Let’s start by defining ‘romance’. This may sound easy, but just ask a few different people and you’ll get as many answers as the number of people you ask. Is it something to do with love? Is it togetherness and spending time together?

From my perspective, romance is a celebration of the life you live together. Romance is not responsibility but it is truly caring about your responsibilities towards your lover and partner. Romance is the appreciation of two people who are celebrating the love that they share with one another.

How do you make this an incredibly romantic Valentines Day?

Here are 5 tips to make your Valentine’s Day sizzle.

1. Don’t Buy a card. Anyone can buy a card… Why not be a little more creative and write your valentine a love letter poem. If you’re not a poet, a quick search on Google should get what you need. Take this opportunity to tell your valentine why you love them, what you find most attractive about them, and how much you appreciate your relationship.
2. Know what they like. Don’t just go out and buy the standard flowers and chocolate. That’s the lazy way out… Get your Valentine a gift that will actually mean something to them on a personal level. What do they like to do? What kind of music do they like? What are they passionate about?
3. Rather that a gift, go on a special date. Again, think about something your Valentine truly enjoys, dancing, dining out, or snuggling on the sofa to watch a great movie – a movie that your valentine wants to see.
4. Everyone loves a little suspense. Start building up to Valentine’s Day a little in advance. Hint about your plans or gift without giving too much away. This will let your valentine know that you’re thinking about them and that you’re really excited about this special day.
5. Think ‘romance’. Romance includes the words you say, your body language, and your surroundings. Make sure that your attention is 100% on your valentine, not the day’s events or latest sports scores. Get some candles, turn down the lights, and play some romantic music to create a truly romantic atmosphere.

Not coming up with any great ideas?

Here are some Romantic ideas to get you started.

• Breakfast in bed.
• Make your Valentine’s favorite meal or take your valentine out for a special dinner.
• Send your Valentine (male or female) flowers at work. If you are on a tight budget, give just one single hand-delivered flower. Remember, it’s the thought not the quantity.
• Do something unexpected! Drive across town to take your Valentine out for lunch.
• Send a gift basket of indulgent items.
• Embroider “I Love You” on his pillowcase. You could also use a water resistant marker.
• Poetry is traditional for Valentine’s Day. Make up your own or buy a book of love poems that you can read together.
• Dedicate a favorite song to your Valentine on a radio show that he or she will be listening to.
• Write “I Love You” in lipstick or shaving cream on the mirror. You could also tape a heart with the words “I Love You” if you prefer an easier cleans up.
• If your sweetheart is going to be away from you on Valentine’s Day, get several Valentine’s Day cards and put them in different places in his or her luggage. You could sequence them with “Open Me on February 14th” or “Open Me on February 15th” to create some suspense. Don’t limit this idea to just Valentine’s Day!

Confidence has little to nothing to do with looks. Confidence comes from the inside. Our readers are always making comments like, “You say to have confidence, but that’s not so easy for me. How exactly do I get this confidence that you speak of?”

Once you know the secret, you’ll wonder why you didn’t figure it out on your own…

Our definition of confidence is simply “not caring what others think about you”. Only YOU can determine what’s right for you – your looks, your style, your personality… When you stop letting other people judge you by their personal standards, you will have true internal confidence.

Here are some great tips from David DeAngelo at www.DoubleYourDating.com:

Most guys lack confidence in their ability to physically turn on a woman and ?rock her world? when it comes time to hit the sheets. A woman knows right away if she?s dealing with one of these ?boy-men? and runs for the hills as soon as she realizes it. If you want to make sure she sees you as a Sexually Confident kind of guy — the kind of guy who can ignite throbbing sexual passions deep inside her — you need to become a master at giving women an incredible sexual experience. Here are 10 powerful tips to get you started.

Number 10 – Uncover the source of Sexual Confidence

Sexual Confidence comes as a result of knowing how to give a woman mind-blowing pleasure. It?s the confidence that the woman you?re with will have a once-in-a-lifetime experience with you. It?s knowing all the steps — from the first eye contact all the way to the ?end game? — and knowing how to build ANTICIPATION at every step along the way. Start by practicing my ?two steps forward, one step back? technique by escalating things, then backing off, then escalating further, then backing off again. The anticipation and arousal this creates will drive her INSANE. Don?t say I didn?t warn you.

Number 9 – Get out of the manipulation mindset

Guys are always curious about how to ?trick? a girl into bed — what the magic words are, etc. I personally know a few guys who do this? and I can tell you it does NOT lead to fulfillment. Avoid this whole ?manipulation mindset,? and stop trying to figure out what the magic bullets are to get a woman to do what you want in a dishonest way. It?s much better to work on becoming an interesting guy who knows what to do to build attraction in a natural, non-manipulative way. If what you?re doing feels wrong or unethical, stop it. There are better ways to get what you want.

Number 8 – Stop idealizing beautiful women

Most guys get fooled into believing that just because a woman is unusually attractive, she?s also usually honest and would never consider taking from you, cheating on you or lying to you. The reality is that people are never 100% ?good? or 100% ?bad.? There are situations where ANY person would lie, cheat, steal, or be disloyal. When you accept the reality that people are people, a beautiful woman is still human, and that the woman you feel strongly for is just as likely to be dishonest or disloyal as any other, you?ll take her off that pedestal you put her on. And that?s an important step toward achieving Sexual Confidence.

How important are looks when it comes to being confident in bed?

Number 7 – Looks don?t matter when it comes to Sexual Confidence

Nothing about how you look, how old you are, how tall you are, how much you weigh, how much money you make, or whether or not you?re her type has ANYTHING to do with how you can make a woman feel once you?re in bed with her. A key to remember is that AFTER a woman has experienced a mind-blowing intimate experience with you, that experience alone will render all of that other stuff irrelevant. It just won?t matter. Picture yourself in this future ahead of time and it?ll help make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Number 6 – Delay your gratification

Delaying gratification becomes more profound the more you think about it — and when it comes to sex, it?s absolutely critical. It not only allows you to build the sexual tension and make her want you more and more, but the teasing and anticipation act as amplifiers to HER arousal. Bottom line: You are more likely to turn her on — and more likely to take things to a physical level — if you?re cool and calm. Lose your need for instant results, and you?ll drive her CRAZY.

Number 5 – Act like sex is normal

A lot of guys get nervous when it comes time to have sex; they think they need to start acting differently when it?s time to ?do the deed.? But sex is normal, so keep acting normal as things heat up. Don?t make a big deal out of it; keep having fun; keep teasing; keep acting light. Smoothly, confidently, comfortably progress from one step to the next, all the while enjoying yourself and acting like all is normal — because it is.

Number 4 – Put sex into perspective

Instead of positioning sex as the ultimate goal and the center of your purpose, move it so it?s simply one of your many goals. Make it a natural outcome if you like a woman and if you choose to spend the time and effort to get to that point. Take the ?pinnacle value? out of sex, put it in perspective, and your relaxed attitude will make you much more likely to get it.

Number 3 – Tame the fear of rejection

As you progress from one step to the next with a woman — from a casual date to touching, kissing and beyond — the stakes get bigger and bigger. Men typically feel more apprehensive as they progress from one step to the next, and feel less confident moving to the next step as things get more intense. The fear is not of being rejected or stopped, but of losing all the ground that has been gained, and going back to ZERO. Fortunately, the more involved you get, the more likely it is you?ll succeed. The next step involves less risk, and it makes the sexual act more likely. Remember this.

Number 2 – Interpret her actions

If she stops you, it usually doesn?t mean that she wants you to stop FOREVER; it means that you didn?t get her turned on enough. Interpret it as ?I?m not ready yet,? rather than ?Go away, I don?t like you anymore.? Stop, lean back, talk casually for a while and just relax. Then get her even MORE turned on than before. Feel free to make her ASK you for sex? or even beg. ?Please? is a great word — teach her to use it, and she?ll LOVE you for it.

Number 1 – Get in touch with the animal inside

A woman wants a man who?s in touch with his inner ANIMAL. If he?s overly logical, overly analytical, overly controlled, overly educated, it shows a woman that he cannot let the animal out. At an instinctive level, a woman knows that this means she won?t be able to FEEL anything strong toward him, and she knows he won?t be able to arouse any sexual feelings inside of her. Study, get to know, make friends with, and DEVELOP the animal inside you. Educating yourself in this area is one of the most important things you can do to take your Sexual Confidence to the next level.

I?ve been dating this guy for 3 years, and just found out from his ex-girlfriend that in the first year of us dating he was still sending her flowers, and making CDs of songs that made him think of her. She broke it off for good, and the last 2 years he has been with only me, but he has never gotten me flowers, or even made me a CD, and I don?t think I?d even want it. After finding out what he did the first year of our relationship, I feel like if she would have came running back into his arms he would have left me for her.

Now he tells me he only loves me and wants to be with only me, but as far has being romantic to me, that will never happen, for he did it in the past and it didn?t work, so I just have to love him for him, and not for what he did for her. But I?m like we have been together for 3 years now and you have never gotten me flowers or anything, and he told me it was something between them, and it would only bring up old memories. What do I do????? I love him so much, but all this really hurts bad? I need some good advice? please help me.

The Answer:

This question leaves me with a few questions of my own – Is this really about the romance or the fact that you’re not sure if he’s truly over her? Maybe you feel that he doesn’t love you as much as her and that the ‘romance’ would prove his love to you? – Just a few questions to ponder…

It sounds like your boyfriend was not over his previous girlfriend when the two of you decided to get serious, but claims that he is now. This can be a tough one because he never really gave himself time to heal and let go of the previous break up which could result in him carrying around this baggage for a very long time.

Dealing with broken trust

Open communication and honesty are the two most important components of a successful relationship. You have to honestly know in your heart – If his ex-girlfriend called him up tomorrow, would he leave you for her.

He broke this trust at the beginning of your relationship. If he went around your back for a full year, then I’d be concerned about his commitment now. But only you can really gauge if he’s truly moved on.

However, let’s remember that 2 years have passed. People change, feelings, and emotions change. And they tend to change all of a sudden, when the time is right for each person. So while he may have been dishonest with you for a very long time, he may be perfectly committed to you now.

Open and honest communication from this point forward will be critical to the relationship – especially since the trust has already been broken once. Ask him how he honestly feels – you’ll have to be very careful to do this in a trusting, open, and non-threatening way. Otherwise, he’ll just shut down and not talk to you. You also have to be prepared for what you are going to hear – it may not be what you want or expect.

Listen to your heart

Down deep, you know if he’s really and truly devoted to you and shares your love fully. But the trick here is to listen to what’s really there in your heart, not what you want to hear.

Are you jealous of his ex girlfriend?

An important question here… Was romance important to you even before you found out about his affections toward his ex girlfriend?

It’s definitely OK to always grow and change (your mind, your thoughts, your beliefs), but be sure your desire for romantic gestures isn’t just out of jealousy over the ex girlfriend.

You know… “He did it for her, why not me?” That’s a very destructive path.

Identify your needs in the relationship

I don’t think it’s the flowers or CD’s you’re looking for. It’s the way these romantic gestures make you feel – special and desired; to know that he truly loves and desires you.

Understand that romance is a way of life. Not all men feel comfortable with romantic gestures because it really puts their heart on the line. Since he has been rejected before, it may even be more difficult for him.

One idea is to take the time to figure out the exact things that make you feel special and wanted. Sit together and make a list of the top 5 or 10 things that make you feel desired. Make the commitment to do these things for each other on a regular basis, no matter how big or small. Because you’re both a bit jaded in this area, be patient and non-judgmental with one another.

Another thing you can do is help him feel very secure in the relationship so that he will feel safe in making romantic gestures. Compliment him on the little things that he does do and let him know every day how important he is to you and how much you appreciate your relationship. The fastest way to change him is to change your perception of him. Every night before you go to bed write down everything that you like and appreciate about him and your relationship – before you know it, he’ll start giving you even more reasons to appreciate him. It may sound a little backwards, but this is a very powerful exercise.

Stay together or break up?

Different people come into our lives for one purpose or another. Our instinct is to stay with the same person forever because we’re afraid to move on, but sometimes that’s not truly the best answer for us.

Many times people grow apart in a relationship, and are no longer happy together. This is primarily because we’re always growing and changing. When a couple is not completely open and honest in their communication, they often grow in different directions emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When this happens, it may be necessary to move on. I’m not a believer in settling for second best or holding on to a failing relationship.

Spend some time in quiet contemplation or meditation. Ask God, the Universe, or whomever your higher power is, to help you make the right decision for you. If you listen – the answer will come to you. It’s up to you to act on the answer that you receive.

In Summary

The past is only a memory, the future is a dream. Only now is real. Live in the now!

As hard as it may be, you should let go of the past and forgive him for the broken trust in the beginning of the relationship whether you choose to continue the relationship or not. “Forgiveness is God’s gift to the forgiver, not the forgiven”.

Decide what’s truly important for you in a relationship and go after it, whether it’s with your current boyfriend or not. Don’t settle or hang on to your relationship for the wrong reasons.

Once your feelings and desires are clear to you, sit down and seriously discuss your wants and needs with your boyfriend.

If you desire a life of romance and your boyfriend isn’t able to provide it, then it may be time to move on.

In this case, I would seriously consider some couples counseling because there are so many issues that you are each dealing with, that you may not be able to get through them alone. An objective 3rd party can really help in a situation where you have so many delicate issues to talk about.