I jest ? but there?s a hint of truth here. Remember, the engagement period is more than the time needed to plan a big party. It?s also the trial run for your marriage and future life together. And guess what – any unresolved issues during your engagement are clues to future marriage woes. The bottom line – discuss potential challenges and disagreements now, not after you?ve cut the wedding cake.

So while up until now you may have been the couple that never fights ? here?s your chance. Read this list of the top pre-wedding fights ? er ? discussions to have before you say ?I do.?

1. The ?Don’t Leave the Toilet Seat Up? Tussle

Now?s the time to address any petty grievances you both may have ignored until now. You?ve heard it a thousand times, and it holds true here ? communication is key. We know – blah, blah, blah – but it’s cliche for a reason. You need to clear the air now, because these little gripes – left unsaid ? can build up underlying tension over the years ? only to bubble over and explode into a completely unrelated future argument. Remember to keep this discussion productive and lighthearted. Nagging or initiating a screaming duel over his pants left on the floor (again) is not going to solve anything.

2. The ?You Want Me To Do What?? Melee

Unless a personal maid and assistant is on your bridal registry (a novel idea!) – someone?s gonna have to scour the shared bathroom in your new dwelling? You’ll soon find that they key to marital bliss is agreement on whose task is whose. While an itemized chore list is a tad ambitious, lay out expectations in advance and avoid future blowups. You should know each other well enough by this point to divvy tasks accordingly: common sense dictates that your fiance who bounced 3 checks last month should relinquish bill duty, and if your white sheets are now gray – best hand over laundry duty. And while you’re divvying out chores – discuss broader marriage roles. How do you see yourself as a wife? a mother? a professional? How does he see himself?

3. The ?When Should We Procreate?? Debate

Don?t even consider walking down that aisle without a game plan for children. Avoid this discussion, and you risk bringing innocent bystanders into a world of dysfunction – namely, yours. Before your wedding day, reach a consensus on: when those little feet will start to pitter patter, how many feet will be doing the pattering, and whether they?ll even patter at all.

4. The ?Festivus for the Rest of Us ? Controversy

If your Tree is his Festivus Pole ? it?s time to talk religion. Combining two faiths can be tricky. Discuss together your values, and identify what religious traditions are most meaningful for each of you to incorporate into your wedding ceremony and marriage. How will you combine holidays? Raise your children? And even if you share the same religious background ? what role will religion play in your life together?

5. The ?Not Tonight Dear, I Have a Headache? Tug of War

Sure ? things may be spicy now ? but your sex life is bound to evolve and change a number of times throughout your marriage. What are your sexual expectations? Are you able to speak openly about sex? Have a frank discussion now ? when your relationship is new and confidence is high. Otherwise, you risk establishing a pattern of avoidance and inability to discuss sexual wants and needs – a huge marital red flag.

6. The ?Does This Make Me Look Fat?? Confrontation

?Til death do you part… that allows an awful long time for your body to age. And even if you both succeed in fighting off middle age weight gain, inevitable wrinkles, gray hairs, or hairs in the wrong places will eventually makeover your once- youthful selves. How are you going to deal? What are your expectations for your own and your spouse’s physical upkeep?

7. The ?You charged WHAT to the Amex?? Brawl

Without a doubt ? financial woes are one of the main stressors in a marriage and a primary cause of divorce. For new couples, the topic of money can be uncomfortable ? and certainly unromantic. But how romantic will it be when you’re forced to pawn that rock on your left finger to pay off your groom?s insurmountable gambling debts? Bottom line ? get over yourself ? and practice full financial disclosure. What will be your combined income as a newly married couple? Do you have any current debt and how will you manage it together? Is there anything (real estate, travel, college fund) for which you?re willing to take on debt? How will you manage savings? Investments? How and when do you plan to retire?

8. The ?Not So All in the Family? Feud

Ah, in laws ? the quintessential love/hate relationship. Remember ? when you marry the man ? you also marry the family. So while it?s not essential to tell your hubby-to-be exactly how you feel about his needling mother, it is important to come to terms with family involvement and what level of closeness is acceptable. If your idea of the perfect Thanksgiving involves skiing in Switzerland and his involves a big sit down with his extended family in Toledo ? it?s best to express these expectations out now, and start crafting a compromise.

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

Tip #1 – Continue dating

Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That’s why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about dating that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.

Tip #2 – Delay is often better

It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn’t romantic. It’s gambling.

Tip #3 – Always express your love

Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they ‘assume’ their partner already knows what they’re thinking. When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they’re the greatest person in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they’re feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?

Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner

Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, “I just don’t understand him/her.” So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate’s profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don’t need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you’ll grow closer as a result.

Tip #5 – Answer the BIG questions

Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?

In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married. I guess people think they’ll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or “I love yous” will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each other ‘inside-out’ BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

Michael Webb is the author of 1000 Questions For Couples, the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit: 1000 Questions For Couples

• Instead of you getting the groceries while your partner watches the kids, why not hire a babysitter and go shopping together. If you can’t afford a babysitter pay attention to the next tip…
• If you know another couple with kids, take turns babysitting for each other for free. Try to do this once a month, they take your kids Friday night and you take theirs Saturday night.
• If your kids are old enough, designate a specific night each week for each child to wash the dishes. This could save you 45 minutes! Spend that time with your husband or wife.
• If you’re a busy couple that probably means you have lots of commitments, such as work, coaching soccer, taking the kids to extracurricular activities, volunteering, insert your commitments here. Well how about adding one to the list – the commitment to spend (at least) one night a week with your significant other. So just like Wednesday night might be book club night, pick a night of the week to be Date Night…and commit to it. :)
• If you work within a reasonable distance of your love, spend your lunch break together once a week (or more often).
• Do you spend a lot of time cleaning the house? If you enlist your partner to help you clean the bathroom, fold the laundry or wash the dishes with you, then you get the job done twice as fast and you can talk with your love while doing it. Cleaning may become time together with a purpose, not just a chore!
• Set the alarm 15 minutes early in the morning. You won’t notice 15 minutes less of sleep, and you can spend the time cuddling or talking.
• Shower with your partner in the morning. You save water and get to spend time together.
• Cooking supper every night can definitely take a bite out of your free time. Why not cook twice or three times as much food as you will eat that night and freeze the rest. Pop it in the oven and you have a meal with almost no preparation time. And that means more time with your partner.
• Drying dishes is unsantitary and a waste of time. After washing them, leave them to dry on their own overnight. Put them away in the morning, or after work. This could save you 20 minutes!

• Send your love an email during your break at work to tell them about your day.

This doesn’t mean that all relationship problems can be solved with a list as above, but I’d be willing to bet that at the route of a lot of marriage problems is lack of motivation caused by lack of appreciation. That is sad, but true. So many husbands and wives just don’t feel appreciated by their partners. They feel that everything they do is in vain, so who can blame them for feeling burnt out and emotionally exhausted.

Take a few minutes to think about this…do you think that your partner deserves some appreciation? What are some things they do that deserve some good ol’ praise and thanks?

Get out your pen and paper and start writing. Below are some ideas for things you can include that should never go unappreciated.

1. I love the way you smile at me when I come in the door.
2. I love when you wake me up with a kiss
3. I love when you hug me for no reason
4. I love that you always ask me how my day was when I get home
5. I love that you try so hard to get along with my family, even when they are being difficult
6. I love when you approach me for a quickie
7. I love making out with you in the middle of a movie
8. I love watching you with our children, you are such an amazing father/mother
9. I love watching you with other people, you are so kind and selfless
10. I love that you always put the cap on the toothpaste just for me
11. I love making love to you in the middle of the afternoon when the sun is shining
12. I love when you give me our “secret wink” in public
13. I love when you take my hand while walking beside me
14. I love the way your eyes light up when you see me
15. I love when you get playful
16. I love feeling your strong arms around me at night as we fall asleep
17. I love the contentment I feel just sitting with you while we eat breakfast
18. I love the way your silky hair feels on my skin
19. I love when you lay your head on my chest
20. I love when you tell me how pretty I am
21. I love when you tell me how safe you feel in my arms
22. I love when you kiss my forehead
23. I love when you introduce me as your beautiful wife
24. I love when you introduce me as your gorgeous husband
25. I love when you turn off the TV to spend time with me
26. I love the way you listen so intently when I tell you about my day
27. I love that you always notice when I get my hair cut
28. I love that you always compliment me when I wear a new outfit
29. I love that let me read the comics first on Saturday
30. I love when you make love to me even though you are really tired and would prefer to sleep
31. I love that you appreciate all the things I do
32. I love that you never leave me by myself at a party
33. I love that you love to cuddle
34. I love when you greet me at the door in lingerie
35. I love when you tease me
36. I love when you make my favorite meal for supper, I feel so special
37. I love that you always dry the dishes because you know I hate doing it
38. I love that you never make me feel like a failure
39. I love that you don’t tell me what to do or how to do it
40. I love when you let me take charge and plan things
41. I love when you take charge and plan things
42. I love when you fill the car with gas so I won’t have to
43. I love when you leave me lovenotes to find

44. I love that you read relationship books for us

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

1. Tip #1 – Continue dating
   Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That’s why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about dating that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.
2. Tip #2 – Delay is often better
   It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn’t romantic. It’s gambling.
3. Tip #3 – Always express your love
   Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they ‘assume’ their partner already knows what they’re thinking. When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they’re the greatest person in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they’re feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?
4. Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner
   Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, “I just don’t understand him/her.” So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate’s profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don’t need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you’ll grow closer as a result.
5. Tip #5 – Answer the BIG questions
   Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married. I guess people think they’ll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

   In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or “I love you’s” will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each other ‘inside-out’ BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

Michael Webb is the author of 1000 Questions For Couples the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit: 1000 Questions For Couples

Don’t get me wrong. I adore, admire, respect and appreciate the male species, especially my man…except (except in girl talk is a definite substitute for “this time you really messed up and I love you…but) when he does something that seems patently hurtful to me and yet, he’s totally clueless that my feelings have been hurt.

Women Don’t Want Explanations and Excuses

Since I am that kind of girl, I waited until after his important business meeting to tell him how my feelings were hurt. Again I waited, hoping to hear those three magic words. But, he did not pass go, he did not collect $200, he went directly into an explanation that seemed to go on for…maybe ten minutes. I’m sure it wasn’t, but it felt that long because the conversation was no longer about me. It became all about him. I didn’t need a ten minute oration about why he did it, I simply wanted to hear those three little words “I am sorry,” followed by “Shari, I’ll make it up to you.”

Guys: If you only know what saying “I’m sorry” means in girl talk!

Using the Martian Language Translator, “I am sorry and I’ll make it up to you” translates into “I cherish you. I don’t want to do anything that makes you unhappy.” It also says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t sensitive. I’ll make it up to you by being more sensitive in the future.”

Do you know how powerful the words I am sorry are? They can melt the walls around a woman’s heart. They can put back trust that was lost. They can free a man’s or woman’s mind from guilt. They can tear down a wall and instantly build a bridge. Three little words can do so much good and the absence of them can do so much harm.

When woman trusts a man, he can have just about anything he wants. However, once she feels hurt, distrust suddenly creeps into her sacred trust space, and she backs away, consciously or unconsciously. Either way, she is no longer totally vulnerable, open and receptive to him.

Hurt Leads to Resentment

Then the walls begin to form in the relationship. She feels she can’t trust him. He feels made wrong, and has a gnawing “almost hopeless” feeling that no matter what he does for her he is wrong or will be wrong. Soon the walls becomes the beginning of the end of the relationship. It’s funny how three little words like I am sorry can instantly demolish a wall before it has a chance to become real.

Walls are built through harboring feelings of resentment, guilt, anger, and hurt. But the foundation of the wall is our fears. Fear that you’re not loved, fear that you won’t be loved if you speak up for yourself, fear that because you made a mistake you won’t be loved by your partner anymore. And it is fear that makes us afraid to be vulnerable.

“I’m Sorry” is Just as Important as “I Love You”

Here’s a clue. I am sorry is just as important to say as I love you. And it’s important for both men and women to utter those three little words. For it is that willingness to be vulnerable with the person you care about that creates intimacy. Passion may be the magnet that draws you, but intimacy is the glue that holds the relationship together.

What to Do When You or Your Man Mess Up

As I learned this week from my guy, women tell your man how you feel, but don’t make him wrong. Guys, listen with both your ears and your heart and remember to say those three magic words. Then be sure to keep your word (because as you guys well know, women and elephants never forget). Let her know that you cherish her, that it’s not your intent to hurt her feelings. Remember that a woman feels safe when a man’s words and actions match.

So if you’re a man of many words, make them all count. For you men of few words, you already know that actions speak louder than words…but remember, ooh, those three little words are so nice to hear. And yes, all is well with me and my man. Have a great week.

1. When your love gets home at the end of the day go to the door and great them with a smile and hug. Tell them how glad you are to see them.
2. Tell your mate you’ve missed him or her when they’ve been away. Juice it up with a comment about something specific that wasn’t the same without them.
3. If you have kids, compliment an aspect of their parenting style that you admire.
4. Are there certain chores your love always takes care of (ex. laundry, taking out the trash, shovelling the driveway, making your lunch)? A sincere “thank you” might be overdue if you’ve become so accustomed to this that you nolonger thank them.
5. If your mate does something sweet or romantic tell them how good it made you feel.
6. Always take notice of even the smallest things they do for you and thank them.
7. Give your love a pamper break. Have a bubble bath waiting for them when they get home. Have their favorite magazine or book by the bathtub, play their favorite music, light candles, and offer to massage their shoulders (or scratch their back) while they tell you about their day. Make sure they know this is your way of thanking them for always _______ (mowing the lawn, cleaning out the rain gutters, picking the kids up at daycare).

8. If your mate cooked supper, thank them and tell them how good it was.