It just sometimes feels like it would be easier to mold yourself into whatever your dating partners want, and then you can get on with living happily ever after.

Become what other people want you to be, date non Christians, etc.

I was recently reminded of this when I met up with a friend for coffee. As energetic, bubby, positive, social, million-miles an hour type of Christian girl, she was telling me about her new boyfriend. They had moved in together, he didn’t like to socialize, he was quiet and reserved, and all they did was watch TV.

They didn’t even put up a Christmas tree or lights this past holiday season, because he thought it was all a waste of time. This from my friend who usually wears a Santa hat for the entire month of December.

As we chatted, she kept justifying all of the things that they obviously didn’t have in common. I then noticed her usually dancing eyes had lost their shine.

How sad, I thought. Why had she given up on her spirit?

During my many years of single life, I attended a workshop where one of the exercises was to write done all of the things that we were looking for in a partner. But in order to do that, we first had to write down all of the things that defined us as people.

This prompted an amazing series of soul searching questions.

1. What did I believe in?
2. What role did God play in my life?
3. What were my values?
4. What was important to me?
5. On career, did I work to live, or live to work?
6. What did I do for fun?
7. What hobbies did I have?
8. What offended me?
9. What did I consider to be right and wrong, moral and immoral, ethical and unethical?
10. What were my politics?
11. What were my dreams?
12. What goals did I have?
13. What about my family and the desire for more kids?
14. What charities and causes did I support?

By defining what I wanted in another person, I was first clarifying and refining my own self image and my own spirit.

I developed a vision of my Christian singles partner, based on my own definition of what my spirit was (as opposed to the other way around).

I became more and more committed to sustaining my spirit while searching for a partner. As it turned out, when my spirit was challenged by some of the people I dated (if they weren’t Christian or if we clashed on any of the answers to the questions above), I had the confidence and inner conviction to politely say good-bye and move onto the next person.

It still took me a long time to find the right person (or rather, she found me). I still had to suffer through a few more Valentine’s Days, which always reminded me of my singleness. Yet, I came to realize that it had never been more important to know what I stood for.

You too can do the same. Answer those questions above and understand what you stand for.

Then you can continue your search for like-minded people. The Internet and website personals speeds that whole process up for you, letting you refine your search by specific age ranges, kids or not, divorced or not, white, black, location, income level, career path, values, etc.

Your spirit will truly sing when you start getting to know like-minded people.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com

Dating itself can be really trying. It can be hard to find the right people. What if they don?t share the same values and beliefs that you do? How do you handle that and when?

Wouldn?t it be easier to know ahead of time that they are Christian, just like you?

Wouldn?t it be easier to know their respect for God and other people, values and beliefs, mirrors your own?

I know my own dating experiences were trying at best. My stomach used to churn before hand. I?d be so excited to meet new people, only to cringe as that feeling was replaced with absolute, crushing hopelessness as the person demonstrated a trait I knew I just wouldn?t be able to tolerate.

If they said something snide about children and my being a parent, I knew it was over. If they weren?t pet people, it was going nowhere.

If they were vulgar, ignorant, not funny or if God didn?t have a place in their life like mine, what could we possibly have in common?

A few incidents come to my mind. The dental hygienist who chain-smoked. The girl who didn?t shave her legs, her armpits and didn?t wear deodorant (it took a few dates to begin to figure this one out).

I remember one Friday night where I thought I had met someone with real potential. She was highly educated, respectful and thoughtful. Several dates later, she showed up at my house with an open bottle of wine, already drunk. And then she stormed off when I mentioned concern that she had been drinking and driving.

So how do you find the right people? How do you at least give a first date a chance, by taking the time to get to know people coming from a similar place as you?

The workplace can be a popular source, if there are lots of employees and some that believe in God as you do.

But what if you work too much and don?t have time to meet people? Or, what if meeting people is quite a scary experience, and you?d like to find a ?like minded group of people?, that you can get to know via email first before actually meeting?

The answer, more and more, is the Internet. Never before has the world?s millions of singles, been able to find sources of other singles who are just like they are.

The best part is these specific sources of singles can be pre-determined ahead of time. For instance, you?ll know you?re talking to someone who is Christian, because you found their ad on a Christian singles site.

Make sense? Much easier than trying to make these discoveries of values and beliefs over coffee or dinner.

You can further refine your search by specific age ranges, kids or not, divorced or not, white, black, location, income level, career path, Yankees fan or not (very important!), etc.

I finally found my Soul Mate through a personals ad on a website. We lived in different communities but on the same island (20 miles apart). More importantly, our hearts, beliefs, values, sense of humor and general outlooks were very similar. And we knew that before ever meeting.

It was wonderful courtship. We married the next year. And to this day, many years later, we laugh that the first date never ended.

You too can have this experience, when you find a source of like-minded people to start to get to know.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com