Don’t get me wrong. I adore, admire, respect and appreciate the male species, especially my man…except (except in girl talk is a definite substitute for “this time you really messed up and I love you…but) when he does something that seems patently hurtful to me and yet, he’s totally clueless that my feelings have been hurt.

Women Don’t Want Explanations and Excuses

Since I am that kind of girl, I waited until after his important business meeting to tell him how my feelings were hurt. Again I waited, hoping to hear those three magic words. But, he did not pass go, he did not collect $200, he went directly into an explanation that seemed to go on for…maybe ten minutes. I’m sure it wasn’t, but it felt that long because the conversation was no longer about me. It became all about him. I didn’t need a ten minute oration about why he did it, I simply wanted to hear those three little words “I am sorry,” followed by “Shari, I’ll make it up to you.”

Guys: If you only know what saying “I’m sorry” means in girl talk!

Using the Martian Language Translator, “I am sorry and I’ll make it up to you” translates into “I cherish you. I don’t want to do anything that makes you unhappy.” It also says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t sensitive. I’ll make it up to you by being more sensitive in the future.”

Do you know how powerful the words I am sorry are? They can melt the walls around a woman’s heart. They can put back trust that was lost. They can free a man’s or woman’s mind from guilt. They can tear down a wall and instantly build a bridge. Three little words can do so much good and the absence of them can do so much harm.

When woman trusts a man, he can have just about anything he wants. However, once she feels hurt, distrust suddenly creeps into her sacred trust space, and she backs away, consciously or unconsciously. Either way, she is no longer totally vulnerable, open and receptive to him.

Hurt Leads to Resentment

Then the walls begin to form in the relationship. She feels she can’t trust him. He feels made wrong, and has a gnawing “almost hopeless” feeling that no matter what he does for her he is wrong or will be wrong. Soon the walls becomes the beginning of the end of the relationship. It’s funny how three little words like I am sorry can instantly demolish a wall before it has a chance to become real.

Walls are built through harboring feelings of resentment, guilt, anger, and hurt. But the foundation of the wall is our fears. Fear that you’re not loved, fear that you won’t be loved if you speak up for yourself, fear that because you made a mistake you won’t be loved by your partner anymore. And it is fear that makes us afraid to be vulnerable.

“I’m Sorry” is Just as Important as “I Love You”

Here’s a clue. I am sorry is just as important to say as I love you. And it’s important for both men and women to utter those three little words. For it is that willingness to be vulnerable with the person you care about that creates intimacy. Passion may be the magnet that draws you, but intimacy is the glue that holds the relationship together.

What to Do When You or Your Man Mess Up

As I learned this week from my guy, women tell your man how you feel, but don’t make him wrong. Guys, listen with both your ears and your heart and remember to say those three magic words. Then be sure to keep your word (because as you guys well know, women and elephants never forget). Let her know that you cherish her, that it’s not your intent to hurt her feelings. Remember that a woman feels safe when a man’s words and actions match.

So if you’re a man of many words, make them all count. For you men of few words, you already know that actions speak louder than words…but remember, ooh, those three little words are so nice to hear. And yes, all is well with me and my man. Have a great week.

Soulmate

Remember, he’s looking for companionship not competition. He wants someone he can have fun with. A woman who will, like his dog, accept him unconditionally.

• Women have lots of best friends. Most men don’t. A man wants his partner to be his best friend. Like all best friends, you listen to his stories, laugh at his jokes, and compliment his good qualities instead of criticizing his faults.
• Let him know he can depend on you, that you’re there when he needs you.
• Men love to talk about themselves. So ask questions that will give him the opportunity to talk about his favorite subject-him.
• Want to connect with a man? Don’t try to impress him. Let him impress you. Ask him questions that will give him the opportunity to impress you. Shut up and listen! You’ll be amazed at how much being a good listener works.

Sexmate

Sex first takes place in a guy’s mind. So capture his mind and his imagination.

• Men have vivid imaginations. And since most men are visual, you want to capture that imagination visually. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is self-assured, but vulnerable and feminine. Men are more attracted to a woman’s attitude than her looks. Of course, who are we kidding, being gorgeous never hurt.
• The reason men love confident women is because they bring out their hunter instinct. Men love to chase, confident women love to be pursued. So let yourself be pursued and captured. Just remember to let yourself be caught S-L-O-W-L-Y.
• Men love a challenge so be challenging in the following wonderful womanly ways: Girl, be the goddess that you are. And here’s how:
  • Be playful
    
  • Be seductive
    
  • Be sexy
    
  • Be foxy
    
  • Be captivating
    
  • Be delightful
    
  • Always be feminine

There’s no mystery to flirting.

Flirting is just your own way of letting someone know you would like to know them better.

There is a secret to flirting.

The secret is to feel so good about yourself that you glow. And when you glow, you just ooze sex appeal. That glow “fills up the room” and sends out a vibe that makes you irresistible. People can’t help but be attracted to you. You become a man magnet, a femme fatale, an arm charm, or a ladies’ man, Don Juan, Casanova, or one of the sexiest men on the planet.

Flirting is a mental thing.

Flirting begins in the mind. It has almost nothing to do with how you look and almost everything to do with how you make someone feel. And how you make someone feel is based on how you feel about yourself.

The keys to flirting…with Success!

Smile and bat your eyelashes sure…but there’s so much more!

If the secret to flirting is feeling good about yourself, here’s what you have to do to feel good. Identify what’s great about you. Then walk around being what’s great about you.

• Be the best you you can be. Believe me, no one does you better than you do. You’ll never be great at being someone else, so stop trying. But you can be great at being the best you.
• Feel good about yourself and let it show. Glow!
• Your glow will attract all kinds of people, but who cares? The idea is to attract the kinds of people you’re interested in attracting. Think about and then decide what type of person you want to attract to you. Here’s where intention and attention come into play. Place your intention on magnetizing those type of individuals. Then start paying attention to everyone around you. Watch what happens.
• Practice, practice, practice! Flirt with everyone until it feels comfortable and second nature.

Women send out flirting” signals to let a man know it’s okay to approach. A man’s radar scanner is always up, checking out a woman to see if she’s sending him one of those “flirting” signals. A man will only approach when he thinks he’ll be in friendly territory.

Remember, guys and gals flirt differently. So you need to know the correct signs.

When a woman smiles at a man and he smiles back — that’s casual flirting.

When a woman smiles at a man and he either starts strutting around like a peacock or gets flustered — that’s a flirting connection.

Signs that a Woman is Flirting:

• Sparkling eyes and a radiant smile
• Looks right into your eyes for several seconds then looks away
• Tosses her hair back or plays with her hair
• Plays with her keys or plays with her glass
• Runs her fingers up and down the stem of a wine or martini glass
• Her body language screams open
• Crosses and uncrosses her legs
• Compliments you
• Becomes more feminine — her energy, her body, and her voice become softer

Signs that a Man is Flirting:

• Smiles and stands up taller and straighter
• Starts being macho — strong, loud, and aggressive
• Starts mumbling or becomes shy
• Starts telling jokes — he wants to make you laugh so you’ll think he’s funny
• Tries to keep the conversation going until he closes — either getting a number or a date
• Tries to impress you

Have fun flirting. Nothing is a bigger turn on that someone who is authentically having a good time.

Sometimes flirting disasters happen, but always expect to be successful at flirting. As Babe Ruth once said, “It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.”

She wants a man she can trust. Trust allows her to be vulnerable and receptive to him.

Women don’t want Mr. Macho, they want Super Hero. Super Heroes are good guys who are a little sensitive, can be vulnerable, and are not afraid to show their feelings.

Super Heroes know they have feelings and they know it’s okay to have them. They are confident that they have “the right stuff”, which makes them very attractive to women. Every guy could be a Super Hero since every girl wants to make her man her hero.

Most women want a relationship with a good guy, not just a Saturday night date or meal ticket. So what’s a good guy?

Someone who is:

• self-confident enough to treat a woman like a woman
• honest and listens. He doesn’t interrupt her when she’s speaking
• attentive and respectful. He pays attention to her
• opens doors, pulls out chairs, helps her with her coat, picks up the checks
• treats women well. He genuinely likes women and it shows in everything he does

Despite what women say, deep down they don’t like wimpy men. Let me define wimpy for you: excessively sensitive, faint of heart, overly emotional. Women want men to be men – someone who they fell safe with, who will protect them, who know that when it’s says “women and children first” there won’t even be a question of who goes first.

Most men are primarily visual, so they just need to see that they are valued by women. Women on the other hand, because they can be visual, auditory or kinesthetic, don’t always see that a man treasures them. Often, women need to hear the words to know they are being cherished or receive kinesthetic cues such as a man doing something for them or giving them a token of his affection.