• You?d agreed to meet for a drink. The waiter brings your drinks, but when he asks if you are ready to order, your date says, ?We?re just having drinks.? If he were interested in spending more time with you, he?d say, ?Check back in a little while? or at least offer to order appetizers.
• He doesn?t make much eye contact. That means he doesn?t like looking at you. Even if he is shy, if a man thinks you?re attractive, he won?t be able to keep his eyes off you.
• He doesn?t comment on your attractiveness. An interested guy says, ?You?re much prettier than your pictures,? or even ?Wow! You?re beautiful,? or ?You have such pretty eyes.? He?ll find something to compliment you on.
• No casual touching. If a guy is attracted to you, he?ll touch your arm or hand, or the small of your back as you walk to the table.
• He doesn?t smile much. Even if he is shy, a man who wants to make a good impression smiles a lot at what you say and laughs when you attempt something funny.
• If the waiter asks if you want another drink, your date doesn?t ask you, he just says, ?We?re fine.? Do not, under any circumstance, order another drink unless your date asks. He wants to be polite, but he can get surly if you make him wait while you down another.
• He doesn?t seem interested in you. He doesn?t ask you questions about your interests or life.
• No mention of a second date. An attracted man will try to set up the second date during the first, or at least mention it as a possibility. For example, if you mention something you like (e.g., type of movies, food, music or activity) he?ll say, ?Next time we will go there/try that.?
• He can?t wait to get the check. He may chase down the waiter if it isn?t coming fast enough.
• He accepts your offer to contribute to the check. Bad sign. This shows he has no interest in you romantically.
• He doesn?t walk you to your car.
• He shakes your hand as you part and says something like, ?It was nice to meet you.?

Most of these alone don?t mean there?s no second date coming. However, if there are several ? or heaven forbid, all of them ? just try to get out of there as quickly and pleasantly as possible.

Don?t take it personally. Just know it isn?t a match and move on. Next!

I’ve pondered this a lot, as it’s happened often. I’ve interviewed men friends. The following is what I’ve gleaned.

If you don’t hear from a guy after one date, it’s clear he’s not interested. No problem, even though it’s classier to send a nice email stating such. But what if you’ve gone out 2, 3 or more times? You seem to enjoy each others’ company. You have fun. Laugh. Good conversation. Some hand holding. Maybe some kissing. Maybe more. Then poof. He’s gone. Without a word.

Here are my theories on why he disappears. He goes poof without so much as an “I’m not feeling it,” “I thought we were a match, but now I don’t think so,” “I’m looking for casual dating and it seems you want more,” “We want different things, so I don’t think we should continue seeing each other,” “I’ve decided to focus on someone else (or get back with my ex),” “You’re a wonderful woman, but I’m not feeling chemistry,” or “I just wanted a booty call.”

• He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, and doesn’t know how to say (in person, phone or writing) any of the above. So he thinks it’s best to stop contact and hope you’ll get the message.
• He doesn’t want any drama. He’s had experience — or heard stories — of otherwise reasonable women going ballistic when a guy cuts her loose. Lots of yelling, crying, blaming, name calling, insulting his manhood or ancestors, perhaps throwing items — at him, down stairwells, out windows.
• He doesn’t feel connected enough to you to feel he owes you any explanation.
• This is his pattern and it’s worked for him in the past, so he sees no reason to actually communicate with a woman he’s been seeing and now decides to drop.
• He doesn’t like something fundamental about you (your shape, kiss, laugh, personality) and he’s afraid if he tells you he’s moving on, you’ll ask why. He doesn’t want to have to tell you are a bad kisser/lover, have bad breath/BO, don’t dress sexily, aren’t smart enough, are too smart, etc. So to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, he disappears.
• He doesn’t feel he can satisfy you sexually. One man told me that if there have been a few attempts and a man hasn’t satisfied the woman he will leave, as he feels it reflects on him. So rather than face the possibility that he is a bad lover, or be humiliated if she tells him or tries to suggest changes, he’ll leave.
• He doesn’t think you can satisfy him sexually. He has ED and wants you to put everything back the way it used to be. When he can’t perform, you are history. He thinks there must be a sexy woman out there who can get it working again.
• He doesn’t think he can make you happy. You have (or desire) a champagne lifestyle and he has a beer-budget job. He knows he can’t give you what you want or expect, so disappears into the night.
• He prefers other priorities/activities (work, sports, kicking with the guys) to hanging out with you.
• He’s involved with someone else. He’s auditioning you for spare gal (for when his alpha woman isn’t available) or to replace his current one. He decides he’s happier with his current squeeze. How would he possibly say that to you?

I’m sure women must vanish for similar reasons, but since I don’t date women, I don’t know.