Over the years, I’ve seen couples make the same mistakes over and over again, when trying to improve their love lives, and I’d like to teach you how to overcome and avoid these problems.

Here are the 7 lovemaking mistakes. Are you making them?

MISTAKE #1: Feeling scared or embarrassed to talk about trying new things

Have you ever had an idea to spice up your lovemaking but were afraid of what your partner may think?

Believe it or not, in 90% of cases, your partner would LOVE to try something new, too, but they’re just as uncomfortable or embarrassed about bringing it up as you are.

And you don’t need to introduce whips, chains or a third person. That’s nonsense! There are hundreds of ways to bring variety to your passionate play that aren’t crude or dangerous and that your partner is sure to be comfortable with.

MISTAKE #2: Trying to convince the partner to make love

If your lover is tired or not in the mood for sex, trying to convince or persuade them to have sex almost NEVER works.

On the other hand, when a person is sexually aroused, their body releases the chemical ‘adrenaline’ into the bloodstream. This chemical is what gives you the energy to make love. So here’s how to arouse them the right way. Yes, even if they’re tired.

Ladies: Want to get him in the mood? Give him fellatio or manually stroke him between 9 and­ 10 in the morning. This is when his testosterone levels are highest for the day. For better results, also wear something sexy or nothing at all. He’ll like that.

Lads: Deep passionate kisses are one of the biggest ‘turn-ons’ for women. Looking in her eyes and touching her face while kissing her can really increase arousal, too. And give some attention to her neck, ­it will drive her wild. But don’t rush this! Spend quality time building up her arousal with your sensual kisses.

MISTAKE #3: Neglecting foreplay to enjoy intercourse sooner

People in a relationship (especially men) tend to neglect foreplay so they can begin to enjoy intercourse sooner, but did you know that foreplay is actually said to intensify orgasms?

That’s right. If you kiss, caress and touch longer, you can make your lovemaking even more satisfying.

So SLOW DOWN. Take your time. If you want to make it even better, tease your partner in a playful way. (This works like crazy.)

If you find something that they really enjoy, stop doing it, move back, and then do it again later. The more you pull back and push forward, the more they’ll want it. And the more intense their experience will be. There are many games you can play to heighten this anticipation, too.

MISTAKE #4: Using toys or porn to make your lovemaking better

When sex hits a rough patch, many couples (men especially) think that a video, some plastic or vibrating thingy will instantly takes things through the roof.

Wrong! While toys can certainly have their place in your lovemaking repertoire, relying on them can be extremely dangerous. These outside sources of pleasure can quickly make lovemaking even less fulfilling.

Why? Because you don’t want your partner to end up looking forward to their plastic toy for pleasure more than they look forward to pleasure with you, do you? Couples need to first fully discover how to please all their spouses’ body parts before introducing other elements. Use them as a spice, not the main course.

MISTAKE #5: Trying to make the woman orgasm ONLY from intercourse

Men often feel “unmanly” if they can’t satisfy their woman from intercourse. But what they need to understand is that a large number of women can’t achieve orgasm through normal lovemaking.

Just knowing this takes the pressure off men completely. Now there’s no need to get upset when their women don’t reach orgasm. Instead, men should master the art of cunnilingus (going down on a woman).

MISTAKE #6: Trying to finish at the same time

Simultaneous orgasms are quite overrated. Instead of aiming for one orgasm that you share together, focus completely on the woman’s needs first.

Hold off from the positions you find most enjoyable and instead make love in ways that are most pleasurable for your lady, until she is completely satisfied. That way you have a much greater chance of both climaxing.

MISTAKE #7: Sticking to a set routine too often

You know the drill. You take your clothes off, insert part A into part B, and, within a few minutes, the routine is over. Sound familiar?

No matter how fantastic lovemaking can be, there’s no denying it can get boring over the years. And the reason is because lovemaking in its basic act is always the same. But the danger is letting it get too routine, which can begin to affect your relationship.

The BEST WAY to protect your love life and precious connection with your partner is to have lots of new lovemaking ideas ready at your disposal.

That’s the secret.

In fact, when you have an abundance of NEW tips and techniques ready, you’ll enjoy more hot, steamy and passionate lovemaking, discover newfound enthusiasm to make love and even make love more often.

You want to know these things! So we at GetRomantic.com surveyed over 2000 women and asked them: “How do you love to be kissed?”. Below is a sampling of the responses received, word-for-word!

• “One word: EARS! I cannot get enough kisses on my ears! I also love to have my hair played with.” (Brad, 26)
• “I love it when my partner holds the back of my head while we kiss, and runs her fingers through my hair as we kiss.” (Shawn, 23)
• “I love when my partner licks my lips and then slowly blows cold air on them. That is really a turn on.” (Corey, 18)
• “I love when she runs her hands all over my head while I kiss her neck.” Trent (23)
• “Fingers through the hair is great, as is stroking of my neck. Gentle biting of my lip, and occasional kissing of my closed eyelids.” (Andrew, 41)
• “I love when my partner caresses my face and sucks my lower lip really softly.” (Yusif, 19)
• “I like when she runs her fingers through my hair and especially when she kisses my neck.” (James, 16)
• “I love it when my partner starts off with just a little unexpected peck on the mouth then it turns more passionate. I also love when she grabs me and moves me very close to her.” (Peter, 23)
• “I love when my partner nips my bottom lip during a kissing session. I also love to start french kissing by slowly exploring the tips of each others tongues.” (Curtis, 32)
• “I love when my partner kisses me behind the ear, then moves to my lips in a kissing trail.” (Randy, 17)
• “I love when my partner kisses my ear and works her way down my face, kissing every spot of skin along the way.” (Gavin, 19)

For the typical woman, however, the story is much different. It takes about 24 hours of romantic foreplay for a woman to become aroused. By foreplay, I’m not talking about hugging, kissing, and caressing-although all of that is perfectly fine, especially during the final few minutes of the 24-hour period. No, I’m talking about Random Acts of Sexiness, which are all of the things that a man can do to make his woman feel loved, accepted, important and, most important, sexy.

The problem is, plenty of unsexy things can take place during any typical 24-hour period, which is why sex often goes the way of the flat tummy in so many long-term relationships. How do you get your guy to perform more Random Acts of Sexiness and fewer Random Acts of Sex Sabotage? Here’s one word of free marriage advice: communication. Tell him what you want, and what you don’t. To make it easier for you, I’ve compiled numerous Random Acts of Sexiness and Random Acts of Sex Sabotage below. Hand over this article and let him read it. You’ll be well on your way to a sexier sex life.

Acts of Sexiness

• Texting “I love you” just because.
• Doing the dishes for no other reason than the fact that he noticed them sitting in the sink.
• He eats whatever you’ve made for dinner and declares it a 5 star gourmet creation that the world’s pickiest eaters would all adore.
• One of your kids wakes in the middle of the night from a nightmare. He says, “You stay in bed. You need your rest. I’ll take care of this.”
• He rubs your feet, without expecting a foot rub (or any other kind of rub) in return.
• He borrows your car, notices you only have a quarter tank left of gas, and fills it for you.
• He sees a pile of letters sitting on the kitchen table. He takes them to the post office, without being asked.
• He whistles when he sees you getting dressed or undressed.
• He asks you to turn around, so he can get a better look at all that your beautiful body has to offer.
• He hears you cursing at your computer. He walks over, rubs your back, and asks if there’s anything he can do to help.
• He notices you brooding. He asks if you’d like to talk. He pours you a glass of wine, turns off the TV, and listens attentively.
• He brings you your coffee or tea in the morning.
• He has a random day off. He spends half of it cleaning the house and the other half fixing everything that’s broken.
• You get dressed up for a special occasion. He tells you he’s never seen you looking more beautiful.

Acts of Sex Sabotage

• You are cooking dinner. He says, “Don’t you think the burner is on too high? I think you’re going to burn it again.”
• He leaves his empty beer bottle by the recliner.
• Your favorite show is on, but he refuses to watch anything other than the fishing channel, even though it’s a rerun.
• He makes any type of sarcastic or hurtful comment about how you look or about something you say, wear, make for dinner, or do.
• He’s in the mood, so he starts to rub your thigh with his hand.
• He’s in the mood, so he crawls on top of you in bed and tries to pull down your panties while you sleep.
• He stinks.
• He passes a violent amount of gas, and then he asks whether you’d like to have sex.
• You tell him that you have a really big problem at work and need someone to talk to. He says, “Sure in a second. It’s almost half time.”
• He leaves the toilet seat up, so you fall in and get your butt wet in the middle of the night.
• You order dessert. He says, “I thought you were trying to lose weight.”
• He’s late, and he doesn’t bother to call. You mention it later, and he says, “Do you have to be such a ball and chain?!”
• He makes a comment about another woman’s boobs, butt, or other random body part.
• You get dressed up for a special occasion. He says, “That dress makes you look fat. Do you have something else to wear?”

You don’t have to be a Spanish dance instructor to make women melt, although it helps. Just take some cues from the guy. Before you can be a sensual lover, you have to be a sensual person, and that’s achieved in paying attention to the details. Stop and smell the roses, if you will.

Let’s say you are going to have a private dinner prepared for you by world-renowned chef Mario Batali. As you’re being served course after course of some of the finest cuisine in the world, are you going to just shovel it into your mouth in order to fill your stomach? Or are you going to savor each bite, taking in the artistry of the flavors? Option one may make you full, but you have not enjoyed the meal to its full potential.

This is all too often how men approach life, which is why they approach sex in the same manner. They know that getting off is nice, so that becomes the goal of the act. Much in the same way wolfing down Batali’s meal won’t allow you to appreciate the complex flavors, madly pumping your way through sex doesn’t allow you the full experience.

The easiest way to correct this behavior is to slooooow doooown. This doesn’t mean that you should continue the same humping method, just slower. It means, slow everything down. Close your eyes, and take a deep breath through your nose. Notice what you smell. Maybe it’s nothing, or maybe something is cooking in the background, and you can pick out the faint smell of garlic. Now do this with your partner. Close your eyes, cutting off one sense heightens the other. Breathe her scent in. Note what you smell, and how it is unique to her. Run your finger tips along her skin. Feel how soft it is in comparison to yours. Now look her over. Really look her over. See how her body is different from any other woman’s body. Maybe she has a scar on her knee that you never noticed before. Using all your senses helps you to really appreciate your partner. The more you appreciate her, the more you can please her, and the better the sex is for both parties.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the founder of “The Virtuoso Lover“, covering how to make men exceptional lovers. Unfortunately most men have no idea how to make ‘out-of-this-world’ love, which leaves women frustrated and disappointed.

Learn to be one of the rare men that can satisfy women both physically and emotionally by visiting: The Virtuoso Lover.

Luckily, you’ve got me. Well you don’t actually have me, my fiancee does. But you’ve got my help. So, what do you say to drive a man wild without sounding cheesy, or like a sailor on shore leave? And how?

1. Whisper. You know why they call ‘em “sweet nothings”? Because you don’t have to say much of anything for this to work. Even if you’re asking him to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home from work, the feel of your breath on his ear and neck will make his hairs (and a lot else) stand on end. By and large, though this one works a lot better if you’re not assigning chores to him – even though I know a sneaky gal or two who uses this technique for just that purpose.
2. Tell him what he does to you. For example: “You make me feel sexy.” or “when you’re around, I just can’t control myself”. Or, “when I start thinking about you, I can’t concentrate on anything else”. Or, something like “you give me goosebumps when you touch me”. This is also a great opportunity to be coy and a little bashful.
3. Be direct and make contact. Say what you mean, what you want, or what you feel, and touch him when you say it. Now, I’m not saying to grab his crotch and say “give it to me”. That’s a little scary. And is that REALLY your personality? Do it gently. Sensually. Teasingly. What I mean is touching his lips with your fingertips, and saying to meet you in the bedroom. Stuff like that. The grandest total display of this? Sit him down and do a striptease for him. To totally tease him, tell him he can’t touch you until you’re
   finished.

That covers the “How”. Now, for the “What”. Here are five of the best things you can say
to turn a guy on. I would say 10, but the other 5 are NC-17 rated.

1. “I want you”. The classic: short, sweet, succinct. The trick in pulling this one off without sounding cheesy is the look in your eye, and your body language. Look him in the eye. Hold his hand. Say it like you mean it. A cool variation of this one is the tease. He can be sitting watching TV, or reading, or walking around the mall with you. Look him in the eye, say it, and then walk away. Within seconds, he’ll be chasing you around.
2. “You drive me crazy.” Now this one is all about tone. If you’re kissing his neck and getting undressed when you say it, it’s one thing. If you’re saying it while throwing dishes at his head and walking out the door, it means something else entirely.
3. “Meet me in the bedroom.” Or, “I’ll be in the bedroom.” This is best said in lingerie or naked, and while on your way to the bedroom. If your guy doesn’t respond to this one, get yourself a new guy.
4. “Would you like to take a shower with me?” Who doesn’t love showering
   together? C’mon.

5. “You have to do everything I say.” This one’s very open ended, and for a
   reason. It makes guys excited and a little nervous. They don’t know what’s coming next. But don’t use it to make him mow the lawn or pick your Mom up at the airport. It’s better suited for a little game or roleplay. As mentioned above, a favorite is the “I’m gonna tease you but you can’t touch me” game. You wanna whip a guy up into a frenzy, you show him the goods and tell him he can’t have ‘em.

So yes, you don’t have to be dirty and gross and ask “Who’s your momma” to get a guy turned on. By the way, any mention of his mother probably wouldn’t be a good thing. You don’t need whips, chains, dirty magazines or movies, another person (a different column entirely) or anything but YOU to get your guy hot and bothered.

In case you forgot, that’s how you got him in the first place.

>>More Dirty Talk Secrets!

1. Expecting him to think like a woman

   We’ve all seen loads of books with titles like “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” which highlight an unfortunate difference between the sexes. Men and women don’t think the same way – and while we’re not going to get into why this happens, it’s important to remember that fact when you’re in a relationship. In general, men are not as romantic as women, they don’t see romance as a necessary prelude to sex, and they can divorce sex from their feelings in a way that perhaps most women can’t. So there will be plenty of times when a man wants sex even if he isn’t feeling romantic and connected to his partner.

   For him, the physical pleasure of sex is a reward in itself. He doesn’t need to be seduced into feeling desire (though he may appreciate it if you do seduce him!), at least most of the time, for his sex drive is a pretty constant part of his maleness. I think that’s what women don’t understand.

   They know how elusive and emotional their own sex drive is, but they don’t appreciate how different it is for a man. Think of it this way: men can enjoy sex with their partner whether they are feeling loving or not; in fact they often find their feelings of love for their partner when they have sex with her. By contrast, women often say they need to feel loving before they want sex – or at least before they are prepared to give themselves heart and soul to a man.

2. Not showing your sexual energy

   Women who were brought up to be demure “good girls” (i.e. non-sexual) may find it difficult to express the essence of their feminine energy during sex. And a lot of women also have problems expressing their anger, an emotion which can add real spice to the sexual union between men and women. This lack of sexual energy might appear as a reluctance to initiate sex, a reluctance to be the active partner, a reluctance to make noises or thrust, or simply an overall tendency to wait for the man to lead and direct what happens during sex.

   But believe me, ladies, your man will really like it when you express your passion – whether that means you getting on top for woman on top sex, moving in a way that will give you the greatest pleasure, kissing him passionately, or being assertive about what you want in bed.

3. Being too gentle when you touch his penis

   Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to their penises. If you ever have the pleasure of watching him masturbate, you’ll see how much pressure he uses on his penis – especially as he nears orgasm. If you’re doing it for him, ask him to tell you what you’re doing right and what he’d like done differently. He’ll really appreciate your efforts to give him more pleasure.

4. Not experimenting with sex

   The saying has it that men think about sex ten times an hour – or is it a hundred? Yes, of course that’s an exaggeration, but it isn’t much of one. While some women have a high sexual desire, it’s true to say that women in general are much less sexy than men when they’re not in the bedroom. Men fantasize all the time – about the things they see, what they’d like to do, how they’d like to do it, and so on. With such an active sexual imagination, it’s not hard to understand why a bit of variation in the bedroom routine can keep a man sexually happy.

   It doesn’t have to be way out stuff like bondage, either. For example, try changing sex positions once in a while: take the initiative and get on top of him or let him enjoy rear entry for a change. Talk dirty to him if you’ve never tried that before; explore and play with new parts of his body, such as his anus and perineum, during foreplay – or even during the main event. Seduce him into a “quickie” by leaving a trail of clothes across the floor into the bedroom. Greet him at the door in sexy clothing. Phone him at work and tell him what you’d like to do to him later that day…..well, you get the idea – use your imagination!

5. Expecting him to read your mind

   Yes, we know it’s difficult to express your sexual desires directly. But men don’t think like women. They don’t read clues, they don’t get hints. So stop communicating indirectly, and tell him what you want. And give him feedback when you get it! That way, he’ll know exactly what he’s supposed to be doing, how you feel about it, and whether to do it again. For example, if you like what he’s doing during sex, let him know with your moans of pleasure.

6. Criticizing him

   I think one of the reasons women can be so critical of their man is that they’ve never learned the art of direct communication. Than means stating clearly and directly what you want, how you want it, and whether you got it – and how you feel about it afterwards. Men appreciate that style of talk – they know where they stand and it removes the uncertainty for them.

   Criticism is an indirect way of saying that your needs are not being met – but if you read number 5 above, then maybe you’ve begun to understand that your man won’t know what you want unless you tell him. If you’re judging his love for you on the basis of his ability to anticipate and meet your needs without you saying what they are, well, I’m afraid you aren’t likely to be very satisfied. And it won’t be his fault.

7. Letting him take responsibility for your orgasm

   A lot of us think that a man somehow has a responsibility to “give” a woman an orgasm during sex. After all, that’s how a lot of us were brought up – that a man somehow has to look after “his” woman. And that idea extends to making sure she has an orgasm during sex…..but the truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasms. So while it might be nice for your man to help you get there, if you don’t make it to orgasm through his efforts, you can always take matters into your own hands.

8. Controlling him by withdrawing sex

   One of the most unhealthy things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and don’t want. (That might even extend to simply saying you don’t feel emotionally close enough to your partner to want sex.)

9. Thinking he’ll feel the same way about your body that you do

   It just isn’t so. Men don’t attach the judgments to women’s bodies that women do. So, for example, even if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it won’t matter to him the way it matters to you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly won’t be put off making love, or want the lights off, because of it. While you waste time and emotional energy wondering if you’re completely undesirable because of some aspect of your body, he’ll never give it a second thought. It’s women who judge their bodies, I think for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.

10. Not making up with sex after an argument

    Well, yes, I know that a lot of couples do make up with sex when they’ve had an argument, but in fact many more don’t. As I said above, most women think that they need to be feeling loving and emotionally close before they want sex. Yet I’ve met a lot of couples in my work as a sexual therapist who have found that taking the risk and jumping into bed can work really well as a way of getting close again.

    Even if you don’t feel sexy or loving when you start making love, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way of settling an argument (that’s talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct method of getting your feelings back on track – just go to bed together!

I once heard an elderly man describe the success of his 75 year blissful marriage to his wife. He attributed it to the fact that he told his wife daily that he loved her and kissed her at least twice each day. I aim to follow his example and by having the kissing spot of the week, it helps me to make certain I am not forgetting to give my wife the daily kisses she deserves so much.

Some of the kissing spots have been: behind her left ear, between her eyes, the soft spot in the middle of her cheek and on the nape of her neck. It’s fun trying to decide where the next “spot” will be and my wife looks forward to the new kiss at the beginning of the week. I do not forego kissing her on the lips, but I do make a conscious effort to kiss her often on the “kissing spot.” If your sweetheart hasn’t been getting the kisses he or she deserves or you are looking for a way to be a more creative kisser, perhaps you too can implement the Kiss of the Week into your romantic lifestyle.