Maybe you’re in bar. Maybe you’re at the gym or laundromat. Maybe she’s
someone you know from work. Or maybe, even, you’re actually out on a date.

In any event, now you’ve got to do something scarey, something
unpredictable, something with the power to launch a future romantic relationship, or end
one before it even gets started. YOU’VE GOT TO TALK TO HER.

What do you talk about? Should you tell her about your childhood, your
therapist, your plans for the future, the wart on your big toe? What if you can’t think of
anything to say? What if you say the wrong thing? And, by the way, what would be the
"right" thing to say? Do you have a clue?

Most guys don’t. When your average gent converses with a woman, he’s
basically just flailing blindly at the wind, hoping by chance that something he says will
"connect" with the woman and make her fall for him.

Needless to say, this is not the "Don Juan" way of doing things.

You need to have a plan. You need to know DEFINITELY what works and what
doesn’t, what to talk about and what not to talk about. You don’t want to leave her
feelings to chance or to fate. You want to be charming and in control.

And that’s what we’re going to discuss right now.

Now there are many many aspects of a conversation. This particular article
focuses on the conversational TOPICS that you should focus on when wooing a beautiful
lady. Those topics which will almost GUARANTEE increased interpersonal attraction. Topics
which will leave you in complete charge of the conversation, and which will leave you the
option, IF YOU SO DESIRE, of future conversations, dates, or an intense romantic
relationship.

Are you getting excited?

Okay, so WHAT exactly do you talk about?

Well, the first thing to remember is that men frequently err by talking
TOO MUCH. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore
women to tears. They think they’re "impressing" the women when, in reality,
they’re "depressing" the women.

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you’re
saying doesn’t necessarily mean she really is. She might just be acting polite while
silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away… and
never come back.

So key number one is DON’T TALK SO MUCH! Try not to monopolize the
conversation and try to LISTEN to what SHE has to say. Remember, everyone is incredibly
interested in what they themselves have to say. People will talk to you about themselves
for as long as you will listen.

So stop worrying about what you’re going to say next. Focus all your
attention and energy on listening to what the woman is saying to you. Try to visualize or
"feel" what she’s saying.

This does take a little effort. It’s not very hard to do, but it’s not
something that men "naturally" do. You simply have to concentrate.

Now when listening you want to pay particular attention to any
"seeds" or free information she happens to throw your way. Seeds refer to subtle
hints that women give that point to conversational topics that they would like to or be
willing to discuss.

An example:

Bob: You come here often?
Kim: Actually this is my first time here. Just moved here from Florida.
Bob: Oh. I come here every week. I love this band. It’s pretty crowded tonight.

Bob is clueless.

Kim gives him plenty of free information to follow up on. It’s almost as
if she’s testing him to see if he has the intelligence or social skills to capitalize on
what she says. Bob fails.

So what would be the "right" thing to say?

Well… she mentions that this is her first time in the club and she just
moved here from Florida. Bob could have properly "watered the seeds" by asking
a) How does she like the club, band, etc? b) What brought her here from Florida? c) How
long has she been in the area? d) Where in Florida is she from? e) How long was she there?
f) What’s it like there?

Kim’s two short sentences gave Bob tons of information to follow up on.
Tons of conversational topics that she has indirectly indicated that she’d like to talk
about. But Bob was too worried about himself. Too worried about the impression he was
making. Too worried about what to say next to LISTEN to what she said.

Do you see the importance of listening now? You must concentrate on what
she says and block everything else out of your mind. If you listen you never have to worry
about what to say next because the other person is "telling" you exactly what to
say.

Kim even subtly indicated that she was attracted to Bob (or at least not
repulsed by him). How? She didn’t blow him off. She gave him some free information to talk
to her about. This may have been a conscious decision on her part or it may have been a
somewhat unconscious act. In any event, Bob didn’t pick up on it and blew his chances with
her.

Keep in mind that if a woman likes you or would like to get to know you
better, she will GIVE YOU free information to follow up on. She will throw out some seeds
for you to water. If she’s not attracted to you, she won’t give you much of anything and
it will be very difficult to maintain a decent conversation with her. No matter how
charming you are, if she doesn’t "help you out some" you’ll eventually have to
admit defeat and walk away.

So be sure to listen for the topics she’d like to discuss.

Now in order to converse for maximum attraction, you need to keep two
other things in mind. You need to tell her about yourself. And you need to maintain a
proper talk/listen ratio.

You may have heard or read somewhere that people like to talk about
themselves and that you should spend most of your time listening and asking questions if
you want others to like you. This is true… to a certain extent.

People DO like to talk about themselves and they DO like those who listen,
ask questions, and seem interested in what they’re saying.

But…

If you’re goal is to charm this lady, you’ve got to do more than that.
You’ve got to tell her something about yourself. Specifically, you’ve got to "tell
her" that YOU TWO ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE.

You do this by making "me-too" statements.

That is, it is desirable to bring yourself into the conversation when you
can relate yourself to something she’s talking about or make yourself seem similar to her.

For example:

Kim: I really miss Miami.
Jim: I can imagine. I spent two weeks in Miami last summer. I loved it. Even thought about
moving there myself.

Jim is smooth.

Jim didn’t ask a question (this time). He told Kim something about himself
that made him seem similar to her. Now if Jim has also been listening and asking
questions, then he’s probably doing very well with Kim.

A good talk/listen ratio would be around 40/60 or 30/70. That is, you want
to spend around 30 or 40 percent of the time talking, and about 60 to 70 percent of the
time listening. And you should spend as much of that 30 to 40 percent as possible in the
"me-too zone."

Think about it this way…

Let’s assume you just went on a dinner date with a lady you like very
much. If you monopolized the conversation and spent most of the time telling her how
"wonderful" you are, you can pretty much expect there won’t be a second date. I
hope you can understand this.

On the other hand, imagine you’d spent the entire two hours together
sitting there, listening, and asking her questions. You probably did much better. She did
seem happy. She did seem to enjoy the conversation. But still…

After the date she’s going to go home and think about the date. And she’s
going to think about you. She’s going to think about whether she should spend more time
with you or not.

The fact that you haven’t said much of anything all evening is going to be
your downfall… BECAUSE SHE HAS NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT.

You haven’t told her anything about yourself. She still has no idea if she
should be interested in you or not. She knows you don’t monopolize the conversation and
you’re a good listener. And she likes that. But that’s not enough to spark any kind of
emotion in her.

Now imagine you’d spent 60 to 70 percent of the date listening to her
(really listening and asking questions), and about 30 to 40 percent of the time telling
her about yourself. Specifically, telling her about yourself in a way that makes the two
of you seem very similar.

This time when she goes home, sits down, grabs something to drink, and
starts reminiscing about the date (and you), she’s going to have something substantial to
think about. She’s going to think what a wonderful conversationalist you are. You didn’t
monopolize the conversation. You didn’t bore her with details of your job, your childhood,
or the health of your colon.

And because you spent a substantial amount of time pointing out how
similar the two of you are, she’s going to think that you are very SPECIAL. (After all,
you’re just like her. You must be.)

People always like others who are similar to themselves. By being similar
to me, you essentially validate my perceptions of the world. I will see you as clever,
intelligent, charming, and likeable… because you’re like me.

(It’s true that opposites do SOMETIMES attract. But only under certain
situations. On the other hand, similars ALMOST ALWAYS attract. You should always go for
the similarity angle during the first part of a relationship. You’ll can reveal to her
your "unique" qualities later.)

And don’t worry or feel cheated because you don’t get to talk about the
things you want to talk about. If you play your cards right during the first few
conversations or dates, you’ll have plenty of time later on to bore her with all your
"interesting" stories.

The first few conversations (dates) are critical and you have to
"play" them right. That means listening for free info, asking interested
questions, and making "me too" statements. It’s a simple 1, 2, 3.

The most important things to keep in mind when designing your bachelor pad
are:

   – YOU must be comfortable there.
   – A WOMAN should not be uncomfortable there.
   – It should reveal your PERSONALITY.
   – It should be a FUNCTIONAL place to live.
   – It should look like a MAN lives there.

Whether your pad passes the lady’s "test" or not could be the
difference between heart-pounding success and mind-numbing failure. Of course, certain
things are obvious and go without saying – such as your place should be clean, neat, and
smell-free (or preferably smell good). However, keep in mind that it should look
"lived in" and not like you just spent six hours cleaning it before she came
over. You want her to be "impressed" but also comfortable.

However, the main thing to remember is that when this beautiful lady
enters your place, she’s looking to make an assessment of your personality, to find out
what kind of person you Really are, and trying to decide whether or not the two of you
might be compatible (either short-term or long-term depending on her goals).

The following list, while by no means complete, consists of some of the
"essentials" of a dynamic bachelor pad. You may not want or need everything
listed here, but try to incorporate as many of the following as possible into your current
place… especially before bringing the girl of your dreams over. Some do require you to
spend a few bucks. But you should find it to be a good investment… especially if you’re
following the other love tactics discussed at The Don Juan Center.

Entertainment – Your bachelor pad should be entertaining.
By "entertaining" I mean that this is a place where you two will be spending
some time (hopefully) so you need, at minimum, a decent TV, stereo, and VCR. You should
also have some games available – maybe a deck of cards, a backgammon board, and some other
board games you like to play. Conversation is great, but nobody wants to talk all the
time. You should have interesting things to DO.

Couch – Large, soft, and comfortable. Your couch is the
focal point of your living room. It’s the place where you and she will get to know one
another, where you two will drink wine and listen to music, where you two can kick back
and watch TV, and most likely where you’ll make your first "move." Be sure to
keep it spotless… which can be tough if that’s where you prefer to eat. And please, no
love seats. If she has to choose between being cramped with you in a love seat or relaxing
in a nice comfortable chair across the room, she just might choose the chair.

Coffee Table – Have an interesting book or two and some
magazines lying across it – things that she can browse through while waiting. Books should
have great titles or interesting pictures. The magazines you choose to display will help
to reveal your personality and solidify the "impression" you’re trying to make.
So choose them wisely.

Live Plants – Note the key word: LIVE. Not plastic and
not dying. Several scattered throughout your apartment. Most guys don’t want to deal with
the responsibility of plants… but they are essential for adding COLOR and ATMOSPHERE to
your place while setting yourself apart from those irresponsible types. Boys don’t own
plants. Men do. And if you don’t have a green thumb don’t worry. Simply go to the nursery
and ask the guy working there for something that’s "hard to kill."

Framed Photos – Maybe in a bookcase or on a table. She
will gravitate toward these… looking for clues as to what you value, who you are, and
where you’ve been. Pictures of family members, friends, trips you’ve taken, and pets are
good. Old girlfriends and Ms. July are not.

Framed Art – On the wall in the living room, bedroom, and
maybe even the dining room and bathroom depending on how big your place is. Cheap posters
are not allowed. Ideally this art will have a SUBTLE sexual aspect to it… to create the
right mood. This is your "bachelor" pad after all. Pick out something that you
not only like but that also says "a suave, worldly gentleman lives here."

Music – Music should be easily available in most every
part of the house or apartment. If you have an impressive CD collection, this should be
displayed prominently in a nice CD rack. She’ll enjoy browsing through these. Having a
VARIETY of music is a plus as it indicates you are both worldly and complex. And make sure
you have some smooth jazz for those romantic, candlelit dinners. You might also want to
compile a special cassette of soft romantic dinner music.

Atmosphere Lighting – Your living room light (and ideally
dining room and bedroom too) should dim to help create a soft and sexy atmosphere. And
when you turn the light on, make sure not to turn it on "full blast." Nothing
kills a romantic mood like bright light shining in your eyes.

Bathroom – If she’s in your apartment for more than ten
minutes, she WILL go to your bathroom… and check it out. (If she doesn’t go to your
bathroom, then you just might have yourself one of them there transvestites on your hands.
Proceed with caution.) Needless to say, the bathtub, shower, toilet, and sink should be
spotless. You might also add one of those cleaning balls to your toilet to make the water
colorful. That’s always a nice touch. You may also want to add some type of scent to your
bathroom by placing a couple of "stick up" type things in out of sight
locations.

Big Fluffy Towels – She’ll be repulsed by those small,
thin towels with all the carefully crafted holes that you’ve been using for the last 14
years. BIG and FLUFFY will get her purring as she starts imagining herself draped in
them… after a hot relaxing shower… with you. And dark blues or dark greens tend to
convey more of a "manly" impression.

Extra Toilet Paper – In plain view… so she doesn’t have
to go rummaging through your cabinets. But it shouldn’t just be sitting there. The extra
roll should be set up as almost a decoration in the bathroom… maybe in a little basket
with some other interesting things.

Around The Sink – Most guys keep every type of personal
item that they’ve used since the last time they moved piled messily around the bathroom
sink. Needless to say this is not good. Most of your stuff should be kept in the bathroom
cabinets out of sight. You’ll want to place only a few select things around your sink. And
you choose these carefully in order to convey the proper impression. A couple different
types of cologne (expensive not cheap), aftershave lotion, liquid hand soap, box of
tissues, a nice toothbrush holder (with a new-looking toothbrush), expensive hair gel, and
a couple other things
of your choosing should do the trick.

Shower Curtain – A shower curtain can make or break a
bathroom as most bathrooms are pretty small. Spending a few bucks here would be a great
investment.

Tissues – Boxes of these in the living room, bathroom,
bedroom, and everywhere else. Women love tissues. And if she decides she wants one, and
happens to find a box nearby, she’ll be mighty impressed.

Extra New Toothbrush – In case things go well and she
decides to spend the night. A nice extra touch that is sure to impress her the next
morning. However, you might want to fall a little short of hinting that she use it.

Prestigious Shampoo and Conditioner – Even though you
prefer rubbing your head with a bar of Dial, don’t let her know that. Make her think you
actually care about yourself and treat yourself well. Have a nice bottle of shampoo and
conditioner prominently displayed in the shower. (Paul Mitchell is great.) As with all
personal products, the idea is to create the impression that you actually care about and
respect yourself. Cheap personal products, even if you prefer them and think they’re
better, will create the exact opposite impression.

A Man’s Bed – Queen is probably the best size. Big enough
for two, but not so big that it looks odd in a single guy’s place. And make sure that you
have the bed on a nice frame. An old mattress in the corner may have been fine when you
were a college freshman, but you’re a MAN now. And real men sleep in real beds, preferably
with real women beside them.

Big Fluffy Pillows – Again, women like big and fluffy. If
you can’t sleep with big and fluffy, have a different one that you use when sleeping
alone.

Cool Sheets and Comforter – When she walks by your
bedroom door, she’s going to look in and check out the bed. Whether or not she can
VISUALIZE herself sleeping there is of the utmost importance… unless, of course, you’re
satisfied with just being friends. Your sheets and comforter should be attractive,
comfortable-looking, and INTERESTING. Plain, boring, and dull has no place in your
bedroom. Do you really think she wants to sleep with a guy who’s plain, boring, or dull?
Again dark colors convey that "manly" impression that you want to make.

Condoms – Keep a variety of kinds in your nightstand or
dresser near the bed. Always be prepared. You might actually one day somehow someway
manage to get lucky. Yeeehaaa!

Wine – You should have at least one good bottle of wine
available… to drink with dinner, after dinner, or just because. Good doesn’t necessarily
mean expensive. You can get a great bottle of wine for $10 or so (such as Napa Ridge Pinot
Noir or Chardonnay). Wine glasses, though not required, would really frame you as a man of
taste. Ask advice from the guy at the wine store if it’s not your area of expertise. Or
better yet, buy a book and become an expert.

Beer – If your potential squeeze likes beer. And not just
any beer. You can drink that cheap crap when you’re by yourself or watching the game with
your buddies, but when she’s over you need something different. It should taste great and
ideally be something she’s never had before… to set yourself apart from all the ordinary
guys. (Rolling Rock is great and fairly inexpensive in the USA.)

Non-Alcoholic Beverages – A variety of beverages
including orange juice, soda, milk, tea, and bottled water. Variety is the key so you’re
sure you’ve got something she might like.

Ice Cream – And not the Food Lion brand either. Dove
Bars, Haagen Daaz, or some other delicious, expensive treat will really "warm"
her up.

And last but certainly not least…

A Vacuum Cleaner – Buy one and learn to use it. Most guys
NEVER vacuum. If your lady has a sensitive nose she’ll be able to sense this as soon as
she enters. This can be an especially bad problem when pets are involved.

So there you have it. The essentials of a swingin’ bachelor pad. We could,
of course, add a number of other things. But if you focus on those things listed above,
not only will you pass her test, but she may not leave for days!