Now sure, you know that deep down I’d love to join in the chorus of “macho” pickup and seduction experts that suggest you “just say no” to Valentine’s Day and just tell the chick(s) you’re seeing that you don’t “celebrate” it.

Man, would I love to join that chorus.

After all, like I’ve shared in the past (as in, say, maybe a little under a year ago?) this is yet another holiday that appears to have been relegated to little more than a marketing bonanza for the diamond industry. And this no sooner than you swallowed hard and paid the credit card bill from Christmas.

But this time, I’ve done some thinking. And I’m all but sure that The Leading Man would rather take back Valentine’s Day in a brazen coup than surrender it to commercialism and…God forbid…”Mr. Nice Guy”.

That’s right, instead of whining about how Valentine’s Day forces us guys to “put a woman on a pedestal” or something, I exhort you to MAKE YOUR OWN RULES this year.

Embrace Valentine’s Day…but make like Frank and do it YOUR WAY.

I say this because you, as a “Big Four” man, need to TAKE CHARGE and build the habit of creating romantic moments that melt women on a regular basis.

I say this because I’ve gotten a jolt of lightning recently that screamed out, “Wait a minute, stupid, every woman in North America is PRIMED-or make that HARD WIRED–to have her femininity ignited on February 14th.”

And I say this because, well, you really have no choice, buddy. Valentine’s Day falls on a SATURDAY this year. Oh snap.

Face it, a couple of years ago, when V-day was kind enough to fall on a Thursday, I laid out a step-by-step plan on how you could literally date six or seven women at once and make all of them thrilled with you over a four day period.

This year, you can tear up that game plan. Saturday night is THE night. And there won’t be any excuses.

This means several things.

First of all, if you have your sights set on one woman, it’s a no brainer. You make plans with her for the night of the 14th. And you go with the flow, enjoying the heck out of a nice romantic evening together with your favorite woman.

And if this describes you, you’ve been given a MASSIVE GIFT. You see, every single fancy restaurant and swanky dance club in your town is going to be BOOKED SOLID by a bunch of “Mr. Nice Guys” lining up to spend $$$ on that woman they are trying to impress.

If Valentine’s Day is on a Monday it’s crowded enough out there. But a Saturday? Are you kidding me?

This trumps even Valentine’s Day on a Friday. After all, were that the case you might be able to get away with planning something for Saturday with her instead. But it’s not like you can substitute Friday the 13th for Valentine’s Day and expect to get away with it. Bummer.

So you may be thinking you have to gut it out and fight the crowds for the sake of “tradition” or something. Forgettaboutit. Like I said, this is the year you’re going to TAKE CHARGE and MAKE YOUR OWN RULES. Instead of “celebrating” Valentine’s Day, start “celebrating” the woman in your life.

The year I met Emily, I did this to a certain degree by planning a BACKWARDS evening. That’s right. I took her dancing at 7pm, hours before the crowds arrived…and caught dinner at 10.30 or so, long after everyone else was finished eating. All she remembers nowadays are the memories themselves, not at what time they happened.

But really, I think you can be even more creative than that.

If you live somewhere reasonably warm this time of year (like Australia, for instance) why not take it outdoors? Have you ever planned a moonlight picnic? If not, do it. You’re only five days off from a full moon this year. Get away from other people and ignite that femininity in private.

And I don’t want any e-mails asking, “But Scot, how do I ignite femininity? What does that MEAN?” Moonlight + Picnic + Feminine Woman + Masculine Guy = Ignition. That’s all it takes.

And even if you live in the northern peninsula of Michigan (or even you, that one guy on my list who is somewhere in the friggin’ Yukon Territory), you can find a place indoors where it’s just YOU and HER and a bottle of red wine. Even if that’s at YOUR place, Cook For Your Date fans.

This year, YOU’RE going to make the rules. You’re going to take back Valentine’s Day and replace commercialism with the REAL meaning: ROMANCE. Just you, her…the moment…and the memory. Take charge, make a creative plan that bypasses the masses…and enjoy the ride.

But what if you’re dating more than one woman these days? Simple. Get out of town. Go on a weekend snowboarding trip to Sun Valley, ID. Send every woman a card and tell them you’ll spend some “quality time” with them when you get back. And yes…considering Valentine’s Day is on Saturday this year, I’m dead serious.

Finally, some of you are undoubtedly asking, “Well, what about me? I don’t even have a date for Valentine’s Day.” Well guess what? Your concern is NOTHING compared to the myriad of women out there who are SCARED STIFFLESS that Valentine’s Day is going to leave them dateless in its wake.

Women romanticize the living tofu out of February 14th. And this is GREAT NEWS for you. Why? Because this means you have a few days to get your act together and make a difference.

And without a doubt, the best place to get that job done is ONLINE.

Seriously, gentlemen. Every single woman with an online dating profile is EXTRA MOTIVATED about now to make some serious time with a great guy online. This guy needs to be YOU. But here it is…it’s like the lottery. You’ve got to PLAY to WIN.

Have you been considering online dating? If you have, then why not give it a try now…at what may be the perfect time of the year to see great success.

“It’s about freakin’ time”, someone said. And I have no arguments for you there.

Better late than never though. So let’s fix the situation.

The “Big Four”, in principle, are the most basic, fundamental factors that decide whether a woman is attracted to you or not.

Get them right, and women WILL respond powerfully to you. Ignore them (or worse?be ignorant OF them) and you could spend the rest of your life wondering what the problem is.

So obviously, this is one of the more important newsletters I’ve written to you.

Before I break down the “Big Four” for you, I want to offer a sincere caveat: There is NO WAY this newsletter is going to cover every single nuance of what these concepts entail.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.

After all, quite literally everything I talk about or write about hinges on the “Big Four”.

So with out any further intro, here they are:

Masculinity

Last time we talked about how to “man up” in exactly the way women want us to. That’s the first component of the “Big Four”.

Men and women are designed to attract each other. This is so fundamentally simple a concept, yet one that is so easily clouded in today’s world.

Men are softening their demeanors, taking the edge off the strength that inherently makes them men. Instead, they are giving in to temptation to become more feminine in the name of “sensitivity”.

You, as a man who desires feminine, attractive women must absolutely, positively resist feminization of your personality and of your lifestyle.

If you read that as “being insensitive” or in any other misogynistic way, you’ve been hornswaggled, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed and any other synonym for “deceived” that you’ve ever heard in an old cartoon before.

Seriously.

Being masculine is NOT synonymous with acting like some under-evolved “caveman” who rapes, pillages and is otherwise responsible for every form of pain on Earth.

Be the guy who leads, plans, protects and decides like a man. Put aside “softness” and “weakness” while retaining heartfelt benevolence towards all.

And watch as women become drawn to you like a magnet to steel.

Confidence

If you know what you want, and fail to take action because of fear or indecision, then you are-by definition-lacking confidence.

A woman wants a man who leads, and contrary to what you may have heard elsewhere she wants a man who takes charge of his own destiny and SELECTS her.

That’s right, YOU SHOULD BE THE CHOOSER. Offloading that responsibility onto women, or dismissing it entirely as mythical is a COP OUT.

As a man who is comfortable in the fact that he deserves what he wants, your inner-game must be together enough for you to ACT UPON that.

In concept, confidence is nothing more complicated than a firmly held belief in your ability to succeed at a high level while dismissing the possibility of failure (preferably entirely).

So at the baseline, confidence is absolutely necessary in order for you to even meet the women you want, let alone demonstrate your ability to provide a balanced environment for the relationship to grow in.

This segues nicely into the next factor?

Inspiring Confidence

Once you’ve achieved a level of confidence that enables a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself (which carries an important cause/effect relationship) then you are ready to affect something in your relationships with MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) that is intensely powerful.

It’s like this: Women want SAFETY.

Unfortunately, the man women most need to be protected from is the ONE THEY’RE WITH.

If you drive like a maniac when she’s riding shotgun, openly flirt with other women in her presence, waffle over decisions, have absolutely zero ambition and have no clue what to do with her when you pick her up (let alone when it’s TIME TO KISS HER), guess what? She’ll have no sense of stability around you.

Not knowing what to expect next is fun for women when it comes to special surprises, unannounced plans and other such lightweight moments that contribute to “being unpredictable”.

And granted, if you are boring and unexciting that’s NO FUN for women. In fact, it could be argued effectively that “Being Fun and Interesting” could have made this list a “Big Five”.

But what we’re covering here is something deeper. YOU are like a bastion of strength, no matter what happens or when it happens.

This builds the all-important measure of trust in her heart and mind.

When you have successfully caused a woman to believe in you the way you believe in yourself-no matter what the situation-then you have succeeded at INSPIRING CONFIDENCE. She can rest in your presence. Without that, she’ll resent you–if not become flatly repulsed.

Character

This is one of the most misunderstood terms in the English language.

Don’t kid yourself. “Character” is not to be confused with “being a character”.

Simply putting away routines and openers does NOT equal “character-based” seduction like some “natural game” proponents would have you believe.

“Character” is rock-solid stability at your very core. It’s doing what’s right simply because it’s the right thing to do, not because of “what’s in it for you”.

A man of character promises only what he is capable of delivering, and often delivers more than he promises out of sheer overachievement.

He does what he says he is going to do, and avoids deception.

He is all about building others up rather than tearing them down in a weak attempt to make himself appear “better”. The man of character realizes that’s neither ethical nor effective, even.

Mostly, the man of character has his identity figured out and his conscience is okay with that. And when that’s all set, you’ll NEVER, EVER have to ask “What do I do next?” “Character” is “seductive” by definition.

Do you get the sense that each separate component of the “Big Four” is in fact the component of a larger, cohesive concept? If so, then YES?you are 100% correct. It’s very much as if they each contribute to and are in fact are amplified by one another.

And that “larger concept” is, in case you haven’t figured it out, HOW TO BE A GREAT MAN.

And GREAT MEN attract and deserve GREAT WOMEN.

What it all comes down to is this: A GREAT WOMAN wants a man who has his part covered so that she can be FREED UP to be the feminine woman she was born to be. You make her feel like a woman, and you are that man.

Miss out on that, and it’s back to sitting around figuring out how two neuter creatures are supposed to attract each other?which of course is a pointless exercise. Unless, of course, you’re okay with a neuter woman. Or one who “wears the pants”.

But I’m telling you, show me a woman who “wears the pants” and I’ll show you a BITTER woman, not a BETTER woman.

So why make her do both jobs? Why make her fulfill upon the masculine and the feminine?

Or are you really okay with having the feminine part covered yourself?

If so, good luck with that.

But my vision for you is much, much more noble than that. All you have to do is visualize it for yourself.

That’s fine for now, because my goal in writing to you today is not to cover minute details but rather to give you a “big picture” view that provides a valid framework to work with as you discover more and more how to deserve what you want.
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Taking ALL OF THAT information from SO MANY WOMEN into consideration, I’ve pulled together some SHOCKING CONCLUSIONS regarding any “approach anxiety” you may be suffering from. Let’s just get right to the list:

1. Women Usually Have No Idea That Guys Deal With Approach Anxiety

This was a revelation that seriously fried my circuits. The first time I ever heard that most women are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that men are generally afraid to approach women was from Emily. I thought she had to be joking. But it’s no joke. Seriously, for most women the idea of any man being “afraid” of them flat out doesn’t compute. Generally, they react with shock that guys would be too scared to talk to them…as if they’re so “dangerous” in their dresses, high heels and French manicures.

So how do these same women tend to explain away the fact that like 97% of all men can barely manage a “hit and run” compliment, if they even talk to them AT ALL? Simple…they assume guys aren’t really interested in them. That’s right…they think most guys AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THEM.

2. Women Are Literally Stir-Crazy Because You Won’t Approach Them

Somewhere along the line we as guys developed what can only be described as an “us vs. them” mentality when it comes to women. All over the Seduction Community you read subtle communication that MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) are somehow the “enemy”, requiring that we “target” them with various tactical schemes, etc. Thinking of women as some sort of “non human” species who can’t be figured out may soften the blow of rejection a bit by giving us an easy excuse.

In other words, if you don’t see a woman as simply another human being to be social with, then it somehow doesn’t hurt as bad when that social interaction doesn’t end well. But as much as we pretend that women are some “alien” creatures (from Venus, perhaps?) who are hard-wired to make life difficult for men, here’s the disarmingly simple truth: Really, every woman is VERY HUMAN, just like you. If she wins the lottery, she’ll be happy. If her dog runs away, she’ll be sad. In fact, the only REAL differences are based on the fact that that SHE’S feminine, and YOU’RE masculine. And she WANTS TO MEET a guy like you EVERY BIT AS MUCH as you want to meet a woman like her. In fact, she’s at a total lost (like Kya) as to why you aren’t introducing yourself to you.

Oh, by the way, if you think women are ever going to start “making the first move” on your behalf, you’ve still got to learn about how women DEMAND a guy who can LEAD. Which brings us to the next point…

3. You Pretty Much Control The Tone Of The Interaction

That’s right, women not only respond POWERFULLY to leadership from a man, the highest quality women DEMAND IT. And sure, women look at how much ambition you have as an indicator of your long term leadership skills, but even in the moment a woman is ALWAYS looking to you to TAKE THE LEAD. I hope it comes as no surprise to you that as you lead in ANY SITUATION, women follow. So it follows logically that if you are all wadded up in nerves and tripping all over yourself when meeting a woman for the first time, SHE is going to start feeling insecure also.

If you’re nervous and awkward, she’s going to respond to you in kind. And raise you hand if you already know that making a woman feel INSECURE in your presence is basically the fast-track to getting NOWHERE with her. Here’s the crazy part, though. Sure, women might expect some “nervous energy” when meeting you, sort of in line with that anticipatory adrenaline rush that goes with meeting someone exciting and new. But remember, women generally are OBLIVIOUS to approach anxiety’s basic existence.

So what is she thinking when you’re completely freaked out? She’s likely to assume that’s your AUTHENTIC self. She’s likely to think that’s how you ALWAYS ARE in social settings. Meanwhile, if you are confident socially and EXPECT to be treated well by any woman you meet, it’s amazingly predictable how often women will be COMFORTABLE WITH YOU, and treat you in the manner you feel you deserve.

And that leads to this…

4. Most Women Are Only Rude To Guys Who Are Rude To Them First

I recently heard there are at least a few pickup artists out there teaching that if a woman DOESN’T respond to you with a look of total shock and/or disdain when you approach her, you’re probably doing something “wrong”. My first thought upon hearing this advice was that I haven’t experienced that scenario since about tenth grade. NOT EVEN ONCE. And yet, I’ve met PLENTY of women. And it has usually gone very well. Go figure.

Guys, once again women are HUMAN. And they respond to YOUR LEADERSHIP. If you’re rude to them, it is NOT going to end well for you…especially if it’s a high quality woman you are dealing with. If you approach women in an overbearing, obnoxious or flat-out arrogant manner, expect to be responded to in kind. It’s really as simple as that. Want to engage in some playful banter if she seems to have that kind of personality? That’s different. But don’t expect to insult a woman’s person OR her intelligence and create attraction. This is not rocket science.

5. There’s A VERY GOOD Reason Why Many Women Think Most Guys Are Jerks

Having read the previous four points, my educated guess is you can see this one coming. It’s basically the logical conclusion to the discussion. Why do so many women think so many guys are “I/Js” (“Idiot/Jerks”)? Because those are the ONLY GUYS who sack up and approach them.

Seriously, most of us are extra careful not to “bother women”. We may be utterly scared of rejection at our core, sure enough. But what keeps us from EVER EVEN TRYING to overcome that fear is that we want to be POLITE. We don’t want to alarm or startle women by being a “stranger” who approaches. We tell ourselves we’re being respectful to women by honoring their space and their privacy. So then, what happens? Some of the most well-meaning guys are literally “hidden” from a woman’s social experience.

Meanwhile? It’s often the guy without any regard for social constraint, “sensitivity training”, sexual harassment manuals, or even what others think of him AT ALL who ends up being the one guy in fifty who actually APPROACHES any particular woman.

It’s that brash disregard for social skill that causes such a guy to not give a rip about outcomes. He may even THRIVE on getting negative reactions from people (i.e. women). So guess what? Women tend to meet a LOT of guys like that. And it can’t help but cause women to feel as if that’s what MOST guys must truly be like. After all, it’s what most guys who THEY MEET are like! But even so, most great women suspect there’s MORE. Like Kya, they simply want the high-quality guys to MAKE THEMSELVES KNOWN.

Basically, women encounter VERY, VERY few guys who can pull off that magical balance of being BOLD enough to approach her, yet MAN enough to make her feel secure in his presence. Yet, that’s the ONE GUY they ALL DREAM ABOUT meeting. That’s the guy they so very much crave a MOVIE MOMENT with.

Will this information empower you to meet MORE women while feeling LESS anxious about it? It most definitely should. But as I often say to guys on coaching calls, I can pack your parachute and teach you how to “arch, look, reach and pull”. But it’s YOU-and ONLY YOU-who ultimately makes the decision to jump out of the plane.

So you can stand at the doorway and look nervously at the Wild Blue Yonder, or you can take the leap…and feel the rush that goes with it. The difference here, however, is that when it comes to interacting with women, there’s no parachute involved. You’re the only moving part that can “fail to deploy” in this case. Don’t do that to yourself.

In fact, what I’m about to share with you is something that EVERY MAN should know: WHEN to call off a date you’ve already set up with a woman, and exactly how to go about it.

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised that literally NOBODY ever has covered this subject in the world of men’s dating and seduction advice, at least as far as I’ve seen.

Then again, there’s so much focus on actually GETTING a date if you’re NOT seeing much action that I can see how that skill remains the priority.

But hey, if you’re about going from GOOD to GREAT with women, and if you’re about becoming the CHOOSER rather than the CHASER, then you’re going to have to get your “cancellation skills” in order here.

So enough of an intro. What follows are EIGHT GOOD REASONS to cancel a date with a woman, and what to do in each situation. Get your sense of humor on, because here we go:

1) She Already Sort Of Makes You Mad

I have no idea why we as guys do this to ourselves. Oh wait…yes I do. She’s hot.

But dude, if you already find your blood beginning to boil during simple phone conversations with her, it isn’t going to go any better in person.

The same holds true if she flat-out irritates you in some way. It could be her laugh, her political views or that way she friggin’ interrupts you constantly or tries to lecture you on what you already know how to do in your sleep.

Maybe it’s that generally speaking, she’s generally speaking.

No matter WHAT it is, here’s the deal: If you don’t get along, why go through with the date? Simply call out the gorilla in the room: You’re sure she’s a “great person” or something, but the two of you just seem to be missing each other.

Be the man here and save her the (further) discomfort of bringing it up herself.

2) You’re Already Bored

Another thing that can happen when we finally set up a first meeting with a particularly hot woman is that we COMPLETELY OVERLOOK the fact that she has the personality of a paper clip.

Let’s face it, if you’re dreading the date more than you’re excited about it-primarily because you’re 100% sure the conversation is going to be awkward, at best-it’s time to grow some self-respect and cancel the date.

The same M.O. as above holds true here. Tell her she’s very “nice”, but that you don’t think the two of you are a match. She’ll be much happier with a guy who’s conversation enraptures her a bit more than yours.

Yeah, this is a variation on the “it’s not you, it’s me” concept, but it’s also probably true. Just about every tedious person I know eventually finds someone with whom he or she gets along perfectly. How or why that’s possible, who knows?

Chalk it up to the uniqueness of individuals and what makes them happy.

And by all means, if the fact you’ve even PLANNED the date a few days ago has slipped your mind until you look at your schedule…do the right thing. Free the woman up to go out with someone who cares.

3) Signs Of Games, Potential Flakiness, Or Getting Played

If this one doesn’t get to the very heart of “self-respect”, I don’t know what does. It’s no secret that women “test” you. Especially particularly hot ones.

But as a “selector” who is in total control of his dating life, you’ve got to draw the line on where “testing” turns into blatant game playing or even flat-out manipulation.

For example, if she calls you at 3 in the afternoon on the day you are allegedly supposed to take her out that night and says, “Oh, hey…I can’t make it. How about some other time?” then she’d better have brought an excuse along.

And it had better be a REAL GOOD one, along the lines of #6 or #7 below.

If you want to be the leader in this situation, again call it as you see it. If the excuse is legit, DO GIVE HER A CHANCE.

I realize some may tell you to cut her off right then and there, but in my mind to do that smacks of personal insecurity. Think about it.

Sometimes stuff really does come up, and you have to respect that. Believe it or not, Emily actually canceled our first date together. And obviously things worked out pretty well when we rescheduled.

But if she’s just running lame “flake out” game on you, tell her it’s all good…you suddenly agree that BOTH OF YOU have better things to do.

If you find yourself uttering these words, here’s a caveat: This will likely fry her circuits and give her a fresh dose of amped up attraction for you. Forget it. The die has been cast with regard to what you can expect from her in the future.

Here’s a dime. Find a more mature woman to date instead of a little girl. You don’t have to tell her I said that…exactly.

4) You’ve Never Seen More Than One Pic Of Her, Or Have Never Talked On The Phone

This is for you guys out there who are online. One pic on her profile isn’t going to cut it. Ask for more.

If she’s offended you would ask, let that be a red flag. If she won’t talk to you on the phone before meeting you, let that be another. And as you know by now, red flags do not a pleasant dating experience make.

By the way, the same holds true if a “blind date” is in the works. You won’t be offending the friend who set the two of you up if you ask for the pics and the phone number ahead of time. Really.

If you don’t get any joy here, explain that you simply cannot commit your time and energy to meeting her if she is unwilling to commit the time and energy to assure you there’s a possibility of mutual interest. Period.

For most guys, exactly one disastrous result of having overlooked these details in favor of misplaced optimism is enough for the lesson at hand to be learned. I’m trying to save you from having to learn it the hard way.

5) The “Set Up”

It goes like this. You’ve taken the lead by suggesting a certain game plan for your time together. She appreciates that and seems excited to join you.

Then you get a call. No wait, make that an email or a text.

It invariably starts with “Hey…”

“Hey…is it okay if my sister tags along? She’s really feeling down and hasn’t been out in a while.”

If you say “yes” to this, you may as well have agreed to her bringing a posse of bodyguards, a couple of blue-haired chaperones and a rocket scientist along too.

Chances are you probably have not succeeded at creating COMFORT and SECURITY here ahead of time.

Step back and regroup. Have you suggested a public meeting place or taking separate cars if the two of you barely know each other?

If not, tell her you’d prefer being able to give her your undivided attention.

Then let her know you want her to feel comfortable with the meeting, so you’re changing the venue to a place where there will be plenty of other people around…if not her sister, per se.

Another variation to watch out for her is when SHE suggests a venue change at the last minute.

For example, you had arranged to meet at a Thai restaurant. Thirty minutes beforehand, she calls and suggests you meet at Morton’s Steak House instead.

I don’t think so. And neither should you. Once you set the precedent of falling for that, your relationship with her is about to get REALLY pricey…and REALLY platonic, too.

6) One Or The Other Of You Is Feeling Sick

Now we get to the “legit” portion of the discussion.

Certainly, there’s varying degrees of “sick”. If you have a headache, wolf down some ibuprofen and plan on it working. After all, having to call off a date you’re genuinely psyched about is a major bummer.

But look man, if you’re hurling up your insides and/or sneezing your sinuses into submission, you’re just going to have to face up to reality.

And that reality is this: If you’re physical state is going to cause MORE HARM to the attraction process and/or to the relationship itself than getting a rain check, then you’ve GOT to reschedule.

Make the decision and run with it. If you need to postpone the date, then call her and FIRMLY RESCHEDULE it then and there. Suggest a time to her and preferably make it at the same place.

If you get pushback from a skeptical woman, state VERY CLEARLY that this is no joke. You are genuinely looking forward to hanging out with her, but it’s going to have to be after you’ve kicked whatever is ailing you.

Now if SHE’S the one calling you to announce that she has fallen ill, simply apply the logic in reverse. If she’s seriously not feeling well, she’ll be profusely apologetic and offer a time to reschedule. That’s what you’ll be looking for in that conversation.

If she’s unwilling to reschedule, it’s probably a cop-out. Either that or she’s already on her way to the hospital and losing consciousness.

7) Genuine Priority Adjustment

We’ve all seen it happen. You have a great date planned with a woman you’ve had your eye on for WEEKS…but Murphy has other plans.

I remember one time in college I finally figured out how to strike up a conversation with a girl named Gwen, who I only saw maybe once or twice a week…max. She agreed to play racquetball with me the following night.

Completely stoked about that for the next eighteen hours, I went to my afternoon class…where the professor casually reminded us the MID-TERM EXAM was the next day.

I had to cancel the date. And unfortunately, the date never ended up happening.

But I aced my class. And I graduated from college and got a job afterward.

Hopefully, if something comes up that represents a higher priority than going on a date, you’ll be better at rescheduling with a firm time and place than I was.

And make no mistake, there are LOTS of possibilities when it’s time to list what’s probably more important than going on a date. Unexpected business trips, family emergencies, playoff tickets…

8) Gut Feeling, Backed By Genuine Evidence Of Any Sort

Sometimes you just KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.
Women in particular are REALLY GOOD at intuiting when they’d better not go through with a date.

Usually it’s because they just feel a bit creeped out. Maybe the guy seems as if he could get sexually pushy or possibly even violent.

But no matter what, most women aren’t shy about cutting off plans with a guy when they have a gut feeling they shouldn’t show up.

And as guys, our “spidey senses” can start tingling also under certain circumstances, can’t they?

Do you think her emotional stability (or lack thereof) could be a factor? If she has already come up with some erratic stuff on the phone, you could be right.

Think she’s just out to use you in some way? If you get the distinct feeling you’re being manipulated somehow, you’re probably right.

No matter what, if she’s causing you to think that maybe NOT going out with her would be the best idea, then cancel the date.

You don’t really need to explain what you’re thinking, because she’ll likely have a pretty good comeback ready.

Gut feelings, I’ve found, are usually trustworthy. Tell her you think it’s best that the date not happen, and that there’s another man out there who will appreciate her more. Leave it at that.

Usually when we make the decision to hang out with a woman, it’s because we genuinely want to. But it’s always a good idea to keep a clear perspective along the way…especially when you don’t know her very well. So definitely use the information I just shared wisely.

One other quick note. Clearly, I’ve geared this conversation mostly toward first dates. If you have been seeing a woman for a while, you should be LONG PAST any potentially awkward situations associated with date cancellation. Open, frank conversation should be the norm.

But having given it some thought, I wanted to come clean with you about something.

It’s not like every single date was a blissful stream of perfection.

Sure, I met lots of great women and had a blast for several years…culminating in meeting Emily on Match.com.

But along the way, especially at the beginning, I certainly encountered my share of sometimes hilarious and sometimes downright nightmarish situations.

Here are the four most memorable ones

1) Not What The Doctor Prescribed

Very shortly after my divorce in 1992, I received a “spam” message in my inbox that I actually responded to. Believe it or not, I hadn’t even heard of online dating before. This ad claimed I could meet the woman of my dreams on their site, so I was intrigued.

The next thing you know, I had ponied up however much they charged and began looking through the pictures of women they had listed.

To be honest, this was not exactly the most well-traveled site on the ‘net. Who knew there was a Match.com out there? So inevitably, I found exactly one woman who seemed interesting to me–a brown-eyed blondie with a friendly smile.

I emailed her, probably with something lame like “You seem nice. Maybe we could get along. Would you like to talk?”. Remember, this was Day One for me in the online dating world.

Call it “beginner’s luck, but she wrote back. Crazy, huh?

Well, one thing led to another, and there we were sitting across the table from one another at dinner. The fact that I shouldn’t have been paying for dinners here has long since been duly noted and is sort of beside the point, so please overlook that for now and read on.

Midway through dinner, she starts talking about her medical problems.

Never talk about your medical problems on a first date. I don’t care if you’ve known the person for ten years, let alone ten minutes.

Between bites of whatever I was eating, she was bragging about how she had chronic kidney stone issues and how tough she was for being able to pass them without even flinching nowadays.

Unfortunately, she took my casual attempt to divert the discussion as disbelief.

“You don’t believe I get kidney stones? Here…look…”

Already having started digging in her purse, she soon produced a small medicine vial.

I thought to myself, “This chick has to be kidding. I believe her, already. She doesn’t have to prove her case by showing me her prescription.”

I should have been so lucky.

Pressing down and twisting the child-proof cap, the bottle opened and the contents were soon poured into her hand.

“See, look at this…it has to be at least the size of a pea, right?”

With a freshly French-manicured thumb and forefinger, she produced the largest unit from an impressive collection of similar objects she was holding.

Yes. It was the largest kidney stone she had ever passed.

This woman collected her kidney stones. And she took them with her everywhere, apparently.

I don’t remember what I said or did, really. But I do remember there was a second date, believe it or not.

2) Not A Strip Mall, Sweetie

Not long after the “kidney stone chick”, I met another woman from the same site. She was a Hispanic cutie with perfect skin and a booty that would have made Sir Mix-A-Lot slam on the brakes. She said “sweetie” a lot.

I hadn’t learned the part about not taking women to expensive dinners on first dates yet, so there were at one of the nicer sushi joints in San Antonio.

She was terrific. She was intelligent and loved to laugh. Above and beyond that, she was a great flirt. Clearly she was digging me.

We had ordered two glasses of red wine, and conversation turned to what she did for a living.

“So you said you were ‘self-employed’. What exactly do you do?”, I asked.

While she answered, I took a sip of Merlot. And it was right then that I discovered that all those slapstick “spit takes” you see on old-school comedy sketches are rooted in factual reality.

It took all I had in reserve not to spew grape juice all over everything.

“I run a chain of strip clubs, Sweetie.”, she had announced matter-of-factly.

Sitting before me was a decidedly classy woman, who I had picked up from a decent home in a nice neighborhood.

“You mean, like a strip mall…right…with the nail salons, a tanning place and a chinese restaurant.”

“No, silly! LOL! I mean like…you know…strip clubs. The kind with girls.”

Now if you know my style at all by now, you already realize the date was as good as over.

Yet, it was like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away.

And I asked the inevitable question.

“Yes, well…my ex ran the day-to-day operations and I pretty much handled the books. But he let the ‘interview process’ go a little too far too often, and I couldn’t trust him anymore. I got the business in the divorce settlement.”

It was then, I told her the truth.

“I’ve never been to one of those places in my life, and I see no reason to start now.”

Uh oh.

I may has well have lit a roman candle. That chick practically attacked me as soon as we left the restaurant. I tried to handle things as best as I knew how at the time, but let’s just say she wasn’t a happy camper.

When I got home, she had already e-mailed me the buck-naked pics from her “Adult Friendfinder” profile (which was my first introduction to that particular reality). “This is what you missed out on. GOOD LUCK!!!” was the only line accompanying the pics.

3) June Carter Cash Or Charge

I should have known better, considering the one pic she had attached to her profile was a blurry one.

And in my heart of hearts, I really did know better. Suspecting this particular date may not go so well, I invited her to dinner (yeah, yeah…hardheaded wasn’t I?) at 5.30p.

I walked into the Chili’s or TGIFridays or whatever it was, and immediately got that nauseous feeling that every single online dater experiences at one point or another. Specifically, the one where you see someone waiting alone at a table over there who vaguely resembles the person you were expecting to meet about as much as a piece of burnt toast resembles the perfectly good slice of bread you threw in the toaster and forgot about.

My honest-to-goodness first thought was, “OMG…who replaced the woman with the nice smile in the profile with June Carter Cash!”

I was too much of a “Mr. Nice Guy” to turn tail and skip town immediately, so I gathered my intestinal fortitude and approached the table.

Conversation was stilted from the very beginning. She began to make a feeble attempt at flirting.

The woman was at least 55 years old. And not a very attractive 55-year-old at that.

She was dressed in solid black stuff with lots of stainless steel crap and fringes on it, like she was some dust-farting legend from “The Grand Ole’ Opry” or something.

The thickness of her Texas accent was eclipsed only by the thickness of her black eyeliner.

Finally, she excused herself to the ladies room, offering me a blessed reprieve from impending regurgitation.

It was then the waiter came to the table asking me if I wanted another beer. “NO!” I proclaimed, soon apologizing for the brusque tone neither he nor I had anticipated.”

“OK, um…how about your mom?

“What?”

“Would your mom like another beer?”

Suddenly reminded that one must take oneself much less seriously in order to derive the greatest enjoyment out of life, I burst out laughing.

I was still recovering when Mrs. Cash returned to the table.

Having ordered a small garden salad (after all, who could eat?), my focus pretty much turned to saying as little as possible in hopes that she would friggin’ finish eating.

I had already called for the check and ended up excusing myself to go find the waiter and pay it, already.

Finally, leaving, I parted ways with her at the table and wished her well. There was no way I was going to risk the awkwardness of walking her to her car. My inherent sense of chivalry was in fact overwhelmed by utter disgust, without apology.

Arriving home at the advanced hour of 6:30, I was greeted once again by a “post date” e-mail. In her vitriolic message to me, Mrs. Cash had “charged” me with a series of offenses that clearly roused her deepest sense of hurt and anger. Among the more particularly hilarious ones was the pronouncement that I was “obviously gay” because I failed to see her as attractive.

Were she the last woman on earth, she may have been right about that.

Incidentally, I finally learned my lesson and quit that particular dating site…forever.

4) Cook For Your Drunk

She was a very cute kindergarten teacher of Lebanese ethnicity. She was also a total sweetheart. Realizing her pics consistently got 9.5s on HotOrNot.com, I threw the dice and let her come to my place so I could cook for her.

There were no disappointments. She was exactly my type. And she was already being touchy/feelie/smiley enough that I knew this was going to go really well.

I mixed her an “Apple-tini”.

“Oh my! This is GOOOD!” she said. Noticing her glass was empty, I refreshed it for her.

The glass was empty again the next time I looked over at her. Right then, making eye contact with her, she skipped over to me, threw her arms around my neck and started biting me with a giggle.

This chick was perhaps 110 pounds with a full tank of fuel. (in other words, she was probably 110 pounds at that moment). So I decided maybe two drinks were enough.

But nevertheless, when I wasn’t paying attention she had found some raspberry stuff in my stash and had begun mixing vodka with it.

Ten minutes later, dinner was finished…and it was spectacular, if I may say so myself.

But she was nowhere to be found.

It was then I remembered she had excused herself to the bathroom.

I went to check on her and she had vomited (thankfully with tremendously accurate aim) into the commode, and was presently passed out on the floor. Whatever.

Managing to wake her up, her groggy self agreed to let me carry her to the bedroom and let her sleep it off…which she did.

I ate dinner alone, watching SportsCenter. The Spurs had lost, no less.

She woke up 8 hours later, found me asleep on the couch, and had made me breakfast by the time I woke up. It was a great breakfast. She clearly had a sense that I was a man whom she could feel safe with. There was a second date.

Obviously, I learned some things from my early online dating misadventures. My evening with the Lebanese cutie actually happened about six months before I met Emily, so that only proves you gotta stay on your toes at all times. Actually, that one was probably less of an “online dating disaster” per se and more of an issue of guarding my liquor stash from pent-up school teachers!

After all, SAYING that one is acting on a desire to get better with women and going through the motions in a way that FEELS LIKE getting better with women is often A LOT safer than ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING.

It’s potentially WAY less painful, also.

But lately it has occurred to me that there’s an EVEN MORE fascinating phenomenon out there that is potentially lulling guys into a “false sense of security” of sorts when it comes to improving our skills with women.

Here it is: I think that a shockingly high percentage of men’s dating advice is built around the premise that men and women THINK ALIKE about dating and sex.

Moreover, we as guys tend to assume women think like WE DO rather than vice versa.

I mean, come on. It’s the easy road, after all. Understanding women is complicated if not altogether enigmatic to us.

Therefore, when someone comes along and gives us advice on how to handle women, and does so in a way that MAKES SENSE to a man, what happens?

You guessed itwe assume that if it MAKES SENSE to us, it must be accurate and effective.

There’s only one problem.

Women aren’t wired the way we are after all.

Sure, our basic emotional fabric, wants and needs are more similar than we often give credit for.

But nonetheless, what drives that which is feminine is VERY different than what motivates us as masculine men.

And for better at worse, it’s the DIFFERENCES between men and women that spark attraction. Therefore, the DIFFERENCES are indeed at the heart of dating advice in general.

I’ll give you a primo exampleone that could transform how you look at dating/seduction advice from this moment forward if you let it sink in.

Here goes

One of THE most repeated themes in the Seduction Community is the concept of how attractive women can select their sexual partners at will while “rejecting” all others.

Meanwhile, so the story goes, we as guys are left to compete against the herd for the right to “mate” with a desirable female.

Elaborate comparisons are often made with what goes on elsewhere in the animal kingdom.

Bighorn sheep butting heads. Alpha wolves slaughtering the young of competing males. Big bad Black Widow spiders of the female persuasion gobbling up their puny male mates right after intercourse.

Sheesh.

Basically, the message is, “Women are the lucky ones. They can get laid’ whenever they want, and casually reject guys right and left until they get to the one they want.”

Us guys? We either become “more alpha”, or we die virgins or something.

Guess what? That’s how WE AS GUYS THINK, because it’s WE who are motivated by sexual conquest.

Now sure, SOME women do indeed wield tremendous sexual power. And yes, they really do “reject” countless guys who want to “mate” with them.

At least that’s how WE perceive the universe.

But here’s the thing. You should see the e-mails Emily and I get from women.

They’ve got dating challenges of their own. And they think all the GUYS are in control when it comes to dating.

Perhaps you’re thinking that we must be getting e-mails from all the less-than-attractive women out there who lack in the “sexual power” department.

Au contraire.

Sometime when you’re bored at work, hit up our Facebook group and surf through some of the hotties who have accepted Emily’s invitation and are ALL ABOUT going from “good” to “great” with guys.

Their challenges? They read like this: “I date a bunch of guys and they only want one thingsex. When will I find a guy who will love me and want to commit to me?”

We have NEVER (as in NEVER, EVER) received a single e-mail from a woman who was concerned about “getting laid” enough.

And it’s not because every woman has ultimate “choosing” power over guys in that area.

And for the record, it’s also not because women don’t like sex.

It’s because they DON’T THINK LIKE A MAN DOES.

So the best dating advice to guys who want to get better with women is NOT to try to figure out how to get a woman to “select” you as her sex partner.

Instead, if you THINK IN TERMS OF WHAT WOMEN WANT, you’ll realize that the man who represents who a woman wants to fall in love with and commit to is the guy who will TRULY succeed.

Does all this still seem a bit cryptic to you? Looking for a clearer indication that I’m on to something here?

Look no further than the WOMEN’S dating advice market. Because they do the EXACT SAME THINGin reverse.

Women “dating gurus” tend to talk to women as if we as men think like they do.

And it SELLS LIKE HOTCAKES.

Why?

Because it makes sense to women, of course.

Women want a man to commit to them instead of “using them and leaving them”.

So what’s the best advice? Simple: follow “The Rules” designed to cajole a man into committing before you give him anything he wants.

The reality? Any self-respecting guy, such as yourself, isn’t going to fall for it.

Show me a woman who UNDERSTANDS that men want a woman who actually LIKES MEN, follows a worthy man’s lead, basks in her own femininity and heaps unsolicited approval on the deserving man in her lifeand I’ll show you the woman who has guys FALLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES to put a ring on her finger.

Why is that?

SimpleSHE KNOWS HOW MEN THINK, and represents what they want.

Can you make the extra effort to discover more about how women think?

If so, can you believe that it will pay off?

Can you trust that women REALLY DO follow a man’s lead, therefore when you represent what THEY want they GLADLY reciprocate by giving you what YOU want?

I realize this is circuit-frying knowledge. But I also suspect that deep down you know there is real truth at the foundation of what I’m sharing with you.

Sure, we’ve had it drummed into our heads that wussies who “kiss up” to women fail. Along with that, it typically follows that we’re reminded how “bad boys” or “jerks” are the ones who get all the women.

In fact, you’ve probably heard SO MUCH of this sort of thing that right now you’re hoping this newsletter isn’t going to simply reiterate something you’ve heard a thousand times over.

Rest assured. I wouldn’t do that to you.

Instead, I have a crazy question.

Even though you’ve heard the “nice guy vs. bad boy” routine a bazillion time, have you REALLY gotten the RIGHT message from it?

Based on what I’ve been seeing lately in the Seduction Community blogosphere, on forums and in my inbox, I’m beginning to wonder.

Unless my brain is playing tricks on me, it looks like any time a guy mentions having any kind of benevolent thought towards a woman at all, someone is there to crack him upside the head and bring him back to “sensibility”.

Planning a romantic evening? Playing her favorite music in the car? Giving her a reasonable compliment when she wants your honest opinion?

The horror!

According to “common wisdom” these days, ANY such behavior under any circumstances is a sure-fire symptom of impending “Nice Guy” disorder.

Meanwhile, other “industry standards” such as “negging” and “cocky/funny” are more than ever being widely misconstrued to mean “be flat-out rude as hell to women”.

All over the fruited plain, gentlemen, the apparent surround to all of this would appear to be, “If you want to get women, be kind of mean to them and forget about doing anything benevolent whatsoever.”

Read that last quote over again and think about it for a while.

Do you really, truly believe that’s what it takes to bring high quality women into your life?

Yet, that very thought process is pandemic in the world of men’s dating advice.

Think I’m overreacting? If so, go surf a few Seduction Community forums and find out for yourself what kind of Kool-Aid people have been drinking.

Well, guess what guys?

I think you can still be a perfectly decent (dare I spell out “nice”?) person…and get MORE high-quality women than any “bad boy” or “jerk”.

How’s that?

All it takes is DECONSTRUCTING exactly WHY “Mr. Nice Guy” loses with women.

First, this guy typically has a sexual “agenda” with women that a sense of personal shame keeps under wraps.

Thinking he’d scare women away were he an “oppressive sexual threat”, he dares not portray himself as a masculine presence.

Strike one. “Neuter” doesn’t attract.

Next, “Mr. Nice Guy” is usually out to IMPRESS women by buying them stuff, doing endless favors, etc.

Strike two. He wouldn’t do that for anyone other than a “hottie”, so no woman can trust him. Inspiring confidence and thereby instilling security in a woman is therefore an impossibility.

(And I mean really…it comes off kind of like that guy in the store who keeps calling you “sir” even though you’re sure his demeanor is completely different when he’s off the clock, right?)

Finally, being “extra nice” is usually a direct symptom of being needy and desperate…a dead giveaway that you DO NOT HAVE OPTIONS.

Strike three. He’s clearly “not in her league”.

As for the “I/J” (or “Idiot/Jerk”), he *can* indeed get somewhere with women…usually the ones with LOW SELF ESTEEM.

Why?

Well, maybe the woman feels she doesn’t deserve a great man, so it’s her lot to “suffer”.

Or, if the feedback I’ve gotten from certain women holds true, at least she feels she can TRUST that what she sees is what she gets when a guy is openly an I/J.

Are you noticing what’s going on under the surface here?

Ultimately, why the “nice guy” loses has NOTHING to do with being “nice”.

And, notwithstanding dysfunctional attachment to self-punishment, I don’t think it’s particularly necessary that a man be downright evil in order for a woman to know where she stands with him, either.

Even if she’s after the “bad boy type” (e.g. Harley, tattoos, etc.) there’s plenty of those guys out there who are perfectly decent people. All the while, they still having that sense of adventure and healthy appreciation for an adrenaline rush that women tend to crave.

You may even meet some of them and say, “Man, that’s a nice guy.”

Basically, what you’ve just heard me imply that a high-quality woman will settle for NEITHER “Mr. Nice Guy” NOR an “I/J”.

What gives?

Well, as I’ve said before, the seldom-recognized champion over this entire phenomenon is a GREAT MAN.

And one of the few things that make sense in the dating world–disarmingly so in this case–is that GREAT MEN really do stand an excellent chance of getting GREAT WOMEN.

Over seventy years ago, Dale Carnegie published his seminal work How To Win Friends And Influence People , which to this day is a wildly popular best seller.

In fact, much of what you read today in terms of “how to” info on social dynamics can be traced back to roots in that book.

Here’s a great quote from it, so good that the author repeats it twice in context:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in

other people than you can in two years by trying to get other

people interested in you.”

In other words, if you are only about meeting your own selfish needs, you’ll get nowhere with people.

And both the “Nice Guy” and the “I/J” are more interested in what they can get from a woman than they are interested in her.

What’s “Mr. Nice Guy’s” greatest fear?

You guessed it: Being exiled to the “Just Be Friends Zone”.

So as a result, not only do you have guys out there who are trying NOT to be “nice” to women, they’re trying to AVOID being friends with her!

All this based on the prevailing “dating advice” guys are being given.

Somewhere, Dale Carnegie is rolling over in his grave.

Here it is: The real PROBLEM with the “JBF Zone” is the “J”.

Dale Carnegie’s book has sold millions of copies because it does an amazing job of living up to its title.

And guess what? It’s one of the best DATING ADVICE books I’ve ever read.

Why? Because it teaches you how to attract PEOPLE.

And GREAT WOMEN, last I checked, classified as such.

When you genuinely care about others and let go of self-absorption, you not only start meeting the women you want…you get the added benefit of succeeding at work and in your social circles too.

So yeah, you can be a nice guy and get great women. But only if you mean it, and only if you know how to make friends. No “hidden agendas” and no lazy selfishness allowed.

I realize that what I’m sharing with you here is completely different from what you’re used to hearing. No question.

And make no mistake, this is about throwing out the dark ulterior motives that characterize “Mr. Nice Guy” and really, genuinely going about the matter of becoming the kind of high-character man who draws people unto himself magnetically.

No doubt you’ve heard talk out there about how to be “charismatic” and “alpha” in order to get women, haven’t you?

What a paradox to mix those concepts in with talk about being a “jerk” instead of a “nice guy”!

No wonder so many guys who are “chasing tail” end up chasing their OWN tail, right?